- 1st Alabama National Football Championship of my children's lifetime
- 1st blizzard of Biblical proportions
- 1st time the Saints won a Super Bowl
- 1st monster truck show - mine and the boys
- 1st year of Little League Baseball for the big kids - Carlie made it to the championship game (and would have won it if one of her team mates had not quit running before he got to first) Jay Allen's league did not keep score, but Jay Allen did and won every game
- 1st time to see the Globetrotters live
- 1st time I carried somebody else's car to the beach (thanks, Josh)
- 1st time to hear Brad Paisley in concert (my elbows were on the stage during the sound check)
- 1st time I have been caught in a port-a-potty during the National Anthemn
- 1st time to see Nancy Pelosi in person
- 1st visit to the USS Wisconsin
- 1st (and 2nd and 3rd) surfing wipe out - at Norfolk
- 1st open air country music concert
- 1st time we have stayed in VIP quarters (because no real VIPs wanted them)
- 1st blowout on I-95 in Lucky
- 1st summer I have been away from home without deployment
- 1st time I have found a color of people I don't like as a group - don't care for the blue ones - still feel dirty for seeing Avatar
- 1st blowout on I-95 in Blue
- 1st grade (for Jay Allen)
- 1st plane ride for the boys (they yelled and cheered as we took off from Dulles)
- 1st time to Alaska for four of us
- 1st time to rent a house before we saw it - I am still shocked Cammie went along with this
- 1st live moose sighting - and first time yielding to a Moose crossing the road
- 1st live bald eagle sighting in the wild
- 1st live bear sighting in the wild
- 1st car purchase off Craig's list - the Beast is still kicking
- 1st hockey game, we are now Alaska Aces fans.
- 1st time to purchase and drive on studded snow tires
- 1st time I have ever had to spread poop with a fork and inspect it (after Jay Allen swallowed a dental spacer)
- 1st time bitten by a pit bull for Jay Allen - the dog was not mean, just toooooo rough!
- 1st time to visit a Fred Myer store - it has everything!
- 1st time to visit a reindeer farm - they tried to pick our pockets.
- 1st time to see Santa ride into the neighborhood on a fire truck
- 1st time to go dog sledding - last time to wait two hours in zero degree weather
- 1st time to go snow tubing - we are now regulars
- 1st time to live in a state with over ten reality shows! - Why the sudden popularity of Alaska, but Deadliest Catch, Ice Truckers, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Alaska Troopers, Bush Pilots - that is just a few.
- 1st time we noticed that Agent Booth on Bones has a JSU Cocky belt buckle
- 1st time our friends have posted the people they are replacing us with on Facebook after we PCS'ed - thanks Roseberrys, that hurt:-)
- 1st time that Quarterback from Mississippi (who is my age) missed a start in the NFL since I graduated college - he is the greatest QB of our time, just not the greatest example off the field
- 1st time TSA took a picture of my private parts (haven't seen them turn up on the internet yet)
- 1st time we have had Bison chili and Reindeer sausage (different meals)
- 1st time 34 degrees has felt so warm!
- 1st time Carlie brought home an F on her report card, but luckily it was in gender!
- 1st time I have had to purchase snow shovels
- 1st time one of my children used the nurse string in the hospital bathroom to get the nurse to wipe his bottom - we are hoping James becomes independent in this area.
- 1st earthquake - nothing too scary
- 1st time Cammie has carried a shotgun through an airport - and I thought she couldn't get any hotter
- 1st ice skating lessons - our kids can ice skate and we can't
Clock
Friday, December 31, 2010
Benefield Family Firsts in 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
What I am Thankful For
Don't mistake any lighthearted items for lack of sincere thankfulness, but I thought I should record some things I am thankful for.
I am thankful:
http://wilstar.com/holidays/wash_thanks.html
I pray all of you are able to sit down with family and loved ones tomorrow and give thanks to the mighty God who brought you all together! Happy Thanksgiving from a very beautiful corner of God's creation, Eagle River, Alaska!
I am thankful:
- that my wife is still hot after 23 years together.
- that my wife's eyesight is failing just enough that she now believes I am hot.
- for three children that are so full of life and health that they exhaust me every day.
- that my buddy Mac McNeal is home with his entire family for Thanksgiving and doing well.
- for all the answered prayer over the past year, especially those prayers on behalf of friends who really needed them (you know who you are).
- that God is faithful to keep answering prayers for all my years.
- for all the opportunities God gives me to exercise my faith.
- for all the freedoms I have enjoyed as an American and for the Founding Fathers who gave them to us and the Fighting Fathers who preserved them for us (so far).
- for all the young men and women who volunteer to follow in the footsteps of those Fighting Fathers who serve in our country's military.
- for the Geronimo families who are going to share Thanksgiving with us tomorrow.
- for the friends around the world God has blessed us with and the tools to keep in touch with those friends (will be saying a prayer for you all tomorrow at our Thanksgiving meal).
- that I live where football comes on at 0800 in the morning on Thanksgiving, Saturdays, and Sundays - and especially for the game at 1030 this Friday.
- for the beauty of God's creation that I get to experience everyday.
- that I didn't have to sue my old landlord (threatening to was just as effective).
- that no matter what battle God leads me to fight, I have His peace with me and His hand on me.
- for the ability to laugh at myself, pray for my friends, lead my family, and serve my King and Savior.
- that God does not require me to list every blessing I am thankful for because He has blessed me beyond my ability to record them.
http://wilstar.com/holidays/wash_thanks.html
I pray all of you are able to sit down with family and loved ones tomorrow and give thanks to the mighty God who brought you all together! Happy Thanksgiving from a very beautiful corner of God's creation, Eagle River, Alaska!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Spreading Poop with a Fork
Expecting the unexpected is part of being a parent. For instance, when Jay Allen said while chewing a chocolate bar that the dental spacer between his molars was loose, who would have known it would turn into our most memorable family Halloween ever.
Yesterday, the big kids went to Wal-Mart with dad and as a reward for (relatively) good behavior, I bought them a chocolate bar to share. We were supposed to open it after supper and share with Cammie and James, but Carlie got ahead of herself and opened it in the Suburban. When I discovered this, I told Carlie to put the chocolate back up and save it for desert, but she had already given Jay Allen a piece and he had wasted no time in eating it. So, I went to plan B and told Carlie to distribute the rest of the chocolate bar between the three of us, we would eat all of it, destroy all the evidence, and never speak of this candy bar again, especially in front of Cammie and James.
Well, God immediately punished me for this attempted deceit. The caramel in Jay Allen's candy bar pulled the spacer loose and it got mixed in with his chocolate bar. Jay Allen went from looking concerned when his spacer came loose to looking scared when he realized he had swallowed his spacer. I will never forget the pitiful look on his face when he looked at me and said, "I swallowed my spacer."
For reasons that will become evident soon, I regret laughing at my son at that moment. I got him calmed down and called his mother, who called the dental emergency line while we drove home from Wal-Mart. Before we got home, the dental nurse, Wade, had us on a conference call running the checklist.
Can the child swallow without pain? Yes (my Pepsi and Cammie's sandwich).
Was the child hurting in the stomach (or anywhere else)? No.
Was there any bleeding? No.
So, Wade informed us that we were out of danger and ALL we had to do was have Jay Allen poop on a newspaper (the NY Times if I could find one) for the next three days and slice his poo until we found the swallowed spacer. Knowing that Cammie would deny ever hearing this, I immediately had her acknowledge those instructions with Wade as a witness before I let him go. She acknowledged, but with an ominous laugh.
So, Jay Allen was in no pain and no longer panicked, but more than a little embarrassed that everybody was laughing at his predicament and that he would be regressing from potty trained to house-broken. It didn't help that we kept joking with him, like when I told him to keep the sword with his Pirate costume because he would need it to slice his poop. I even told a friend on the phone of his predicament and she laughed so loud Jay Allen could hear it across the room and started yelling, "It's not funny." I won't even get into the jokes about the chocolate bar that he was eating when the spacer came out, but we had quite a few laughs at his expense.
The jokes, though not the laughter, stopped cold when Jay Allen declared, "I have to go!" I looked at Cammie, who was tearing up horribly from laughter and I said, "You know what to do!" She knew exactly what to do - she reminded me all the diapers and bodily functions I missed while deployed and she dispatched me to the upstairs bathroom with a plastic fork. So, for all of the young men who aspire to be dads, let me tell you there will be proud moments aplenty, but the moment you are spreading poop with a plastic fork is not one of them.
Jay Allen might be embarrassed that people find out about this, but I don't give a rip after spreading poop. Cammie really doesn't want me to share this with the world, but that's the price you pay for punting with the poop is on the paper. I appreciate all the parents who will read this and say a prayer for me today, because THE SPACER WAS NOT IN POOP #1! I have to do this again and Cammie has already given me the "I will gag and die if I have to do that!", so I get to spread poop with a plastic fork tomorrow, too! And maybe Monday! Really, people, it doesn't have to hit the fan for things to get bad, this is bad. I don't know if I am sharing my predicament to get back at my family, who has put me in charge of this operation, or to give somebody a laugh, or if I am looking for sympathy, but all three motives seem valid to me. I know some of you just think this is funny crap, but it is not nearly as funny to me, now, as it was before the first plastic fork spreading.
Lord have mercy on me and let Jay Allen pass this spacer tomorrow! If any of you will add this prayer request to your own prayer list, I will be thankful and will hug you in Heaven for it.
That is all from Alaska!
Yesterday, the big kids went to Wal-Mart with dad and as a reward for (relatively) good behavior, I bought them a chocolate bar to share. We were supposed to open it after supper and share with Cammie and James, but Carlie got ahead of herself and opened it in the Suburban. When I discovered this, I told Carlie to put the chocolate back up and save it for desert, but she had already given Jay Allen a piece and he had wasted no time in eating it. So, I went to plan B and told Carlie to distribute the rest of the chocolate bar between the three of us, we would eat all of it, destroy all the evidence, and never speak of this candy bar again, especially in front of Cammie and James.
Well, God immediately punished me for this attempted deceit. The caramel in Jay Allen's candy bar pulled the spacer loose and it got mixed in with his chocolate bar. Jay Allen went from looking concerned when his spacer came loose to looking scared when he realized he had swallowed his spacer. I will never forget the pitiful look on his face when he looked at me and said, "I swallowed my spacer."
For reasons that will become evident soon, I regret laughing at my son at that moment. I got him calmed down and called his mother, who called the dental emergency line while we drove home from Wal-Mart. Before we got home, the dental nurse, Wade, had us on a conference call running the checklist.
Can the child swallow without pain? Yes (my Pepsi and Cammie's sandwich).
Was the child hurting in the stomach (or anywhere else)? No.
Was there any bleeding? No.
So, Wade informed us that we were out of danger and ALL we had to do was have Jay Allen poop on a newspaper (the NY Times if I could find one) for the next three days and slice his poo until we found the swallowed spacer. Knowing that Cammie would deny ever hearing this, I immediately had her acknowledge those instructions with Wade as a witness before I let him go. She acknowledged, but with an ominous laugh.
So, Jay Allen was in no pain and no longer panicked, but more than a little embarrassed that everybody was laughing at his predicament and that he would be regressing from potty trained to house-broken. It didn't help that we kept joking with him, like when I told him to keep the sword with his Pirate costume because he would need it to slice his poop. I even told a friend on the phone of his predicament and she laughed so loud Jay Allen could hear it across the room and started yelling, "It's not funny." I won't even get into the jokes about the chocolate bar that he was eating when the spacer came out, but we had quite a few laughs at his expense.
The jokes, though not the laughter, stopped cold when Jay Allen declared, "I have to go!" I looked at Cammie, who was tearing up horribly from laughter and I said, "You know what to do!" She knew exactly what to do - she reminded me all the diapers and bodily functions I missed while deployed and she dispatched me to the upstairs bathroom with a plastic fork. So, for all of the young men who aspire to be dads, let me tell you there will be proud moments aplenty, but the moment you are spreading poop with a plastic fork is not one of them.
Jay Allen might be embarrassed that people find out about this, but I don't give a rip after spreading poop. Cammie really doesn't want me to share this with the world, but that's the price you pay for punting with the poop is on the paper. I appreciate all the parents who will read this and say a prayer for me today, because THE SPACER WAS NOT IN POOP #1! I have to do this again and Cammie has already given me the "I will gag and die if I have to do that!", so I get to spread poop with a plastic fork tomorrow, too! And maybe Monday! Really, people, it doesn't have to hit the fan for things to get bad, this is bad. I don't know if I am sharing my predicament to get back at my family, who has put me in charge of this operation, or to give somebody a laugh, or if I am looking for sympathy, but all three motives seem valid to me. I know some of you just think this is funny crap, but it is not nearly as funny to me, now, as it was before the first plastic fork spreading.
Lord have mercy on me and let Jay Allen pass this spacer tomorrow! If any of you will add this prayer request to your own prayer list, I will be thankful and will hug you in Heaven for it.
That is all from Alaska!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Fall in the Wild
Moving on up - to ALASKA |
Military families expect to move every three years and leave good friends behind. When you leave a military community, there are sad goodbyes, but a lot of understanding based on the common experience of moving every couple of years. When a military family leaves a civilian community, there are sad goodbyes and it is not part of a common shared experience. As we prepared to leave, I began to worry about how some of our friends were taking the departure of our family. I think the only thing that allowed some of them to cope with our move is they almost as happy to see me go as they were sad to see Cammie and the kids leave - that's just a theory, but a good one.
The good-byes were long and tearful and I began watching everybody who came by the house very closely to make sure nobody was going to chain themselves to our minivan or kidnap any of our children to delay our PCS. While watching all these goodbyes that I imagined to be the most emotional event since the premier screening of Old Yeller, I realized that I was a little desensitized to the emotions of moving. The day prior, I had said goodbye to our close friends the Roserberrys, who were stationed with us in Louisiana. Our goodbyes were along the lines of, "I'll see you on Facebook, Rhonda. See ya, Ryan. Come visit." No tears and a couple of brief hugs. We will see each other again. I won't miss them less than our neighbors will miss my family, but I learned what a difference experience and expectations make.
