Four Days of Fast and Furious Vacation

We are moving this summer, but we don't know when. The kids didn't get out of school until June 24th and they are likely to start back to school by August 17th.  I am in school until September. If you are confused about our situation, just be thankful that you are not us.
So, because of our crazy summer, we took a mini-vacation over the Forth of July Weekend.  Cammie and the kids drove down on Friday and we started our weekend.  We went to the PX and picked up a few supplies for the weekend and made our plan for the rest of the day.  While checking out at the PX, the lady working the register swore that I looked just like Kenny Chesney.  I had never heard that one before, so I checked it out and asked my kids. They said no way - I don't even own a cowboy hat.  I may look a little like the country singer/songwriter, Jason Benefield, but an older, clean shaven version.
Now supplied with all life's necessities, we hustled the kids to the beach at Damneck Military Reservation.  It was a great little spot just for military families.  The kids played until we were exhausted and then we planned our trek back to home base (at Norfolk).
We were hungry when we started the journey back, but were soaking wet.  Since we couldn't sit down in a respectable restaurant, we called a Domino's Pizza for pick up enroute.  Actually, Cammie called and the guy at the Domino's was very friendly and funny. I suspected he was trying to flirt, but Cammie did not participate. She said as she hung up, "Mr. Funnyman finally took my order."
When we stopped to pick up our pizza, I stayed with the kids in the Lucky van and Cammie went inside to pick up the pizza. A deliveryman came out with some fresh pies and asked us how we were doing and what our plans for Independence Day were. I told him we weren't sure, but we were staying on the Naval Reservation.  He said, "Oh, you are with Cammie!"  I was taken aback and then realized this was Mr. Funnyman.  He then began to rattle off all the events and local sites we should see for the 4th.  I suspected that he was trying to flirt, but I would not participate.  Actually, he was just very friendly, but Mr. Funnyman was not his true identity. In his list of recommendations, he included the Virginia State Zoo in Norfolk.  I said we would likely go there and he said, "I do a couple of shows over there. I am a monkey."  We did not know what exactly that meant and after our visit, we still do not.  But, Mr. Funnyman is a real live monkey of some kind. 
For the next two days, our kids quoted the Pizza Monkey as a great authority on Independence Day events in Norfolk. Honestly, I have to admit that he was right on the money with every recommendation and every bit of 411.  Pretty good work for a pizza monkey.
So, the next day, the Benefield Five were all the zoo when the gates opened.  The kids had a great time and even I enjoyed Virginia's State Zoo. It was more scenic than most zoos and let us get eye to eye with everthing from Meerkats to Giraffes. As we ended our visit, we didn't have a complete consensus on whether we wanted to ride the train, so Cammie took James for a train ride while I took the big kids to the gift shop. Since James would pay $2 for his train ride, I authorized each big kid $2 for the gift shop. I thought we would be playing mission impossible to find something for $2, so I let them pool their money to share something for $4. Can you believe there was an entire rack of little stuffed animals for $1 and some for 50 cents?!  I am proud of my big kids because they bought themselves colored bean bag frogs (green and blue) and then asked if they could buy James an animal - all within budget!  They picked out the purple giraffe for James, which he instantly dubbed a "bergaffe", despite our efforts to identify it correctly as a giraffe. 
Now, the kids all loved their new stuffed animals, but Jay Allen had the bright idea of throwing his green frog on the roof of our guest quarters.  Cammie shot some video of me trying to rescue the frog and know when you see it that the vibration in the video is from Cammie's laughter. I almost had that little frogger free when he fell into the gutter. I ultimately failed to recover the frog and had to promise Jay Allen an FRU to get him to quit obsessing about getting somebody to recover the original frog.  By the way, FRU stands for Frog Replacement Unit - I will be re-visiting the Zoo gift shop this week.
After experimenting with a public beach in Norfolk Saturday evening, we headed back out to the military beach early Sunday morning.  The waves were "wicked" as the kids say. Actually, the waves were literally wicked.  It was great fun to get out in the surf, but after only a few minutes, Carlie got turned completely upside down and had so much sand in her hair that she looked more like a life size piece of beach art than a real person. Bless her heart, she waited until she got back to our little piece of the beach before she started crying, but she took quite a lick to the gut and the noggin.  She shook it off after an hour or so, but that set the tone for the rest of the day.
Jay Allen took heed and stayed in water no deeper than his knees. James had a life vest and a kick board and was a little more brave than his wise brother. James did temper his bravery by staying with me in the deep water, but eventually, a wave came in that turned me upside down, too. I kept James above the surface, but his Nemo kickboard got away. So, when I came up out of the water, all I heard was James screaming, "NEMO!" and pointing toward his wayward kickboard.  I turned around to recover it when a second wave hit me in the face so hard that I lost my NRA hat and my favorite sunglasses.  Jay Allen reocovered my NRA hat as it violently washed into the ankle deep water with the wave, but my glasses were gone forever, Poseidon only knows where.
While I was engaged in hand to hand with the Atlantic Ocean, behind me, James was getting pile drived by the wave that claimed my glasses. I turned around in time to see Cammie rushing into the water to grab James's two legs. His two legs were sticking straight up in the air!  We pulled him out of the water and saw that he had Carlie's sand sculpture hair do.  He was disoriented for a minute, swore (with nice words) he was never going back in the ocean and then declared the whole experience, "AWESOME!"
After the beach, we went to Fort Monroe for their independence celebration. The local country music stations sponsored the event and they had Emily West and Jimmy Wayne as the featured artists.  If you are having a hard time explaining all the facts of life to your young children, take them to an open air country music concert and catch up. We learned almost all the dirty words (luckily James did not know these when the wave capsized him), almost every kind of sin, and every sad occasion of life. By the time we life, the kids knew stories about breaking every one of the ten command.ments! That was our payback for skipping Sunday School on the 4th of July.  
The first artist, Emily West is a very talented musician, but a bit confused on the difference in a Honky Tonk crowd and a family oriented event at a military installation. She will figure it out, but by the time she does, somebody will teach her kids dirty words and trashy country music songs. 
Jimmy Wayne, on the other hand, is a class act with an inspiring story. He closed his set with, "I Love You This Much." Of course, our kids were either asleep or looking for fireworks by the time he did that song, but it was very moving for Cammie and me.  Look up Jimmy Wayne, his story, and his music. He has a powerful testimony.