Another thing on my mind during all the goodbyes were all the things we still needed to accomplish. Sixteen hours out from our flight and we still had things in the refrigerator, had not packed our bags, and I had to do something with my car. Those of you who know me know how much fun I was to be around while this was weighing on me. I tried to relax, but I had to pray through this in order to not have a stroke.
We got back to our hotel room sometime around 2130 and got the kids in bed as quickly as possible. Cammie starting setting stuff aside to donate to Goodwill and throwing stuff away. I took the lead in organizing the bags after she had them mostly packed so we would be sure not to have more than we could carry through the airport. I laid two bags by each person's clothes for the next day. By 2300, we were somewhat ready, but we had two hampers and three boxes of stuff that we had to dispose of. Our neighbor volunteered to help us with that so I planned to take all the stay behind stuff to her house the next morning while I handed over the keys to my car.
The small drama over the fate of my old car Blue had an unusual, but happy ending. While preparing our house to turn over to our landlords, I explained to a man I had just met, Coach Mac, the dilemma of what to do with my Fairlane while I lived in Alaska. I did not have the means to get the car to South Carolina or Alabama, where I had volunteers to store her, and get myself back to DC to fly out to Alaska. The Army would not allow me to fly out from Atlanta, so I was a bit stuck. I could not get Blue to Alaska without great expense and time, neither of which I could afford. The gentleman looked at me and said, "I would love to have your car." I asked how much he would pay for it and he hesitated a minute, but I made a quick counter offer. "How would you feel about buying it from me and agreeing to sell it back in three years?" He liked that deal so much that a tear came to his eye. Actually, a few tears came to his eye, but it was from happiness. For $1.00, I sold my beloved old car to a Christian brother who is already using the attention that car draws to talk to people about Jesus. I told him that it would be fine with me to update the Ten Commandments license plate with something more New Testament and he teared up again. We established a handover time of 0730 the morning of 25 September to complete the transaction.
We now had a great plan for 25 September. A 0700 wake up for the family. I would have donuts from Dunkin in the room when they wake up for motivation. Then, I would be off to drop the stay behind package at the neighbor's, hand over Blue's keys to Coach Mac, and then return to the room for a 0900 shuttle ride to the airport. A perfect plan, until.....
At 0550 in the morning, my cell phone went off and I got there in time to see an 800 number that I thought was a telemarketer. But, telemarketer's don't leave voice mails and this caller did. I checked the voice mail and heard United Airlines tell me that my flight, "has been affected by a cancellation." What in the world did that mean? Did they cancel the in flight movie or my flight? I called the reservation number and found out that our nice 1245 flight was canceled. The only flight from Dulles that would make our connection to Alaska was a 0930 flight. Three hours cut out of our perfect plan, but it was our only option. I had the lady switch all five of us to the 0930 flight and she confirmed we were all re-booked.
So, Cammie and I huddled and issued a quick FRAGO. I was immediately off to drop the stay behind package, text Coach Mac to have him meet me at the hotel instead of my house, re-schedule the hotel shuttle for 0715, and bring back donuts. Cammie would wake the kids and pillow pets and get all the luggage on a cart. It was now 0615 and we had one hour to execute.
I returned to the hotel at 0655 and saw our cab driver waiting in the lobby (it was too early for the shuttle), a fully loaded luggage cart in the room, three dressed kids, and a wife who I was extremely proud of - Cammie does not like to be rushed, but she responded like a paratrooper.
At 0705, Coach Mac texted from the parking lot and was there to take custody of Blue. God was smiling on us and everything was going on time. I gave Coach Mac the car and our last two Dunkin Donuts and we exchanged a good strong Christian handshake to seal the deal. I cried a little as my car pulled away, but then I remembered there are always reunions!
At 0714, I walked back into the hotel and saw our luggage cart getting off the elevator. I was proud of my family for pulling this off. The gentleman driving our cab wanted our kids to ride two to a seat to make room for the luggage, so I had to send him to the driver's seat while I loaded the luggage and the family to meet Virginia safety laws and Mommy Benefield's standards. All my years of hauling hay paid off that day and every bag was secure and every Benefield had their own seat belt on the way to the airport. And just to reassure my old hay hauling buddies, there was nothing tied to the top of the mini-van taxi - we got it all inside.
We arrived at the airport a little early because, well, because I don't trust the people who work for United or at Dulles to be efficient. My suspicions were somewhat confirmed when we checked in and found that the reservation agent had only re-booked Cammie and the kids. I was still on the canceled flight. The agent who helped us at the airport was grumpy due to a barking dog, but she was very efficient (my kind of people). She got us seats somewhat together with time to mosey through security.
After we checked our bags, I gathered the family for another FRAGO on security procedures. After the brief, tThe kids acknowledged that they would empty their pockets, take off their shoes, remove their belts, and James acknowledged that he WOULD NOT get naked as we passed through security. I have seen a lot of families go through the security line and I think we might have the Dulles record for a family of five. It was like an OPFOR battle drill. Again, I was proud of my crew.
With all the focus on getting to the airport, we had not really talked much about the flight for a few days. So, we assembled at the gate for a refresher on Benefield flight procedures. It was a pretty simple brief- if any of my children misbehaved on the flight or deliberately caused a scene, there would be several consequences. The first infraction would cause Santa Clause to strike them from his list. Any misbehavior beyond that and I would start giving away their favorite toys. If it got really bad, I would issue them prison clothes and make their rooms in Alaska look like prison cells until they were properly rehabilitated. My kids were under a lot of stress, but this was not time to tolerate bad behavior.
Deterrence worked! My kids were excited, but well behaved on the plane. As the plane took off, Jay Allen yelled, "YEAH, BABY!" James yelled out, "I berlieve I can fly!" Jay Allen couldn't get enough - he wanted to "blast off" instead of "take off". Carlie was quietly just as excited, and all together, we are quite a comedy show. We should have charged all those laughing passengers for the extra entertainment. Watching my three kids, it is easy to forget that many people are scared of flying.
When we got to Chicago, we had an almost five hour layover. We learned from friends in Alaska that there was a huge earthquake there while we were flying, but no significant damage. I could only think that was a warm up for what James would bring to the state. We ate lunch and tried to contain our children, but they spent almost all of their good behavior. We loaded the plane just before Santa had to get his red pen out.
As we boarded the plane, I pointed out to James a gentlemen wearing a sweatshirt from the Arkansas Razorbacks, Alabama's opponent that day. I planted an idea in his head and was proud of James when we boarded the plane. The Arkansas fan was sitting in the first seat we passed and James stopped and said, "YOU ARE GOING DOWN, PORK CHOP! ROLL TIDE!" The guy in the sweatshirt and all the surrounding passengers really enjoyed that - more than the game as it would turn out.
The flight to the final frontier was long and a bit challenging. The first challenge was that the movie was supposed to be the Karate Kid. The kids were sorely disappointed when the movie turned out to be the Grownups, but being the veteran parents we are, we had video games and activity books on hand for plan B.
My kids are just not normal and do not have many fears (flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz withstanding). On the flight into Anchorage, we had the worst turbulence I have ever experienced on a commercial flight. It was so bad I was looking for the yellow oxygen masks and I think I saw the tail of the plane pass the nose once. Jay Allen slept through it and Carlie and James laughed and cheered the worse it got. This was quite a contrast to the tense atmosphere created by the other passengers, who were gasping, crossing themselves, and praying up a storm. I was worried that some of the terrified passengers were going to yell at my kids, but none did. I was strangely amused and worried at the same time, but again, proud of my kids for being so fearless. Different experience and different expectations showed themselves again.
Airport Bear |
The Sanders brought our new vehicle, THE BEAST, to the airport for us so we were instantly mobile. The BEAST is an 1984 Surburban that the kids have already embraced as the family vehicle. I bought it off Craig's List for a very small sum, but I have doubled my investment since adding snow tires and replacing the battery and alternator. I am going to have to buy jumper cables and remember to carry warming blankets in the car in case it ever has issues again, but still, it is a rolling playground par excellence.
The BEAST |
Alaska is a different planet. There are Eskimos and Russians and all kinds of different flavors of people and creatures here. Moose crossing signs and public service announcements to stay away from bears are common. There are also signs everywhere reminding you that, "It is illegal to feed foxes." Cammie is going to starve!
But alas, I did feed Cammie and did so at the Snow City Cafe in Anchorage for our first meal in Alaska. It was the absolute best breakfast we have ever eaten and well worth the car payment it cost! I have never had a crab omelet before, but it was number one! All the kids had hot chocolate and Cammie had a fru fru coffee that she thoroughly enjoyed. The only uncomfortable part of breakfast was trying to keep James from talking about the host's many piercings. He had a nose ring that I almost convinced myself was there so he could be pulled through the snow in case he slid off the road into a ditch.
Snow City |
The big kids are now Birchwood Mustangs and James is Little Lamb of Peace, the name of the Lutheran pre-school. Carlie and Jay Allen have a PE teacher named Mr. Armstrong and they are already signed up for a 3k and 1k race respectively. Mr. Armstrong told us about the ice skating and cross country skiing and came just short of saying, "I have the coolest adult job ever!"
So, the Benefields are braving the final frontier and already going native. I caught myself on the phone today saying, "That's not too cold," when my buddy told me that it would only get down to single digits here in the winter. To go native faster, I think we will go see what an Alaskan football game looks like this Friday. The Chugiak High School Mustangs are in the football playoffs and from what I hear, we have more people working in our concession stands at high school games in Alabama than they have in the stands here. I am really hoping for a moose to run on the field - nothing would please my kids more!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Four Days of Fast and Furious Vacation
We are moving this summer, but we don't know when. The kids didn't get out of school until June 24th and they are likely to start back to school by August 17th. I am in school until September. If you are confused about our situation, just be thankful that you are not us.
So, because of our crazy summer, we took a mini-vacation over the Forth of July Weekend. Cammie and the kids drove down on Friday and we started our weekend. We went to the PX and picked up a few supplies for the weekend and made our plan for the rest of the day. While checking out at the PX, the lady working the register swore that I looked just like Kenny Chesney. I had never heard that one before, so I checked it out and asked my kids. They said no way - I don't even own a cowboy hat. I may look a little like the country singer/songwriter, Jason Benefield, but an older, clean shaven version.
Now supplied with all life's necessities, we hustled the kids to the beach at Damneck Military Reservation. It was a great little spot just for military families. The kids played until we were exhausted and then we planned our trek back to home base (at Norfolk).
We were hungry when we started the journey back, but were soaking wet. Since we couldn't sit down in a respectable restaurant, we called a Domino's Pizza for pick up enroute. Actually, Cammie called and the guy at the Domino's was very friendly and funny. I suspected he was trying to flirt, but Cammie did not participate. She said as she hung up, "Mr. Funnyman finally took my order."
When we stopped to pick up our pizza, I stayed with the kids in the Lucky van and Cammie went inside to pick up the pizza. A deliveryman came out with some fresh pies and asked us how we were doing and what our plans for Independence Day were. I told him we weren't sure, but we were staying on the Naval Reservation. He said, "Oh, you are with Cammie!" I was taken aback and then realized this was Mr. Funnyman. He then began to rattle off all the events and local sites we should see for the 4th. I suspected that he was trying to flirt, but I would not participate. Actually, he was just very friendly, but Mr. Funnyman was not his true identity. In his list of recommendations, he included the Virginia State Zoo in Norfolk. I said we would likely go there and he said, "I do a couple of shows over there. I am a monkey." We did not know what exactly that meant and after our visit, we still do not. But, Mr. Funnyman is a real live monkey of some kind.
For the next two days, our kids quoted the Pizza Monkey as a great authority on Independence Day events in Norfolk. Honestly, I have to admit that he was right on the money with every recommendation and every bit of 411. Pretty good work for a pizza monkey.
So, the next day, the Benefield Five were all the zoo when the gates opened. The kids had a great time and even I enjoyed Virginia's State Zoo. It was more scenic than most zoos and let us get eye to eye with everthing from Meerkats to Giraffes. As we ended our visit, we didn't have a complete consensus on whether we wanted to ride the train, so Cammie took James for a train ride while I took the big kids to the gift shop. Since James would pay $2 for his train ride, I authorized each big kid $2 for the gift shop. I thought we would be playing mission impossible to find something for $2, so I let them pool their money to share something for $4. Can you believe there was an entire rack of little stuffed animals for $1 and some for 50 cents?! I am proud of my big kids because they bought themselves colored bean bag frogs (green and blue) and then asked if they could buy James an animal - all within budget! They picked out the purple giraffe for James, which he instantly dubbed a "bergaffe", despite our efforts to identify it correctly as a giraffe.
Now, the kids all loved their new stuffed animals, but Jay Allen had the bright idea of throwing his green frog on the roof of our guest quarters. Cammie shot some video of me trying to rescue the frog and know when you see it that the vibration in the video is from Cammie's laughter. I almost had that little frogger free when he fell into the gutter. I ultimately failed to recover the frog and had to promise Jay Allen an FRU to get him to quit obsessing about getting somebody to recover the original frog. By the way, FRU stands for Frog Replacement Unit - I will be re-visiting the Zoo gift shop this week.
After experimenting with a public beach in Norfolk Saturday evening, we headed back out to the military beach early Sunday morning. The waves were "wicked" as the kids say. Actually, the waves were literally wicked. It was great fun to get out in the surf, but after only a few minutes, Carlie got turned completely upside down and had so much sand in her hair that she looked more like a life size piece of beach art than a real person. Bless her heart, she waited until she got back to our little piece of the beach before she started crying, but she took quite a lick to the gut and the noggin. She shook it off after an hour or so, but that set the tone for the rest of the day.
Jay Allen took heed and stayed in water no deeper than his knees. James had a life vest and a kick board and was a little more brave than his wise brother. James did temper his bravery by staying with me in the deep water, but eventually, a wave came in that turned me upside down, too. I kept James above the surface, but his Nemo kickboard got away. So, when I came up out of the water, all I heard was James screaming, "NEMO!" and pointing toward his wayward kickboard. I turned around to recover it when a second wave hit me in the face so hard that I lost my NRA hat and my favorite sunglasses. Jay Allen reocovered my NRA hat as it violently washed into the ankle deep water with the wave, but my glasses were gone forever, Poseidon only knows where.
While I was engaged in hand to hand with the Atlantic Ocean, behind me, James was getting pile drived by the wave that claimed my glasses. I turned around in time to see Cammie rushing into the water to grab James's two legs. His two legs were sticking straight up in the air! We pulled him out of the water and saw that he had Carlie's sand sculpture hair do. He was disoriented for a minute, swore (with nice words) he was never going back in the ocean and then declared the whole experience, "AWESOME!"
After the beach, we went to Fort Monroe for their independence celebration. The local country music stations sponsored the event and they had Emily West and Jimmy Wayne as the featured artists. If you are having a hard time explaining all the facts of life to your young children, take them to an open air country music concert and catch up. We learned almost all the dirty words (luckily James did not know these when the wave capsized him), almost every kind of sin, and every sad occasion of life. By the time we life, the kids knew stories about breaking every one of the ten command.ments! That was our payback for skipping Sunday School on the 4th of July.
The first artist, Emily West is a very talented musician, but a bit confused on the difference in a Honky Tonk crowd and a family oriented event at a military installation. She will figure it out, but by the time she does, somebody will teach her kids dirty words and trashy country music songs.
Jimmy Wayne, on the other hand, is a class act with an inspiring story. He closed his set with, "I Love You This Much." Of course, our kids were either asleep or looking for fireworks by the time he did that song, but it was very moving for Cammie and me. Look up Jimmy Wayne, his story, and his music. He has a powerful testimony.
After the concert and the truly awesome fireworks display, I had to carry our stunt surfer, James, back to the van and drive all my sleepy people back to the Naval Base after a long day. You would think that we would rest the next day, but noooo. We were off to Busch Gardens.
My kids went wide open all day at Busch Gardens and rode almost every possi ble ride. If you have never been, go see the Pet Shenanigans. It is a show put on by animals rescued from local shelters and it is hilarious. The animals and trainers do a great job and our kids absolutely loved it. Busch Garden also has two bald eagles and several other unique attractions that make it a great family event. You are not Dad of the year if you don't ride the Super Grover roller coaster more than four times, so mail me my award now and save time.
Actually, Dad was pretty grumpy and tired by the end of the day, but the kids were pretty well behaved. They were all sound asleep on the way home and I suspected they would sleep on the way to Alabama the next day, but Cammie said they did not. They actually behaved so badly for Cammie that they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will never leave them on the side of the road for bad behavior. If she would do such a thing, it would have happened today. So, the grandparents and aunts and uncles in Alabama are going to get a chance to love some rotten little people who are more tired than they have ever been.
Even rotten, I miss those little monkeys and wish we could stock up on energy drinks and do the whole thing again this weekend. I pray all your family vacations are just as frenetic, but you might want to stretch them over a couple of weeks instead of a long weekend.
So, because of our crazy summer, we took a mini-vacation over the Forth of July Weekend. Cammie and the kids drove down on Friday and we started our weekend. We went to the PX and picked up a few supplies for the weekend and made our plan for the rest of the day. While checking out at the PX, the lady working the register swore that I looked just like Kenny Chesney. I had never heard that one before, so I checked it out and asked my kids. They said no way - I don't even own a cowboy hat. I may look a little like the country singer/songwriter, Jason Benefield, but an older, clean shaven version.
Now supplied with all life's necessities, we hustled the kids to the beach at Damneck Military Reservation. It was a great little spot just for military families. The kids played until we were exhausted and then we planned our trek back to home base (at Norfolk).
We were hungry when we started the journey back, but were soaking wet. Since we couldn't sit down in a respectable restaurant, we called a Domino's Pizza for pick up enroute. Actually, Cammie called and the guy at the Domino's was very friendly and funny. I suspected he was trying to flirt, but Cammie did not participate. She said as she hung up, "Mr. Funnyman finally took my order."
When we stopped to pick up our pizza, I stayed with the kids in the Lucky van and Cammie went inside to pick up the pizza. A deliveryman came out with some fresh pies and asked us how we were doing and what our plans for Independence Day were. I told him we weren't sure, but we were staying on the Naval Reservation. He said, "Oh, you are with Cammie!" I was taken aback and then realized this was Mr. Funnyman. He then began to rattle off all the events and local sites we should see for the 4th. I suspected that he was trying to flirt, but I would not participate. Actually, he was just very friendly, but Mr. Funnyman was not his true identity. In his list of recommendations, he included the Virginia State Zoo in Norfolk. I said we would likely go there and he said, "I do a couple of shows over there. I am a monkey." We did not know what exactly that meant and after our visit, we still do not. But, Mr. Funnyman is a real live monkey of some kind.
For the next two days, our kids quoted the Pizza Monkey as a great authority on Independence Day events in Norfolk. Honestly, I have to admit that he was right on the money with every recommendation and every bit of 411. Pretty good work for a pizza monkey.
So, the next day, the Benefield Five were all the zoo when the gates opened. The kids had a great time and even I enjoyed Virginia's State Zoo. It was more scenic than most zoos and let us get eye to eye with everthing from Meerkats to Giraffes. As we ended our visit, we didn't have a complete consensus on whether we wanted to ride the train, so Cammie took James for a train ride while I took the big kids to the gift shop. Since James would pay $2 for his train ride, I authorized each big kid $2 for the gift shop. I thought we would be playing mission impossible to find something for $2, so I let them pool their money to share something for $4. Can you believe there was an entire rack of little stuffed animals for $1 and some for 50 cents?! I am proud of my big kids because they bought themselves colored bean bag frogs (green and blue) and then asked if they could buy James an animal - all within budget! They picked out the purple giraffe for James, which he instantly dubbed a "bergaffe", despite our efforts to identify it correctly as a giraffe.
Now, the kids all loved their new stuffed animals, but Jay Allen had the bright idea of throwing his green frog on the roof of our guest quarters. Cammie shot some video of me trying to rescue the frog and know when you see it that the vibration in the video is from Cammie's laughter. I almost had that little frogger free when he fell into the gutter. I ultimately failed to recover the frog and had to promise Jay Allen an FRU to get him to quit obsessing about getting somebody to recover the original frog. By the way, FRU stands for Frog Replacement Unit - I will be re-visiting the Zoo gift shop this week.
After experimenting with a public beach in Norfolk Saturday evening, we headed back out to the military beach early Sunday morning. The waves were "wicked" as the kids say. Actually, the waves were literally wicked. It was great fun to get out in the surf, but after only a few minutes, Carlie got turned completely upside down and had so much sand in her hair that she looked more like a life size piece of beach art than a real person. Bless her heart, she waited until she got back to our little piece of the beach before she started crying, but she took quite a lick to the gut and the noggin. She shook it off after an hour or so, but that set the tone for the rest of the day.
Jay Allen took heed and stayed in water no deeper than his knees. James had a life vest and a kick board and was a little more brave than his wise brother. James did temper his bravery by staying with me in the deep water, but eventually, a wave came in that turned me upside down, too. I kept James above the surface, but his Nemo kickboard got away. So, when I came up out of the water, all I heard was James screaming, "NEMO!" and pointing toward his wayward kickboard. I turned around to recover it when a second wave hit me in the face so hard that I lost my NRA hat and my favorite sunglasses. Jay Allen reocovered my NRA hat as it violently washed into the ankle deep water with the wave, but my glasses were gone forever, Poseidon only knows where.
While I was engaged in hand to hand with the Atlantic Ocean, behind me, James was getting pile drived by the wave that claimed my glasses. I turned around in time to see Cammie rushing into the water to grab James's two legs. His two legs were sticking straight up in the air! We pulled him out of the water and saw that he had Carlie's sand sculpture hair do. He was disoriented for a minute, swore (with nice words) he was never going back in the ocean and then declared the whole experience, "AWESOME!"
After the beach, we went to Fort Monroe for their independence celebration. The local country music stations sponsored the event and they had Emily West and Jimmy Wayne as the featured artists. If you are having a hard time explaining all the facts of life to your young children, take them to an open air country music concert and catch up. We learned almost all the dirty words (luckily James did not know these when the wave capsized him), almost every kind of sin, and every sad occasion of life. By the time we life, the kids knew stories about breaking every one of the ten command.ments! That was our payback for skipping Sunday School on the 4th of July.
The first artist, Emily West is a very talented musician, but a bit confused on the difference in a Honky Tonk crowd and a family oriented event at a military installation. She will figure it out, but by the time she does, somebody will teach her kids dirty words and trashy country music songs.
Jimmy Wayne, on the other hand, is a class act with an inspiring story. He closed his set with, "I Love You This Much." Of course, our kids were either asleep or looking for fireworks by the time he did that song, but it was very moving for Cammie and me. Look up Jimmy Wayne, his story, and his music. He has a powerful testimony.
After the concert and the truly awesome fireworks display, I had to carry our stunt surfer, James, back to the van and drive all my sleepy people back to the Naval Base after a long day. You would think that we would rest the next day, but noooo. We were off to Busch Gardens.
My kids went wide open all day at Busch Gardens and rode almost every possi ble ride. If you have never been, go see the Pet Shenanigans. It is a show put on by animals rescued from local shelters and it is hilarious. The animals and trainers do a great job and our kids absolutely loved it. Busch Garden also has two bald eagles and several other unique attractions that make it a great family event. You are not Dad of the year if you don't ride the Super Grover roller coaster more than four times, so mail me my award now and save time.
Actually, Dad was pretty grumpy and tired by the end of the day, but the kids were pretty well behaved. They were all sound asleep on the way home and I suspected they would sleep on the way to Alabama the next day, but Cammie said they did not. They actually behaved so badly for Cammie that they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will never leave them on the side of the road for bad behavior. If she would do such a thing, it would have happened today. So, the grandparents and aunts and uncles in Alabama are going to get a chance to love some rotten little people who are more tired than they have ever been.
Even rotten, I miss those little monkeys and wish we could stock up on energy drinks and do the whole thing again this weekend. I pray all your family vacations are just as frenetic, but you might want to stretch them over a couple of weeks instead of a long weekend.
Monday, May 31, 2010
The Memorial Day Concert
Cammie and I volunteered to work the Capital Concert Series Memorial Day Concert. We were part of the team that got the VIP guests registered. Our specific job was to get the folks that showed up at the wrong gate to the right place. We did not know it, but we were at one of the absolute best spots for meeting impressive people. There were better known celebrities entering the other gate, but I wouldn't trade with them.
Before we stood our post, Cammie and I were hanging around as the set up team put names on the chairs in front of the stage. Impressive names - Pelosi, Powell, Casey, and many others. Since we were new members of the team, I sensed that they didn't trust us to get the right names on the right chairs, so we ended up doing nothing for a few minutes before somebody directed us to the stage where Brad Paisley was warming up. I don't want you country fans to be jealous, but we were so close to Brad, we could tell you what flavor of chewing gum he was chewing. I knew who Brad is, I have heard his songs, but I think he won me over as a fan just last night. The kid can really sing and he tried to speak to every military person in uniform he saw. After he ran through his set and the cameras figured out how to shoot the stage with a crowd around it, we left the stage to get our event briefing.
Our briefing was long and detailed, but the message was really this - get the right people to the right place and don't accidentally insult any of them or walk in front of a live camera. This was going to be tough duty for me.
Cammie and I were posted under the supervision of our neighbor, Bob. The three of us were positioned at a public exit that doubled as the handicap entrance. The set up for last year's concert was different and I believe that is why the staff correctly assumed some of the wayward VIPs would enter our gate. The guests of the National Symphony Orchestra were supposed to enter there and one of their representatives completed Team Bob. We did a very informal coordination brief with the Capital Police which established that somebody with a gun on their hip would turn away folks who were not supposed to enter and one of Team Bob would escort wayward VIPs to the correct entrance whether it be the NSO gate or the VIP registration. The Capital Police ran a tight ship, but we did see one infiltrator stop and put on a back brace just before entering. That young lady didn't need that back brace unless she had sprained it while sun-bathing on the lawn minutes earlier.
Before we got busy, I checked our water supply at the outside gate and went to the nearest facilities to prepare myself for a long stretch without a bathroom. You would think as long as I have been around that I would know the protocol for every situation, but I found a new one. What is the proper thing to do when the National Anthem plays while you are in a porta potty? I found myself in (dark green) conundrum, so I quickly exited and assumed the appropriately respectful posture for the Star Spangled Banner. Then, halfway through, I lost all confidence that I had zipped my pants and I had to check. I was good and I don't think anybody noticed me.
So, as the concert approached, we began to get a few guests at our gate. Two of the first VIPs who came through our gate were two Gold Star Widows who were there with the TAPS program (http://www.taps.org/). As I walked the two ladies to the proper entrance, I offered to carry the baby that the very young widow was carrying. She declined and said that the little girl behaved a little unpredictably with men because she missed her daddy. Nothing gets your mind right for Memorial Day like a six month old little girl in her mother's arms who will never see her daddy again. Luckily, there was enough sweat around my eyes to camouflage anything else that might have appeared. As the mom prepared to go through the security gate, I couldn't resist reaching out and touching the little girl on the arm and smiling at her. She smiled back and I said a quick prayer that somebody on this earth would watch over her on her father's behalf.
I walked back to my post and was really thankful that we had drawn this gate. We weren't greeting celebrities, but the real VIPs of Memorial day. I had not been back long with a large group of older ladies dressed in white showed up. These were the Gold Star Mothers. What a great group of ladies! I escorted them all the way into the concert area and we arranged to bypass the registration table because several of the Vietnam mothers had a hard time walking, but they never complained. They were the age of my late grandmothers and they were a hoot, just like my grandmothers! The ladies were very excited that they saw Joe Montegna as they entered and let me know that he always visited with them during these concerts. They were huge fans of Joe, as am I, but more so today after learning that he is such a fan and supporter of the Gold Star Moms. If you watched the concert, you may have seen the Gold Star Moms all in white in some of the camera shots. If you know any of these ladies, tell them they are a national treasure!
The next VIPs I escorted in were a Gold Star family. I don't know remember their names, but they were a great bunch of folks, too. As I carried them in to registration, Gary Sinise was standing right by us. I pointed him out to the young daughters of the family. "Who?" they asked. Gary Sinise, you know, LT Dan. "He dances." No, LT Dan, the CSI NY guy. OHHHH, the CSI NY guy. They turned to tell one of the adult ladies that they had just seen the CSI NY guy and she began to interrogate me. She had walked right by him without noticing and was completely beside herself. So, I made one wrong turn on the way to registration to give them the best chance to see him again, but he had already stepped into his trailer. The lady was crestfallen and made me promise to tell Gary Sinise that she "hearts him." Luckily, I think she got to meet him at the reception afterward and I was off the hook. It struck me is that the teenagers had no idea who LT Dan is. Is Forrest Gump ancient history already?
While I was escorting this family in, two more VIPs showed at our gate. Two Medal of Honor recipients entered and Cammie escorted them to the proper gate. I regret that we did not get their names, but I spotted the distinctive medals from a couple hundred meters away and made a straight line to them. In a normal military setting, I would have saluted the men, but since I was not in uniform or on duty, I shook their hands and told them it was an honor to meet them. I was really overcome with gratitude for all these heroes and VIPs I had met. They all made a great effort to thank me and the others for helping them get to the right place - we should have been thanking them -just great people.
Another great guy I saw entering the concert is Dennis Haysbert. I met him briefly in Baghdad and found him to be more impressive in person than on TV. When I first met him, I told him he was my favorite president and in the spirit of Ronald Reagan, I think maybe he should take a run at the White House in real life.
After the concert started, we were relieved from our post and were able to join the crowd. We ended up sitting in front of several of the people we had escorted in and can attest that they all really enjoyed the concert.
While we were watching the concert, we got to see Colin Powell and several other dignitaries at close range. I believe they all did a great job of honoring our fallen comrades and I was deeply moved by the concert/memorial service. All of the celebrities at this event were a cut above the normal Hollywood crowd. I only heard good things about all of the "talent" at this event, including Lionel Richie. Since Cammie and I missed his first performance, we were thankful to see our favorite artist of the night sing America the Beautiful to close the show.
The end of the show was not the end, though. Security stopped me at the end of my row of chairs and had me wait. As I waited, they escorted Speaker Pelosi right by me. She was carrying a really cute little baby and I could have reached out and touched them both. Grandmother Pelosi seems to be a really likable person. I won't be less critical of the Speaker's politics in the future, but I am thankful for the respect she paid to our fallen as the senior representative of our government that night. She did not get the rock star quality reception from the crowd that Colin Powell and Brad Paisley received and I don't think she expected it, but she was there. That is something and I give her credit for that.
If you get a chance to watch the 2010 or future Memorial Day Capital concerts, I encourage you to do so. And, while watching, raise a glass and drink a toast to our fallen comrades and the loved ones they left behind. As we gather with former Geronimos today, we will take time to do that as well.
Before we stood our post, Cammie and I were hanging around as the set up team put names on the chairs in front of the stage. Impressive names - Pelosi, Powell, Casey, and many others. Since we were new members of the team, I sensed that they didn't trust us to get the right names on the right chairs, so we ended up doing nothing for a few minutes before somebody directed us to the stage where Brad Paisley was warming up. I don't want you country fans to be jealous, but we were so close to Brad, we could tell you what flavor of chewing gum he was chewing. I knew who Brad is, I have heard his songs, but I think he won me over as a fan just last night. The kid can really sing and he tried to speak to every military person in uniform he saw. After he ran through his set and the cameras figured out how to shoot the stage with a crowd around it, we left the stage to get our event briefing.
Our briefing was long and detailed, but the message was really this - get the right people to the right place and don't accidentally insult any of them or walk in front of a live camera. This was going to be tough duty for me.
Cammie and I were posted under the supervision of our neighbor, Bob. The three of us were positioned at a public exit that doubled as the handicap entrance. The set up for last year's concert was different and I believe that is why the staff correctly assumed some of the wayward VIPs would enter our gate. The guests of the National Symphony Orchestra were supposed to enter there and one of their representatives completed Team Bob. We did a very informal coordination brief with the Capital Police which established that somebody with a gun on their hip would turn away folks who were not supposed to enter and one of Team Bob would escort wayward VIPs to the correct entrance whether it be the NSO gate or the VIP registration. The Capital Police ran a tight ship, but we did see one infiltrator stop and put on a back brace just before entering. That young lady didn't need that back brace unless she had sprained it while sun-bathing on the lawn minutes earlier.
Before we got busy, I checked our water supply at the outside gate and went to the nearest facilities to prepare myself for a long stretch without a bathroom. You would think as long as I have been around that I would know the protocol for every situation, but I found a new one. What is the proper thing to do when the National Anthem plays while you are in a porta potty? I found myself in (dark green) conundrum, so I quickly exited and assumed the appropriately respectful posture for the Star Spangled Banner. Then, halfway through, I lost all confidence that I had zipped my pants and I had to check. I was good and I don't think anybody noticed me.
So, as the concert approached, we began to get a few guests at our gate. Two of the first VIPs who came through our gate were two Gold Star Widows who were there with the TAPS program (http://www.taps.org/). As I walked the two ladies to the proper entrance, I offered to carry the baby that the very young widow was carrying. She declined and said that the little girl behaved a little unpredictably with men because she missed her daddy. Nothing gets your mind right for Memorial Day like a six month old little girl in her mother's arms who will never see her daddy again. Luckily, there was enough sweat around my eyes to camouflage anything else that might have appeared. As the mom prepared to go through the security gate, I couldn't resist reaching out and touching the little girl on the arm and smiling at her. She smiled back and I said a quick prayer that somebody on this earth would watch over her on her father's behalf.
I walked back to my post and was really thankful that we had drawn this gate. We weren't greeting celebrities, but the real VIPs of Memorial day. I had not been back long with a large group of older ladies dressed in white showed up. These were the Gold Star Mothers. What a great group of ladies! I escorted them all the way into the concert area and we arranged to bypass the registration table because several of the Vietnam mothers had a hard time walking, but they never complained. They were the age of my late grandmothers and they were a hoot, just like my grandmothers! The ladies were very excited that they saw Joe Montegna as they entered and let me know that he always visited with them during these concerts. They were huge fans of Joe, as am I, but more so today after learning that he is such a fan and supporter of the Gold Star Moms. If you watched the concert, you may have seen the Gold Star Moms all in white in some of the camera shots. If you know any of these ladies, tell them they are a national treasure!
The next VIPs I escorted in were a Gold Star family. I don't know remember their names, but they were a great bunch of folks, too. As I carried them in to registration, Gary Sinise was standing right by us. I pointed him out to the young daughters of the family. "Who?" they asked. Gary Sinise, you know, LT Dan. "He dances." No, LT Dan, the CSI NY guy. OHHHH, the CSI NY guy. They turned to tell one of the adult ladies that they had just seen the CSI NY guy and she began to interrogate me. She had walked right by him without noticing and was completely beside herself. So, I made one wrong turn on the way to registration to give them the best chance to see him again, but he had already stepped into his trailer. The lady was crestfallen and made me promise to tell Gary Sinise that she "hearts him." Luckily, I think she got to meet him at the reception afterward and I was off the hook. It struck me is that the teenagers had no idea who LT Dan is. Is Forrest Gump ancient history already?
While I was escorting this family in, two more VIPs showed at our gate. Two Medal of Honor recipients entered and Cammie escorted them to the proper gate. I regret that we did not get their names, but I spotted the distinctive medals from a couple hundred meters away and made a straight line to them. In a normal military setting, I would have saluted the men, but since I was not in uniform or on duty, I shook their hands and told them it was an honor to meet them. I was really overcome with gratitude for all these heroes and VIPs I had met. They all made a great effort to thank me and the others for helping them get to the right place - we should have been thanking them -just great people.
Another great guy I saw entering the concert is Dennis Haysbert. I met him briefly in Baghdad and found him to be more impressive in person than on TV. When I first met him, I told him he was my favorite president and in the spirit of Ronald Reagan, I think maybe he should take a run at the White House in real life.
After the concert started, we were relieved from our post and were able to join the crowd. We ended up sitting in front of several of the people we had escorted in and can attest that they all really enjoyed the concert.
While we were watching the concert, we got to see Colin Powell and several other dignitaries at close range. I believe they all did a great job of honoring our fallen comrades and I was deeply moved by the concert/memorial service. All of the celebrities at this event were a cut above the normal Hollywood crowd. I only heard good things about all of the "talent" at this event, including Lionel Richie. Since Cammie and I missed his first performance, we were thankful to see our favorite artist of the night sing America the Beautiful to close the show.
The end of the show was not the end, though. Security stopped me at the end of my row of chairs and had me wait. As I waited, they escorted Speaker Pelosi right by me. She was carrying a really cute little baby and I could have reached out and touched them both. Grandmother Pelosi seems to be a really likable person. I won't be less critical of the Speaker's politics in the future, but I am thankful for the respect she paid to our fallen as the senior representative of our government that night. She did not get the rock star quality reception from the crowd that Colin Powell and Brad Paisley received and I don't think she expected it, but she was there. That is something and I give her credit for that.
If you get a chance to watch the 2010 or future Memorial Day Capital concerts, I encourage you to do so. And, while watching, raise a glass and drink a toast to our fallen comrades and the loved ones they left behind. As we gather with former Geronimos today, we will take time to do that as well.
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Haircut from Herndon
I broke my normal routine and went for a haircut before work this morning. I also broke a standing rule that once I find a good barber, I don't change. This was a new barber shop that was conveniently located, so I wanted to try them out.
I showed up at the barber shop before they opened and hoped to get in the front of the line. Actually, I got in before the line. The gentlemen cleaning up took me right in and put me in his chair for the first haircut of the day. Looking back on it, that might have been his first haircut ever!
I told him that I wanted a high and tight flat top, but there was not a clear sign of cognition on his part. There was much pointing and quizzical looks, so I keep saying, "REAL SHORT!" louder and louder. I knew I was in trouble when the man sprayed Febreze in my hair instead of water. The "barber" began giving me a high and tight flat top with scissors! I have seen scissors used after clippers, but never had I received a flat top with scissors. I am pretty sure that I didn't receive a flat top with scissors today, either, because my haircut was beyond description. It was like watching a train wreck and it kept getting worse. Those of you who know me know that my facial expressions told the barber exactly what I thought of my haircut and that just made him nervous. Now, I was getting a flat top with shaky scissors! I tried to relax, but it was killing me watching my haircut go bad. And it went bad for nearly an hour! When the gentleman finished, I asked for a mirror, but he refused to hand me one. When I got to my car, I figured out why. My hair was boogered up like a mangy dog after it wollered in road kill. It was terrible. I was better groomed when I arrived and realized that the man never spoke or acknowledged a single word of English during my entire visit. I think I actually got a haircut from a member of the cleaning crew!
There was no way I could go to work in this condition, so I quickly determined that I was going to get a second hair cut today. I went back to my old barber shop in Chantilly! When I walked in, all the ladies gasped and the man said a curse word in Vietnamese (yes, I recognized it). They were all fixated on my hair and I just said, "Help!"
They asked, "what happened?" I explained that I had been given a flat-top with scissors and they all said, "Ahhhh. You are the second one."
The owner of the barber shop summoned the flat top specialist from the back of the barber shop and the renovation began. I had a complete makeover. When I walked in, my eyebrows were longer than my hair. I had two ear-fros, my original term for excessive ear hair (not an afro, but an ear-fro). My ear-fros were so scary, a child went running out crying (that is a true story). And, there was an embarrassing nose hair issue. So, before she even got to the flat top, she trimmed away all the hair on me that would confuse an Evolutionist about which museum I escaped from.
After all those issues were addressed the flat top work began. She did a great job in spite of the damage done earlier. I had a front to rear fade, a two helicopter landing zone, and a multi-level duplex on my head when we started and I had a respectable high and tight flat top when we finished. The flat top specialist at Sully Barber Shop in Chantilly earned a big tip today! If any of you need a flat-top, go there first. It is much easier than getting a haircut from Herndon.
I showed up at the barber shop before they opened and hoped to get in the front of the line. Actually, I got in before the line. The gentlemen cleaning up took me right in and put me in his chair for the first haircut of the day. Looking back on it, that might have been his first haircut ever!
I told him that I wanted a high and tight flat top, but there was not a clear sign of cognition on his part. There was much pointing and quizzical looks, so I keep saying, "REAL SHORT!" louder and louder. I knew I was in trouble when the man sprayed Febreze in my hair instead of water. The "barber" began giving me a high and tight flat top with scissors! I have seen scissors used after clippers, but never had I received a flat top with scissors. I am pretty sure that I didn't receive a flat top with scissors today, either, because my haircut was beyond description. It was like watching a train wreck and it kept getting worse. Those of you who know me know that my facial expressions told the barber exactly what I thought of my haircut and that just made him nervous. Now, I was getting a flat top with shaky scissors! I tried to relax, but it was killing me watching my haircut go bad. And it went bad for nearly an hour! When the gentleman finished, I asked for a mirror, but he refused to hand me one. When I got to my car, I figured out why. My hair was boogered up like a mangy dog after it wollered in road kill. It was terrible. I was better groomed when I arrived and realized that the man never spoke or acknowledged a single word of English during my entire visit. I think I actually got a haircut from a member of the cleaning crew!
There was no way I could go to work in this condition, so I quickly determined that I was going to get a second hair cut today. I went back to my old barber shop in Chantilly! When I walked in, all the ladies gasped and the man said a curse word in Vietnamese (yes, I recognized it). They were all fixated on my hair and I just said, "Help!"
They asked, "what happened?" I explained that I had been given a flat-top with scissors and they all said, "Ahhhh. You are the second one."
The owner of the barber shop summoned the flat top specialist from the back of the barber shop and the renovation began. I had a complete makeover. When I walked in, my eyebrows were longer than my hair. I had two ear-fros, my original term for excessive ear hair (not an afro, but an ear-fro). My ear-fros were so scary, a child went running out crying (that is a true story). And, there was an embarrassing nose hair issue. So, before she even got to the flat top, she trimmed away all the hair on me that would confuse an Evolutionist about which museum I escaped from.
After all those issues were addressed the flat top work began. She did a great job in spite of the damage done earlier. I had a front to rear fade, a two helicopter landing zone, and a multi-level duplex on my head when we started and I had a respectable high and tight flat top when we finished. The flat top specialist at Sully Barber Shop in Chantilly earned a big tip today! If any of you need a flat-top, go there first. It is much easier than getting a haircut from Herndon.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Vacation 2010
The Benefields rolled out to the Virginia Beach Area for spring break this year with weather more suited for a snow skiing trip. It was nearly freezing the day we left and it was rainy and cold at the beach.
Our little Fort Story beach cabin was adequate for warm weather, but not really designed to contain a high spirited group of kids like ours. We discovered within minutes of arrival that it was very hard to even think with the kids running wild in the house. We went on a short walk, but a hungry fox was stalking us, so I had to chase him away and then calm down the kids. In order to get the kids in bed earlier, we gave the kids the bedrooms and we slept on the fold out couch in the living room. We made that decision before we actually folded out the couch. I laid on the bed first and Cammie asked if it was comfortable. If being poked by bed springs in the ribs and legs and parts in between is considered comfortable, this bed rocked! I warned Cammie that unless she had spent some time in prison I didn't know about, this bed was going to suck worse than any she had ever slept on. I was right. So, after 17 years of marriage, Cammie is now also my prison girlfriend after the night we spent on that bed.
Our first full day at the beach started with James having war with a spider at the foot of our bed and was characterized by floods and road closures. So we were going to have a day inside, but not, Lord willing, in the tiny prison cell we were renting. We put the kids in front of the TV while we developed a plan, so they embarked on a rainy day Evan Almighty marathon. They never asked me to build us an ark, but I know they were starting to worry as the stormy ocean outside made the movie storms look very calm. Or maybe the little people were paying closer attention to Evan Almighty than I thought.
On viewing three of Evan Almighty, I went to the ticket office at Fort Story and bought tickets to the Pirate ship, Nauticus and USS Wisconsin for the family. This was a http://www.nauticus.org/ great family event, but I think the adults may have been more interested than the children.
We all had fun, but we were "starving to death" as Jay Allen says, by 1500! After trying to put dinner off with a family sized pretzel, we gave in to hunger and journeyed back to Bubba's seafood restaurant. By 1600, we were seated for dinner. The kids were somewhat well behaved, but as an elderly couple walked in, James saw the silver haired lady with glasses and yelled, "GRAMMY!" It took some convincing, but we finally got James to believe that the lady was not his grammy. Of course, that was nicer than what the boys called her husband. After all the Evan Almighty watching, my boys called the elderly man the "weirdo with a beardo." We could not get them to quit saying this in spite of elevating to Threatcon three (threat of a public beating). I am thankful that the weir...I mean the elderly man is hard of hearing or he might have well been offended.
It is important to us as parents to keep our promises, so we took our children to the beach as promised on Tuesday, even while the risk of hypothermia and frost bite was still very high. The kids played until they turned blue and made us to promise to come back each day until we left, though sunshine and warmth was not forecast until the day after we left. Maybe we should extend at the beach a day.
Besides the beach, we played a lot of baseball on this vacation. I have two little league ball players in the family and Carlie is very dedicated to practicing. She had me out in the yard playing catch for two or three hours a day. Jay Allen participated a little, but Carlie practiced relentlessly. I have to admit that she came back from the beach with much better catch and throw skills and is a possible starter at second base! Heck, I came back from the beach with much better catch and throw skills - just in case Bobby Cox is reading this.
Wednesday was not super warm, but relatively warm compared to the other days. We hauled it back out to the beach and hung out until we were all blue and shivering again. Carlie had awaken me at 0630 that morning to look for dolphins and we had seen none, so when I spotted a large group of dolphins early that afternoon, there was great rejoicing in the Benefield family! These dolphins didn't dance on their tails the way the Jekyll Island dolphins did, but making an appearance was huge for our animal and ocean loving children.
The dolphins were a great finale to our beach visit that day, so we loaded up to re-visit the USS Wisconsin (the tours were closed due to rain and slick decks the first day). As we started toward town, Jay Allen declared, "James doesn't have on any pants!" And he didn't. Not sure how he got in the van in his drawers without us noticing, but he did. After we ran back to our cell to get pants on James, we got back to the Wisconsin and had a great time walking through the old ship and its history.
As much fun as the dolphins and Wisconsin were, the big event was visiting the Polings, Bob and April. Our kids love to visit and they thought that Bob and April's house was "awesome". There were cats to terrorize and kids to play with and a pit of balls that James thought was the best thing ever, despite the bad things Bob said about the pit of balls. Visiting with the Polings is always great, and being able to work that into vacation is a definite bonus.
As Wednesday came to a close, we realized that we needed one more day at the beach. When we asked to extend one night in our prison cell, the lodging staff told us that it was taken and they had no room except for the VIP "CG's cottage." Cammie's first instinct was that we were out of luck, but I wanted to know who was in the CG's cottage and whether we rent it. The lodging staff could not answer this for us, but they did put us in touch with the CG's office. Come to think of it, the lodging staff was not overly helpful during the entire stay. When Cammie tried to drop some mail with them, they told her that they could not mail her letter because they were "federal employees." Luckily, the people at the post office did not make the same protest or we would have never gotten that letter mailed!
Back to the issue at hand, the CG's office attacked our lodging crisis as if we lived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (and no, I didn't tell them that). They were great. After they checked with everybody and their brother to make sure no real VIPs wanted the CG's cottage, they instructed the lodging office to rent it to us. After working through the fact that they were federal employees and what was in their job description, we finally got our sleeping arrangements for our final night worked out.
Quick aside for Jesus - I don't think it is any accident that we were upgraded from a prison cell to a mansion during Holy Week. How appropriate! I just need to remember that when life's springs are poking me in the ribs that a mansion does await me!
The VIP quarters were wonderful. They were so comfortable, we hardly wanted to come back home. Our last day at the beach was awesome and closed out a great week.We grilled more seafood from Bubba's on the grill and it was cooked perfectly (if I do say so myself). Nothing better than seafood at the beach.
After wrapping up our all-time favorite family beach vacation, it was time to head home. The family did indulge me a quick stop at the Global Supply Solution http://www.gssgear.com/home.html store to buy some Vibram Fivefinger shoes. I bought the shoes, wore them out of the store and we headed home (I will post more on these shoes later).
We fueled up Lucky the Van and filled our bellies at McDonald's and headed north. As Lucky ran with traffic at about 70 mph, a helicopter attempted to land on our roof. At least, that is what Carlie said it sounded like. I thought it sounded like the loudest jake braking ever and Cammie wondered who was running down the shoulder on the speed strips.Other than the sound effects, the blowout not very dramatic and we were all unfazed and thankful. The kids never even paused their video games, but we all realized it could have been much different.
For anybody wanting to have a picnic, I recommend the 105 mile marker on I-95. If you can forego the blowout, all the better. We were spread out in the median like the Clampetts and road side assistance took an hour to get to us. At least we were not hurt or freezing and Lucky the van survived another chapter in its life unscathed. Worse than the blowout, the temp tire almost got us smoked by a semi. Those tires are supposed to be rated for 50 mph driving, but I don't feel safe at any speed with the temp tire. We would not be traveling the remaining 80 miles home on this bicycle tire for sure. We swerved like drunken sailors in the first mile and looked for a place to get our real tire fixed.
We pulled off at a nearby exit and found a tire repair shop co-located with a Cracker Barrel. Thank you, Jesus! For the record, the tire repair cost the same price as the "Fish Fry" at Cracker Barrel, so my wallet came out of the blowout better than it came out of dinner. And that is how I like it - if I am going to spend money on a spare tire, I want it to be the one around my middle!
Well, that is all from Vacation. God Bless you all and have a great Easter!
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Birthday OPORD
1. SITUATION - Momma's 36th Birthday.
a. Enemy Forces. Time and normal household ops.
b. Friendly Forces. Friends and Family.
(1) Higher unit. Dad intends for Mom to have a great day!
(2) Gifts have arrived from siblings and parents.
(3) Facebook friends are sending wishes.
c. Attachments and Detachments. Benefield organic unit.
2. MISSION
The four other Benefields in Northern Virginia are going to make 23 March a special day Cammie, the mommie, so she can enjoy her 36th birthday without stress or undue effort.
3. EXECUTION
Commander’s Intent. If momma is happy, we may all be happy, but if momma ain't happy, we all ain't happy.
a. Concept of the Operation. We will cook breakfast and present the mommie girl with gifts before she gains morning consciousness.
(1) Maneuver. This will be a two phase operation with an operational pause.
1st phase is breakfast.
OPERATIONAL Pause is in effect during school and work hours.
Second phase starts with dinner and ends at bedtime.
b. Tasks to Subordinate Elements. Breakfast will be a joint effort with the following assignments:
Coffee: Daddy
Biscuits: James
Eggs: Carlie
Sausage (or bacon): Jay Allen
Plates, silver, and condiments: Daddy and Carlie
c. Coordinating Instructions. Gifts, cards, and candy will be contributed to the birthday display and will await mommie in the kitchen. When she gains morning consciousness and comes down the steps, it will be waiting on her.
Priority intelligence requirements and reporting tasks.
If Mommie spots any of the gifts early, report to daddy immediately.
If anybody is awake before 0600, report yourself back to bed.
No disclosure of this OPORD is permitted.
Timeline:
0600 - First call for all (-mommie)
0605 - Start Breakfast and gift prep
0645 - Breakfast preparation complete
0655 - Gift and cards complete
0700 - Awaken the Mommie Girl for her 36th Birthday
0701 - sing Happy Birthday
0705 - Breakfast (with the in-bed option offered)
4. SERVICE SUPPORT. Grocery and gift inventory completed by daddy 221800Mar2010.
5. COMMAND AND SIGNAL
a. Command.
(1) Daddy has command (until Mommie wakes up).
(2) Family HQs will remain with mommie.
(3) Alternate command post located with daddy and passes to Carlie in case of emergency.
b. Signal.
(1) Normal phone numbers and signals in effect.
(2) Listening silence, if applicable (and possible).
(3) Code words - Happy Birthday!
ACKNOWLEDGE:
HOME DADDY
HOUSEHOLD COMMANDER
a. Enemy Forces. Time and normal household ops.
b. Friendly Forces. Friends and Family.
(1) Higher unit. Dad intends for Mom to have a great day!
(2) Gifts have arrived from siblings and parents.
(3) Facebook friends are sending wishes.
c. Attachments and Detachments. Benefield organic unit.
2. MISSION
The four other Benefields in Northern Virginia are going to make 23 March a special day Cammie, the mommie, so she can enjoy her 36th birthday without stress or undue effort.
3. EXECUTION
Commander’s Intent. If momma is happy, we may all be happy, but if momma ain't happy, we all ain't happy.
a. Concept of the Operation. We will cook breakfast and present the mommie girl with gifts before she gains morning consciousness.
(1) Maneuver. This will be a two phase operation with an operational pause.
1st phase is breakfast.
OPERATIONAL Pause is in effect during school and work hours.
Second phase starts with dinner and ends at bedtime.
b. Tasks to Subordinate Elements. Breakfast will be a joint effort with the following assignments:
Coffee: Daddy
Biscuits: James
Eggs: Carlie
Sausage (or bacon): Jay Allen
Plates, silver, and condiments: Daddy and Carlie
c. Coordinating Instructions. Gifts, cards, and candy will be contributed to the birthday display and will await mommie in the kitchen. When she gains morning consciousness and comes down the steps, it will be waiting on her.
Priority intelligence requirements and reporting tasks.
If Mommie spots any of the gifts early, report to daddy immediately.
If anybody is awake before 0600, report yourself back to bed.
No disclosure of this OPORD is permitted.
Timeline:
0600 - First call for all (-mommie)
0605 - Start Breakfast and gift prep
0645 - Breakfast preparation complete
0655 - Gift and cards complete
0700 - Awaken the Mommie Girl for her 36th Birthday
0701 - sing Happy Birthday
0705 - Breakfast (with the in-bed option offered)
4. SERVICE SUPPORT. Grocery and gift inventory completed by daddy 221800Mar2010.
5. COMMAND AND SIGNAL
a. Command.
(1) Daddy has command (until Mommie wakes up).
(2) Family HQs will remain with mommie.
(3) Alternate command post located with daddy and passes to Carlie in case of emergency.
b. Signal.
(1) Normal phone numbers and signals in effect.
(2) Listening silence, if applicable (and possible).
(3) Code words - Happy Birthday!
ACKNOWLEDGE:
HOME DADDY
HOUSEHOLD COMMANDER
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Spring Break for Josh's Car
A friend of mine had to take her son's car from him for a semester, so I offered to test drive it and make sure it was ok for her son to drive when he got it back. I took Josh's car on spring break to so he would know it was having fun even without him. I sense that Josh might see this differently, so I wrote "STOLEN" on the car in his honor.
This stolen car helped me get to a missions event in Virginia Beach were I spoke to the group about World Vision. Virginia Beach is nice, but it's more fun when it is warm and when Cammie can join me. Everything seemed a little off on this trip - I had to actually go in to work at Norfolk and then had the misfortune of failing to notice (until I left) that the Chinese Restaurant where I took my dinner was next door to an animal clinic- that just raises too many questions. I even went to the wrong church and started sharing World Vision with the wrong group, but they helped get back on track and to the right church. The kids I (finally) spoke to looked tired and I'm not sure I kept their interest, but I guess its possible all those text messages they were sending while I was speaking were just to tell their friends how awesome World Vision is. I still feel bad about yelling at the little girl who yawned, but there was no more yawning after that, so I guess it worked. The kids joined in the fun with Josh's car, too. They thought it was really neat that Josh's car got to go on spring break.
I also got Josh's car a souvenir flip flop air freshener before we drove home. That was a good call because I needed some deep breaths after I saw a lady swerve across three lanes of Interstate traffic and smoke her tires coming to a stop. I pulled over to help her with whatever emergency caused her to almost wreck the northbound lane of I-95; I was even regretting that I didn't bring my trauma kit because I knew something bad must have happened. I hope she felt silly when she told me that nothing was wrong - her poodle just had to pee. Good gravy! I would like to apologize to the gentlemen with the Texas Longhorn bumper sticker, too. It was inappropriate of me to wave my Alabama Crimson Tide hat at you and roll down my window and yell, "ROLL TIDE! ROLL TIDE!" at you, but it was good stress relief after the poodle lady incident.
I got the car back safe, all cleaned up, and ready to go home.
It was a great weekend for Josh's car and me! Maybe we can do it again sometime!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Grave Digger Diggers
The Benefield men just joined the world of Monster Truck fans. We drove to Baltimore for Monster Jam and had a great time. I thought we should show a couple hours early, but that was not the best idea. They didn't open the gates until an hour before the event for normal tickets. We were not getting in the arena before then without a special pass, UNLESS....
Since we were so early, we hit the local eating establishments. First, I treated the boys to Dunkin Donuts, their favorite! Then we moved on to McDonald's for a lunch-like treat. To give you an idea of how rough this McDonald's was, they had crime scene tape in the supply closet. There was a drug dealer distributing pills from a prescription bottle and I had to act like I didn't notice so as not to get stabbed. I did get noticed pretending not to notice, though, and the buyer started watching me. He stood up when I stood up and he followed us out. There was another dad in the McDonald's and I planned my exit with his just in case of such an event. As we all walked toward the arena, I prepared to hand my boys to the dad beside us and refresh my hand to hand skills on the streets of Baltimore. Luckily, the buyer decided to turn off. I mean, good gravy, we wanted to see Monster trucks, not a street fight!
The arena was still not open for Monster Jam, but they did have a boy scout event a couple of hours early that allowed the scouts and parents to meet all the drivers and see the trucks before the show. I managed to infiltrate behind a line of boy scouts and act like I was looking for my troop leader (who was holding the passes). When asked if I was with the Boy Scouts, I simply said, "Absolutely, all the way," and I was honest about not not having any passes, but the lady assumed one of my boys must be a scout and that our troop leader had our passes. We had a great time walking around with the scouts looking at the trucks and will continue to give Boy Scouts our full support in the future! I am also thankful that I got to refresh my infiltration skills and not my hand to hand skills, which is what I fear would have happened if we had been kicked back outside with the drug buyer from McDonald's.
The Monster Jam show was very well done. I enjoyed it immensely and the boys were just blown away. The trucks and bikes and motorcycles were all awesome performances. We spent our entire souvenir and snack allowance before the show, but the boys have gravedigger hats and banners and cotton candy to show for it.
There was a dad near me who was about to get into a fight with an obnoxious mom in front of us who kept blocking our view (no, it was not me- he was sitting by me), but the usher sat her down and threatened her sufficiently after she gave my neighbor dad the hand. I hadn't seen that kind of display in person in a long time, so I just counted that as a bonus to the show!
We are officially Grave Digger fans, now, without a doubt. I would say we really "dig" Grave Digger(thus the catchy title of my blog). I can't claim much interest in Monster Trucks before the show, but the show won me over. I am also proud of my boys for being so well behaved. Believe it or not, James went to sleep in the loudest part of the show, but I am not complaining. I did have to carry him a mile back to the van in my arms, but I think most dads would agree that its nice to still have little ones that you can tote. This was definitely a top boys' night out memory for us.
Next, the whole family goes to see the Globetrotters Wednesday night!
Since we were so early, we hit the local eating establishments. First, I treated the boys to Dunkin Donuts, their favorite! Then we moved on to McDonald's for a lunch-like treat. To give you an idea of how rough this McDonald's was, they had crime scene tape in the supply closet. There was a drug dealer distributing pills from a prescription bottle and I had to act like I didn't notice so as not to get stabbed. I did get noticed pretending not to notice, though, and the buyer started watching me. He stood up when I stood up and he followed us out. There was another dad in the McDonald's and I planned my exit with his just in case of such an event. As we all walked toward the arena, I prepared to hand my boys to the dad beside us and refresh my hand to hand skills on the streets of Baltimore. Luckily, the buyer decided to turn off. I mean, good gravy, we wanted to see Monster trucks, not a street fight!
The arena was still not open for Monster Jam, but they did have a boy scout event a couple of hours early that allowed the scouts and parents to meet all the drivers and see the trucks before the show. I managed to infiltrate behind a line of boy scouts and act like I was looking for my troop leader (who was holding the passes). When asked if I was with the Boy Scouts, I simply said, "Absolutely, all the way," and I was honest about not not having any passes, but the lady assumed one of my boys must be a scout and that our troop leader had our passes. We had a great time walking around with the scouts looking at the trucks and will continue to give Boy Scouts our full support in the future! I am also thankful that I got to refresh my infiltration skills and not my hand to hand skills, which is what I fear would have happened if we had been kicked back outside with the drug buyer from McDonald's.
The Monster Jam show was very well done. I enjoyed it immensely and the boys were just blown away. The trucks and bikes and motorcycles were all awesome performances. We spent our entire souvenir and snack allowance before the show, but the boys have gravedigger hats and banners and cotton candy to show for it.
There was a dad near me who was about to get into a fight with an obnoxious mom in front of us who kept blocking our view (no, it was not me- he was sitting by me), but the usher sat her down and threatened her sufficiently after she gave my neighbor dad the hand. I hadn't seen that kind of display in person in a long time, so I just counted that as a bonus to the show!
We are officially Grave Digger fans, now, without a doubt. I would say we really "dig" Grave Digger(thus the catchy title of my blog). I can't claim much interest in Monster Trucks before the show, but the show won me over. I am also proud of my boys for being so well behaved. Believe it or not, James went to sleep in the loudest part of the show, but I am not complaining. I did have to carry him a mile back to the van in my arms, but I think most dads would agree that its nice to still have little ones that you can tote. This was definitely a top boys' night out memory for us.
Next, the whole family goes to see the Globetrotters Wednesday night!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
How I Married the Prettiest Girl From my Hometown
It is a mystery to most who know my beautiful wife why she married me. Of course, that question assumes she had a choice. The real story is that I chose her and I won her the way Grant won the Civil War - determined persistence!
Since we are snowed in just prior to Valentine's Day and the Valentine's gift might be a little limited this year (a fried spam sandwich has not been ruled out, yet), I am going to write this romantic tale as a part of this year's Valentine's package .
One time at band camp (no, really), I saw this beautiful young girl with long, long legs coming right out of her armpits. She had the prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen and had big 80s hair like the band Poison (not that I was ever attracted to them). I looked at her for just a second, made some decisions, and started re-ordering my future.
Having planned the rest of my life in fifteen seconds, I told the guy next to me, my buddy Walker, that I was going to marry that girl. He asked which one and I pointed to Cammie, saying, "the one with legs coming straight out of her armpits." Walker looked at me uncomfortably and said, "that is my cousin's girlfriend!"
What would have been a setback for most people was a stroke of luck for me. I said to Walker, "Well, you better tell him." And Walker did. And in a couple of weeks, the cousin was all but a memory. There was a high speed chase and resulting juvenile probation that involved this character later, but he was on his way out.
Thus began a long courtship. Though many teachers and friends tried to discourage her from associating with me at all (God rest Mary Neal's soul for her lone voice of encouragement), I persisted as Cammie resisted and her resistance weakened year by year. What began as Cammie's attraction to the mullet I was rockin' in high school grew and grew, like kudzu in a forest.
There were a few dubious characters who tried to kill the kudzu and contest this courtship, but they were all ultimately unsuccessful. In spite of promises I made to her and threats I made to my competitors, Cammie did momentarily leave her senses to break up with me in 1991. As we broke up, I just explained to her that she was making the worst mistake of her life and that she would be back. This was theater on my part as I was really crushed and could barely function, but I got my message across. And no Tim Tebow, I didn't cry (in public) and I (barely) survived until Cammie regained her sanity.
Cammie did come back to me later that year. And as the talentless, over-matched, outclassed U.S. Grant won the Civil war with overwhelming numbers, I won her hand in marriage with overwhelming love. What did I promise Cammie to seal the deal? I promised her that we would have beautiful children, that she wouldn't have to work (irony - she is shoveling snow from the driveway as I write this), and that I would get better looking with age. We do have beautiful children, Cammie has been able to stay at home with our beautiful children, and she does believe I am getting better looking. I was counting on Cammie's eyesight weakening for this promise and she's not far from glasses, now. Please, nobody tell her the truth or I will have to re-grow my mullet to deliver on the better-looking promise.
Ours is a love story that has turned into a family sitcom. There is still plenty of romance between us, but it takes a little more effort to fuel a romance when you are shuttling children to Taekwondo, piano lessons, and little league. Even at the wheel of a minivan, I still think she is the prettiest girl I know and I love her more today than I did in 1987 when I first noticed her. I know she feels the same way as I heard her recently tell somebody that there is nobody she would rather hang out with, nobody she would rather grow old with, and often, nobody she would rather choke out! Now, that is true love!
I wanted to write this to proclaim my love for my wife, but there is another message here, too. I joked about how I won Cammie in spite of all my imperfections, but she didn't stay with me because of my flaws or even the giant stuffed animal I bought her for Valentine's Day in 1989. I won Cammie with sheer determination, but we have grown in our marriage because we both were completely dedicated. If we had simply been dedicated to each other, that would not have been enough. We are more happily married today because we have dedicated our marriage and family to Christ and grown in Him. No matter what stage your romantic relationship is in, if both of you recognize Christ as the most important person in the relationship, you will strengthen that relationship instantly.
With that, I hope everybody has a Happy and Blessed Valentine's Day! We will be here in the blizzard trying to stay warm - I might even turn the power out myself to encourage some closeness! That would be really romantic except that we will undoubtedly have five Benefields huddled together instead of two.
Since we are snowed in just prior to Valentine's Day and the Valentine's gift might be a little limited this year (a fried spam sandwich has not been ruled out, yet), I am going to write this romantic tale as a part of this year's Valentine's package .
One time at band camp (no, really), I saw this beautiful young girl with long, long legs coming right out of her armpits. She had the prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen and had big 80s hair like the band Poison (not that I was ever attracted to them). I looked at her for just a second, made some decisions, and started re-ordering my future.
Having planned the rest of my life in fifteen seconds, I told the guy next to me, my buddy Walker, that I was going to marry that girl. He asked which one and I pointed to Cammie, saying, "the one with legs coming straight out of her armpits." Walker looked at me uncomfortably and said, "that is my cousin's girlfriend!"
What would have been a setback for most people was a stroke of luck for me. I said to Walker, "Well, you better tell him." And Walker did. And in a couple of weeks, the cousin was all but a memory. There was a high speed chase and resulting juvenile probation that involved this character later, but he was on his way out.
Thus began a long courtship. Though many teachers and friends tried to discourage her from associating with me at all (God rest Mary Neal's soul for her lone voice of encouragement), I persisted as Cammie resisted and her resistance weakened year by year. What began as Cammie's attraction to the mullet I was rockin' in high school grew and grew, like kudzu in a forest.
There were a few dubious characters who tried to kill the kudzu and contest this courtship, but they were all ultimately unsuccessful. In spite of promises I made to her and threats I made to my competitors, Cammie did momentarily leave her senses to break up with me in 1991. As we broke up, I just explained to her that she was making the worst mistake of her life and that she would be back. This was theater on my part as I was really crushed and could barely function, but I got my message across. And no Tim Tebow, I didn't cry (in public) and I (barely) survived until Cammie regained her sanity.
Cammie did come back to me later that year. And as the talentless, over-matched, outclassed U.S. Grant won the Civil war with overwhelming numbers, I won her hand in marriage with overwhelming love. What did I promise Cammie to seal the deal? I promised her that we would have beautiful children, that she wouldn't have to work (irony - she is shoveling snow from the driveway as I write this), and that I would get better looking with age. We do have beautiful children, Cammie has been able to stay at home with our beautiful children, and she does believe I am getting better looking. I was counting on Cammie's eyesight weakening for this promise and she's not far from glasses, now. Please, nobody tell her the truth or I will have to re-grow my mullet to deliver on the better-looking promise.
Ours is a love story that has turned into a family sitcom. There is still plenty of romance between us, but it takes a little more effort to fuel a romance when you are shuttling children to Taekwondo, piano lessons, and little league. Even at the wheel of a minivan, I still think she is the prettiest girl I know and I love her more today than I did in 1987 when I first noticed her. I know she feels the same way as I heard her recently tell somebody that there is nobody she would rather hang out with, nobody she would rather grow old with, and often, nobody she would rather choke out! Now, that is true love!
I wanted to write this to proclaim my love for my wife, but there is another message here, too. I joked about how I won Cammie in spite of all my imperfections, but she didn't stay with me because of my flaws or even the giant stuffed animal I bought her for Valentine's Day in 1989. I won Cammie with sheer determination, but we have grown in our marriage because we both were completely dedicated. If we had simply been dedicated to each other, that would not have been enough. We are more happily married today because we have dedicated our marriage and family to Christ and grown in Him. No matter what stage your romantic relationship is in, if both of you recognize Christ as the most important person in the relationship, you will strengthen that relationship instantly.
With that, I hope everybody has a Happy and Blessed Valentine's Day! We will be here in the blizzard trying to stay warm - I might even turn the power out myself to encourage some closeness! That would be really romantic except that we will undoubtedly have five Benefields huddled together instead of two.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Blizzard Survival Tips
Let's not pretend that we are living like the Ingalls from the Little House on the Prairie Series. Our preparations for winters storms are a little different.
Let me share some survival tips for the modern family. Here are some things to stockpile that will help you survive.
1. Video Games! This will keep the kids (and maybe dad) occupied for days.
2. Movies! Eventually, the kids will get blisters from the video game joysticks or mom will shut down the video games. Have movies on hand and have a couple of Lifetime specials ready for mom.
3. Hot chocolate! This is good survival food and good for morale. It also will make mom happy and keeping her from getting cabin fever is the key to your survival.
4. Batteries! You must have batteries for your radios, phones, and computers because the power company will hose you!
5. Radios, phones, and computers. You need some way to be sure you are not the only family in your state snowed in.
6. Snuggies! If the power and heat do go out, you need to have one snuggie per family member, even if you are the only family in your state snowed in.
7. Snow shovel. You need a snow shovel so you can tunnel out in case you run out of anything on this list.
8. Generator. You don't need to buy or own a generator, you just need to know which neighbor owns one so you can crash with them when the powers out - tell them you will bring your video games, hot chocolate, and snuggies with you.
9. Your Bible! You may need to remind yourself that God is not going to destroy the world with a snow storm. I had to double check this during Snowmageddon of 2010.
10. Duck-tape! For anything I failed to consider, duck-tape should fix it.
Let me share some survival tips for the modern family. Here are some things to stockpile that will help you survive.
1. Video Games! This will keep the kids (and maybe dad) occupied for days.
2. Movies! Eventually, the kids will get blisters from the video game joysticks or mom will shut down the video games. Have movies on hand and have a couple of Lifetime specials ready for mom.
3. Hot chocolate! This is good survival food and good for morale. It also will make mom happy and keeping her from getting cabin fever is the key to your survival.
4. Batteries! You must have batteries for your radios, phones, and computers because the power company will hose you!
5. Radios, phones, and computers. You need some way to be sure you are not the only family in your state snowed in.
6. Snuggies! If the power and heat do go out, you need to have one snuggie per family member, even if you are the only family in your state snowed in.
7. Snow shovel. You need a snow shovel so you can tunnel out in case you run out of anything on this list.
8. Generator. You don't need to buy or own a generator, you just need to know which neighbor owns one so you can crash with them when the powers out - tell them you will bring your video games, hot chocolate, and snuggies with you.
9. Your Bible! You may need to remind yourself that God is not going to destroy the world with a snow storm. I had to double check this during Snowmageddon of 2010.
10. Duck-tape! For anything I failed to consider, duck-tape should fix it.
Monday, February 8, 2010
A WHO DAT, Who Dunnit!
I want to capture the wildest conspiracy theory I have ever heard before it goes viral. The SUPERBOWL was rigged! That is what they are saying in some corners.
How did this happen?
It appears some believe that Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Brett Favre, and Tracy Porter was key players. You have to connect some dots.
Tracy Porter grew up in Louisiana, but went to Indiana University, where he met Peyton Manning just prior to Katrina.
Manning carried the Colts to the playoffs in 1999. Drew Brees, who also went to college in Indiana, was in the stands for that playoff game.
Manning and Favre grew up as Saints fans. They both threw game winning interceptions to Tracy Porter, who Brett allegedly met while he was retired.
Drew Brees called Brett Favre when he was retired and asked him to come back because "we can't do it without you."
Drew Brees had his Superbowl Ring before the game, 04 February, according to ESPN.
Brett made a mysterious proclamation that he was a lifelong Saints fan the week prior to the NFC Championship game - was this the signal that the fix was still on?
So, it appears the Saints had two key QBs on board for their championship run. Another interesting note is that Drew Brees son looks amazingly like Peyton Manning!
Another rumor is that the Saints are re-locating to Haiti after this season.
It is also unsubstantiated that the book of Revelations specifically mentions the Saints winning the Superbowl as a sign of the End Times.
Now, this is so clear that I don't have to spell it all out. Can you believe the Saints won the Superbowl? Isn't this crazy conspiracy easier to believe.
How did this happen?
It appears some believe that Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Brett Favre, and Tracy Porter was key players. You have to connect some dots.
Tracy Porter grew up in Louisiana, but went to Indiana University, where he met Peyton Manning just prior to Katrina.
Manning carried the Colts to the playoffs in 1999. Drew Brees, who also went to college in Indiana, was in the stands for that playoff game.
Manning and Favre grew up as Saints fans. They both threw game winning interceptions to Tracy Porter, who Brett allegedly met while he was retired.
Drew Brees called Brett Favre when he was retired and asked him to come back because "we can't do it without you."
Drew Brees had his Superbowl Ring before the game, 04 February, according to ESPN.
Brett made a mysterious proclamation that he was a lifelong Saints fan the week prior to the NFC Championship game - was this the signal that the fix was still on?
So, it appears the Saints had two key QBs on board for their championship run. Another interesting note is that Drew Brees son looks amazingly like Peyton Manning!
Another rumor is that the Saints are re-locating to Haiti after this season.
It is also unsubstantiated that the book of Revelations specifically mentions the Saints winning the Superbowl as a sign of the End Times.
Now, this is so clear that I don't have to spell it all out. Can you believe the Saints won the Superbowl? Isn't this crazy conspiracy easier to believe.
Prayer-a-troopers (as I presented it at Leesville United Methodist in 2001)
Background
•God has given me a special talent for making people want to fight. I want you to leave here ready to fight - not to beat me up, but to fight the spiritual battle Christians are currently engaged in.
•I also want to share a model for our fight with you
The OPFOR.
•I served four years with the 509th Parachute Infantry Battalion.
•They serve as the Joint Readiness Training Center Opposing Force, also known as the Red Force
•Every Month, they deploy to the imaginary island of Aragon, where they fight against a brigade from the US Army, the Blue Force, that “invades” their home country of Cortina.
•The Geronimos, the soldiers of the RED FORCE, are all PARATROOPERS , elite soldiers who have volunteered for the hazardous duty of parachuting into enemy held territory to take key terrain and defeat key enemy units.
•Paratroopers are typically tougher, faster, stronger, more motivated, and more lethal than other soldiers.
•The Red Force Geronimos live up to that reputation. They love to fight the Blue Force and have absolutely no fear of the Blue Force.
•The Red Force are usually outnumbered ten to one, face a technologically superior enemy, and are encumbered with several other unique constraints, but they use their tenets of Field Craft, Decentralized Operations, Marksmanship, and Battle Drills to achieve decisive victories every month.
•Each Red Force soldier knows his commander’s intent and is able to achieve that without any additional information.
•They are a highly motivated force that does not tolerate soldiers who are not. They are, in my opinion, the Army’s best.
The BLUFOR.
•There is a different brigade every month that fight against the Red Force as the Blue force.
•The Blue Force hates coming to JRTC and facing the Red Force.
•They know what is going to happen – they are doomed to be miserable and unsuccessful.
•The only time they achieve any victory is when the Red Force allows them to.
•The Blufor have some problems with their motivation.
The Difference.
•All of the soldiers from the Blue Force and the Red Force are from the same Army, but there is a tremendous difference between the two.
•The Red Force are confident they can achieve victory if they have one surviving soldier on the battlefield – as long as that soldier can still communicate with his higher headquarters.
•Observers and Blue Force alike constantly remark on the Red Force’s tendency to march to the guns and kill their enemy.
•If they hear a comrade under fire, they rush to his aid and overwhelm their foe.
•They depend on this to achieve victory because they are outnumbered.
•The Blue Force, generally measures success by simply surviving the exercise - failing to realize that their best chance to survive is to defeat the Red Force.
Our War.
Fellow Christians, we are at war and have been long before September 11. Here is an update.
Enemy Situation.
•The enemy has invaded the traditional Christian stronghold of America and is waging an all out assault. His agents are using direct action and subversion to fight this war.
•The enemy knows our every move, and will not be surprised.
•He is capable of anything if left unchallenged.
•From some captured documents, here is the enemy course of action in his own words -
I want to gain control of the most powerful nation in the world and delude the people’s minds into thinking that their prosperity came from man's effort, instead of divine blessing;
I will subvert the churches first beginning with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: "Do as you please."
To the youth I would whisper, "The Bible is a myth."
I will dull the minds of Christians, and make them believe that prayer is not important, and that faithfulness and obedience are optional.
I will attack the traditional family and make divorce acceptable, easy, and even fashionable.
I will promote an attitude of loving things and using people, instead of the other way around.
I will persuade people that God is irrelevant and out of date, and that morals are for the naïve.
I would convince them that man made God instead of the other way around and convince people that government can take the place of the church.
I will teach all to look to government instead of God for answers.
I will dupe entire states into relying on gambling for their state revenue.
I will convince people that character is not an issue when it comes to leadership.
And then I will organize; I will come up with drugs that sedate the mind and target the young, and I will get sports heroes to advertise them.
I will peddle narcotics to whom I can; sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction; I will tranquilize the rest with pills.
I will have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn is consumed.
With promises of higher ratings I will have media fanning the flames.
I will take God and His ethics out of the schools, where even the mention of them is grounds for a lawsuit.
I will encourage schools to refine young intellects but neglect to discipline emotions: let those run wild. Within a decade prisons will be overflowing.
I'd designate an atheist to front for me before the highest courts and I'd get the preachers to say, "She's right." Thus, I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, and then from the Houses of Congress.
And in His own churches I will substitute psychology for religion and deify science.
I will make the symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.
I will take from those who have earned and give it to those who want it, until I kill the incentive of the ambitious.
I will warn against extremes: in hard work, in patriotism, and in moral conduct. (I remember that this country, this Christian stronghold, was founded by extremists, who risked everything to secure freedom for future generations.)
I will make it socially acceptable to take one's own life, and invent machines to make it convenient.
I will cheapen human life as much as possible so that the life of animals are valued more that human beings.
I will get control of the media, so that every night I can numb the minds of millions. People will read my words in newspapers every day but hardly ever read God’s word in the Bible.
I will compel people to express their most depraved fantasies on canvas and movie screens, and I will call it art.
I will convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few of my agents calling themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as "politically correct,” just as I did in Nazi Germany where the term was “socially correct”.
Friendly Situation.
•There are a lot of friendly forces that refuse to continue the fight or are no longer capable of continuing.
Towns and states that choose to display the Ten Commandments are being hauled to court.
The Boy Scouts are under assault because their traditional view of moral conduct is not “tolerant” enough for the politically correct.
Those who choose to display our national motto of, “In God We Trust” are being threatened by those who twist the words of our Constitution.
Christians are being denied the right to pray at school, at football games, at graduation ceremonies, or on public property. We are losing Christian strongholds across the country.
The situation is critical - it is time to march to the sound of the guns.
•Technically, Christians are outnumbered, but as Ovid said, “We two form a multitude.” Ovid did not know Jesus, so he did not know the full truth of that statement.
•Some Christians are still scared to join the fight, but God tells us in the Bible 365 times, one time for each day of the year, Do not be afraid.
•Higher Headquarters has directed First United Methodist Church of Leesville recommit to this fight immediately.
Mission
Defeat the enemy on the spiritual front and maintain the United States of America as a Christian stronghold.
Concept
We are called to form our own Red Force
Red for the Red Royal Blood of Jesus
•During a tactical airborne operation, paratroopers fill a C130 airplane as they prepare to go into battle
•This morning, our church is the C-130 – a “JC-130” and all of you who are willing to perform hazardous duty are “prayer – a – troopers” for Jesus Christ
•The Red Force is outnumbered, so at every opportunity we must train our force to use our primary Field Manual and like the JRTC Red Force use our tenets to achieve victory –
-Field Craft – how to survive in the world without becoming worldly
-Decentralized Operations – so you know what to do when you are the only Prayer-a-trooper in your area of operations
-Marksmanship –witness effectively and bring others onto the team
-Battle Drills – learn what the Devil is trying to do and how you can maneuver to defeat him.
-We must have our mission essential equipment
-Instead of a parachute, we will have faith
-Instead of a physical weapon, God has armed us with his strength.
-Just like an actual tactical mission, we have troopers of all different experience on board this aircraft this morning.
--Novice troopers who are new in their faith and maybe a little nervous about what this duty requires of them
--Senior rated troopers who have done this before and know how to prepare themselves for a successful mission.
--There are a few master rated prayer a troopers who have been on many missions before, they’ve seen it all, and know exactly how to use their equipment to defeat the evil one.
-The Army has paratroopers wear badges that identify what level of expertise we possess.
-Jesus does not have us wear badges, but he expects us to carry ourselves in a way that others can tell that we are advanced Prayer-a-troopers.
-Senior and master rated troopers are responsible to look out for the novice troopers. Make sure they are ready for the mission.
-During any airborne operation, there is an airborne commander and a jumpmaster team who are responsible for ensuring that all jumpers leave the aircraft safely and ready to accomplish their mission.
-That team is composed of one primary jumpmaster, sometimes an assistant jumpmaster, and at least one safety.
-Jesus is the Prayer-borne commander.
-This morning I am your primary jumpmaster
-Church Leaders, you will be the safeties.
-During an actual mission, any jumper who needs assistance waves his hand in the air to get the safety’s attention. The same rule applies today.
-I have been talking with the Airborne Commander – the mission is a go
•There are seven jump commands. Take all of your jump commands from the primary jumpmaster.
•Your first jump command
-GET READY –
--During a tactical operation, troopers free themselves of their seat belts when given this command.
--Today, we all need to free ourselves of anything that may restrain us in service to Jesus.
-STAND UP
--Paratroopers are free of their restraints at this point. They stand up and prepare to follow their leaders out of the aircraft. It is at this point troopers get their blood pumping for the mission.
--We as Prayer-a-troopers need to be bold and stand up for Jesus. We need to follow our Christian Leaders. Let us show the same kind of courage spiritually that many of our fellow Americans have already shown physically in the course of our conflict with the Evil one.
--If a trooper won’t stand up, obviously he will not accomplish his mission - he is a jump refusal and is of no value to the cause.
-HOOK UP
--Upon this command, PARA-troopers secure themselves to the “anchor-line” cable by their static lines – this is what deploys their main parachute and delivers them to the field of battle.
--We need to secure ourselves in our faith so that we are ready to leave this church – our JC-130 – safely and ready to do battle. We can secure ourselves in the knowledge that Jesus died for us and is ready for us to join his red force.
--John 3:16: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
--That is a pretty firm anchor.
-CHECK STATIC LINES
--Upon this command, each PARA-trooper traces his static line from point of attachment all the way to their parachute and they assume a tight grip of the static line
--Then every jumper checks the jumper in front of him
--Then the safeties check every jumper the same way and hook up any jumper who did not initially hook up correctly –every jumper is checked three times. This is necessary because the cost of improper hook up is extremely high.
--Before you leave our JC-130 today, ensure that you are secure in your faith - the price of not being secure in your faith is even higher.
--Troopers, if you know that one of your fellow Prayer-a-troopers is not secure, let him know before he exits and help him hook up properly.
--Safeties, Church Leaders, check these troopers and ensure they are ready to leave the aircraft.
--CHECK EQUIPMENT
--At this command, each paratrooper checks his rig to ensure that each piece of equipment he needs to accomplish his mission is secured to him for a safe ride to the ground and will be available to him when he hits the ground.
--Each trooper is responsible for this check individually.
--Fellow Christians, are you leaving this JC-130 today with all the equipment you need to accomplish the mission Jesus has for you. This is your responsibility – perform the check.
--SOUND OFF FOR EQUIPMENT CHECK
--At this point, all of the PARA – troopers acknowledge that they are ready to exit. In a C-130, the last jumper would initiate the response by slapping the jumper in front of him on the fourth point of contact and sounding off with a thunderous “OK!”
--When the first jumper receives the tap, he looks his jumpmaster in the eye and says, “All OK, JUMPMASTER!”
--On the JC-130, if you are ready to exit and start doing battle, just say AMEN!
-GO
--When the green jump light turns on, PARA-troopers receive the last jump command, “GO.”
--At this point, all checks are complete and the troopers are leaving, ready or not. Staying on board the aircraft is not an option.
--As they exit the aircraft, the world outside greets them with a tremendous amount of turbulence. The most dangerous part of most airborne operations is when a jumper first exits the aircraft.
--As you leave the quiet confines of our JC-130 today, you will encounter turbulence. If things start to go wrong, fall back on your training as a “Prayer-a-trooper” to see you through.
--Mark 16:15
-Jesus said to his eleven disciples, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.”- He had only eleven, because, Judas had already been a jump refusal.
Coordinating Instructions
•The most important part of your mission begins when you leave this aircraft.
•If you see fellow troopers on the drop zone, give them encouragement. RO 1:11 I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong-- 12 that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.
•If you are injured on the drop zone and unable to continue, there will be no medics, but if you call on Jesus, he can restore you to duty instantly.
•Maintain constant communications with higher.
•Report back here for sustained, Prayer-a-trooper training, at least once a week.
•As you leave the aircraft today, make eye to eye contact with the safety, Brother Chris, when you leave the door.
Scripture
Psalms 18
32: It is God Who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
33: He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
34: He trains my hands for battle: my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35: You give me your shield of victory and your right hand sustains me:
36: you broaden the path beneath me; so that my ankles do not turn.
37: I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38: I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet.
39: You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
40: You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes.
41: They cried for help, but there was no one to save them - to the Lord, but he did not answer.
42: I beat them as fine dust borne on the wind; I poured them out like mud in the streets.
Ephesians 6
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
2 Timothy
1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
•God has given me a special talent for making people want to fight. I want you to leave here ready to fight - not to beat me up, but to fight the spiritual battle Christians are currently engaged in.
•I also want to share a model for our fight with you
The OPFOR.
•I served four years with the 509th Parachute Infantry Battalion.
•They serve as the Joint Readiness Training Center Opposing Force, also known as the Red Force
•Every Month, they deploy to the imaginary island of Aragon, where they fight against a brigade from the US Army, the Blue Force, that “invades” their home country of Cortina.
•The Geronimos, the soldiers of the RED FORCE, are all PARATROOPERS , elite soldiers who have volunteered for the hazardous duty of parachuting into enemy held territory to take key terrain and defeat key enemy units.
•Paratroopers are typically tougher, faster, stronger, more motivated, and more lethal than other soldiers.
•The Red Force Geronimos live up to that reputation. They love to fight the Blue Force and have absolutely no fear of the Blue Force.
•The Red Force are usually outnumbered ten to one, face a technologically superior enemy, and are encumbered with several other unique constraints, but they use their tenets of Field Craft, Decentralized Operations, Marksmanship, and Battle Drills to achieve decisive victories every month.
•Each Red Force soldier knows his commander’s intent and is able to achieve that without any additional information.
•They are a highly motivated force that does not tolerate soldiers who are not. They are, in my opinion, the Army’s best.
The BLUFOR.
•There is a different brigade every month that fight against the Red Force as the Blue force.
•The Blue Force hates coming to JRTC and facing the Red Force.
•They know what is going to happen – they are doomed to be miserable and unsuccessful.
•The only time they achieve any victory is when the Red Force allows them to.
•The Blufor have some problems with their motivation.
The Difference.
•All of the soldiers from the Blue Force and the Red Force are from the same Army, but there is a tremendous difference between the two.
•The Red Force are confident they can achieve victory if they have one surviving soldier on the battlefield – as long as that soldier can still communicate with his higher headquarters.
•Observers and Blue Force alike constantly remark on the Red Force’s tendency to march to the guns and kill their enemy.
•If they hear a comrade under fire, they rush to his aid and overwhelm their foe.
•They depend on this to achieve victory because they are outnumbered.
•The Blue Force, generally measures success by simply surviving the exercise - failing to realize that their best chance to survive is to defeat the Red Force.
Our War.
Fellow Christians, we are at war and have been long before September 11. Here is an update.
Enemy Situation.
•The enemy has invaded the traditional Christian stronghold of America and is waging an all out assault. His agents are using direct action and subversion to fight this war.
•The enemy knows our every move, and will not be surprised.
•He is capable of anything if left unchallenged.
•From some captured documents, here is the enemy course of action in his own words -
I want to gain control of the most powerful nation in the world and delude the people’s minds into thinking that their prosperity came from man's effort, instead of divine blessing;
I will subvert the churches first beginning with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: "Do as you please."
To the youth I would whisper, "The Bible is a myth."
I will dull the minds of Christians, and make them believe that prayer is not important, and that faithfulness and obedience are optional.
I will attack the traditional family and make divorce acceptable, easy, and even fashionable.
I will promote an attitude of loving things and using people, instead of the other way around.
I will persuade people that God is irrelevant and out of date, and that morals are for the naïve.
I would convince them that man made God instead of the other way around and convince people that government can take the place of the church.
I will teach all to look to government instead of God for answers.
I will dupe entire states into relying on gambling for their state revenue.
I will convince people that character is not an issue when it comes to leadership.
And then I will organize; I will come up with drugs that sedate the mind and target the young, and I will get sports heroes to advertise them.
I will peddle narcotics to whom I can; sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction; I will tranquilize the rest with pills.
I will have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn is consumed.
With promises of higher ratings I will have media fanning the flames.
I will take God and His ethics out of the schools, where even the mention of them is grounds for a lawsuit.
I will encourage schools to refine young intellects but neglect to discipline emotions: let those run wild. Within a decade prisons will be overflowing.
I'd designate an atheist to front for me before the highest courts and I'd get the preachers to say, "She's right." Thus, I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, and then from the Houses of Congress.
And in His own churches I will substitute psychology for religion and deify science.
I will make the symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.
I will take from those who have earned and give it to those who want it, until I kill the incentive of the ambitious.
I will warn against extremes: in hard work, in patriotism, and in moral conduct. (I remember that this country, this Christian stronghold, was founded by extremists, who risked everything to secure freedom for future generations.)
I will make it socially acceptable to take one's own life, and invent machines to make it convenient.
I will cheapen human life as much as possible so that the life of animals are valued more that human beings.
I will get control of the media, so that every night I can numb the minds of millions. People will read my words in newspapers every day but hardly ever read God’s word in the Bible.
I will compel people to express their most depraved fantasies on canvas and movie screens, and I will call it art.
I will convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few of my agents calling themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as "politically correct,” just as I did in Nazi Germany where the term was “socially correct”.
Friendly Situation.
•There are a lot of friendly forces that refuse to continue the fight or are no longer capable of continuing.
Towns and states that choose to display the Ten Commandments are being hauled to court.
The Boy Scouts are under assault because their traditional view of moral conduct is not “tolerant” enough for the politically correct.
Those who choose to display our national motto of, “In God We Trust” are being threatened by those who twist the words of our Constitution.
Christians are being denied the right to pray at school, at football games, at graduation ceremonies, or on public property. We are losing Christian strongholds across the country.
The situation is critical - it is time to march to the sound of the guns.
•Technically, Christians are outnumbered, but as Ovid said, “We two form a multitude.” Ovid did not know Jesus, so he did not know the full truth of that statement.
•Some Christians are still scared to join the fight, but God tells us in the Bible 365 times, one time for each day of the year, Do not be afraid.
•Higher Headquarters has directed First United Methodist Church of Leesville recommit to this fight immediately.
Mission
Defeat the enemy on the spiritual front and maintain the United States of America as a Christian stronghold.
Concept
We are called to form our own Red Force
Red for the Red Royal Blood of Jesus
•During a tactical airborne operation, paratroopers fill a C130 airplane as they prepare to go into battle
•This morning, our church is the C-130 – a “JC-130” and all of you who are willing to perform hazardous duty are “prayer – a – troopers” for Jesus Christ
•The Red Force is outnumbered, so at every opportunity we must train our force to use our primary Field Manual and like the JRTC Red Force use our tenets to achieve victory –
-Field Craft – how to survive in the world without becoming worldly
-Decentralized Operations – so you know what to do when you are the only Prayer-a-trooper in your area of operations
-Marksmanship –witness effectively and bring others onto the team
-Battle Drills – learn what the Devil is trying to do and how you can maneuver to defeat him.
-We must have our mission essential equipment
-Instead of a parachute, we will have faith
-Instead of a physical weapon, God has armed us with his strength.
-Just like an actual tactical mission, we have troopers of all different experience on board this aircraft this morning.
--Novice troopers who are new in their faith and maybe a little nervous about what this duty requires of them
--Senior rated troopers who have done this before and know how to prepare themselves for a successful mission.
--There are a few master rated prayer a troopers who have been on many missions before, they’ve seen it all, and know exactly how to use their equipment to defeat the evil one.
-The Army has paratroopers wear badges that identify what level of expertise we possess.
-Jesus does not have us wear badges, but he expects us to carry ourselves in a way that others can tell that we are advanced Prayer-a-troopers.
-Senior and master rated troopers are responsible to look out for the novice troopers. Make sure they are ready for the mission.
-During any airborne operation, there is an airborne commander and a jumpmaster team who are responsible for ensuring that all jumpers leave the aircraft safely and ready to accomplish their mission.
-That team is composed of one primary jumpmaster, sometimes an assistant jumpmaster, and at least one safety.
-Jesus is the Prayer-borne commander.
-This morning I am your primary jumpmaster
-Church Leaders, you will be the safeties.
-During an actual mission, any jumper who needs assistance waves his hand in the air to get the safety’s attention. The same rule applies today.
-I have been talking with the Airborne Commander – the mission is a go
•There are seven jump commands. Take all of your jump commands from the primary jumpmaster.
•Your first jump command
-GET READY –
--During a tactical operation, troopers free themselves of their seat belts when given this command.
--Today, we all need to free ourselves of anything that may restrain us in service to Jesus.
-STAND UP
--Paratroopers are free of their restraints at this point. They stand up and prepare to follow their leaders out of the aircraft. It is at this point troopers get their blood pumping for the mission.
--We as Prayer-a-troopers need to be bold and stand up for Jesus. We need to follow our Christian Leaders. Let us show the same kind of courage spiritually that many of our fellow Americans have already shown physically in the course of our conflict with the Evil one.
--If a trooper won’t stand up, obviously he will not accomplish his mission - he is a jump refusal and is of no value to the cause.
-HOOK UP
--Upon this command, PARA-troopers secure themselves to the “anchor-line” cable by their static lines – this is what deploys their main parachute and delivers them to the field of battle.
--We need to secure ourselves in our faith so that we are ready to leave this church – our JC-130 – safely and ready to do battle. We can secure ourselves in the knowledge that Jesus died for us and is ready for us to join his red force.
--John 3:16: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
--That is a pretty firm anchor.
-CHECK STATIC LINES
--Upon this command, each PARA-trooper traces his static line from point of attachment all the way to their parachute and they assume a tight grip of the static line
--Then every jumper checks the jumper in front of him
--Then the safeties check every jumper the same way and hook up any jumper who did not initially hook up correctly –every jumper is checked three times. This is necessary because the cost of improper hook up is extremely high.
--Before you leave our JC-130 today, ensure that you are secure in your faith - the price of not being secure in your faith is even higher.
--Troopers, if you know that one of your fellow Prayer-a-troopers is not secure, let him know before he exits and help him hook up properly.
--Safeties, Church Leaders, check these troopers and ensure they are ready to leave the aircraft.
--CHECK EQUIPMENT
--At this command, each paratrooper checks his rig to ensure that each piece of equipment he needs to accomplish his mission is secured to him for a safe ride to the ground and will be available to him when he hits the ground.
--Each trooper is responsible for this check individually.
--Fellow Christians, are you leaving this JC-130 today with all the equipment you need to accomplish the mission Jesus has for you. This is your responsibility – perform the check.
--SOUND OFF FOR EQUIPMENT CHECK
--At this point, all of the PARA – troopers acknowledge that they are ready to exit. In a C-130, the last jumper would initiate the response by slapping the jumper in front of him on the fourth point of contact and sounding off with a thunderous “OK!”
--When the first jumper receives the tap, he looks his jumpmaster in the eye and says, “All OK, JUMPMASTER!”
--On the JC-130, if you are ready to exit and start doing battle, just say AMEN!
-GO
--When the green jump light turns on, PARA-troopers receive the last jump command, “GO.”
--At this point, all checks are complete and the troopers are leaving, ready or not. Staying on board the aircraft is not an option.
--As they exit the aircraft, the world outside greets them with a tremendous amount of turbulence. The most dangerous part of most airborne operations is when a jumper first exits the aircraft.
--As you leave the quiet confines of our JC-130 today, you will encounter turbulence. If things start to go wrong, fall back on your training as a “Prayer-a-trooper” to see you through.
--Mark 16:15
-Jesus said to his eleven disciples, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.”- He had only eleven, because, Judas had already been a jump refusal.
Coordinating Instructions
•The most important part of your mission begins when you leave this aircraft.
•If you see fellow troopers on the drop zone, give them encouragement. RO 1:11 I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong-- 12 that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith.
•If you are injured on the drop zone and unable to continue, there will be no medics, but if you call on Jesus, he can restore you to duty instantly.
•Maintain constant communications with higher.
•Report back here for sustained, Prayer-a-trooper training, at least once a week.
•As you leave the aircraft today, make eye to eye contact with the safety, Brother Chris, when you leave the door.
Scripture
Psalms 18
32: It is God Who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
33: He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
34: He trains my hands for battle: my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35: You give me your shield of victory and your right hand sustains me:
36: you broaden the path beneath me; so that my ankles do not turn.
37: I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
38: I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet.
39: You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet.
40: You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes.
41: They cried for help, but there was no one to save them - to the Lord, but he did not answer.
42: I beat them as fine dust borne on the wind; I poured them out like mud in the streets.
Ephesians 6
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
2 Timothy
1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
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