After the concert and the truly awesome fireworks display, I had to carry our stunt surfer, James, back to the van and drive all my sleepy people back to the Naval Base after a long day. You would think that we would rest the next day, but noooo.  We were off to Busch Gardens.
My kids went wide open all day at Busch Gardens and rode almost every possi ble ride. If you have never been, go see the Pet Shenanigans. It is a show put on by animals rescued from local shelters and it is hilarious.  The animals and trainers do a great job and our kids absolutely loved it.  Busch Garden also has two bald eagles and several other unique attractions that make it a great family event. You are not Dad of the year if you don't ride the Super Grover roller coaster more than four times, so mail me my award now and save time.
Actually, Dad was pretty grumpy and tired by the end of the day, but the kids were pretty well behaved.  They were all sound asleep on the way home and I suspected they would sleep on the way to Alabama the next day, but Cammie said they did not. They actually behaved so badly for Cammie that they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will never leave them on the side of the road for bad behavior. If she would do such a thing, it would have happened today.  So, the grandparents and aunts and uncles in Alabama are going to get a chance to love some rotten little people who are more tired than they have ever been.
Even rotten, I miss those little monkeys and wish we could stock up on energy drinks and do the whole thing again this weekend. I pray all your family vacations are just as frenetic, but you might want to stretch them over a couple of weeks instead of a long weekend.

Some Notes from Vacation

Parents, spank your children now because you can't spank them when they are adults no matter how much they need it. This observation comes from observing adults, not my children.
If Christians behaved like Alabama fans, we'd evangelize the whole world in one football season. A fellow fan ran up to me in Trader Joe's and we went over the whole plan for the next National Championship player by player and game by game. I rarely get this from fellow Christians. Of course, I have to ask if its easier to see that I love Alabama than it is to see that I love Jesus. I hope not.
If you want to know the stuff life is made of, look in your couch. We uncovered four years of popcorn, pacifiers, chex mix, hot wheels cars, go fish cards, and spare change as we rearranged the other day. The couch rattled like a toy chest when we moved it and we had to almost completely disassemble it, but there was quite the treasure hidden inside. I also learned that a staple can enter the meaty part of your palm (around your thumb) and go almost to your elbow before you realize that it is in there. I felt like I was doing a magic trick as I pulled it out and had to pull hand over hand for several minutes before it was free. Cammie showed her standard display of compassion for my injuries and laughed her rear end off.
I should also point out that I had to pull over twice on the drive back from vacation to whip and threaten my children into good behavior. They were so much better on the way to vacation, minus one accidental assault on their dad. I guess using, "I'll turn this van around and go home," as a threat on the way to Alabama was a bad call because I had nothing to threaten them with on the way back. By this point, they know I won't really choke them out (with their mother watching), so the little people have the upper hand. On the way to Alabama, the only significant event was when Carlie and Jay Allen were playing with his Taekwondo belt and let loose of it in a manner that caused it to snap like a leather whip right on my neck - while I was driving! I used all my best threats, but Cammie didn't help much because she was holding her ears and laughing.
Other notes, we learned that James will ask adults to leave the room before he misbehaves. That really helps in monitoring his behavior. If you refuse to leave the room, he will ask you to close your eyes.
The Lazy Donkey is still the best Mexican restaurant in the world!
I left my Tar Heel hat and my NRA hat somewhere on our vacation - not sure where.
Somebody stole my GPS, cellphone, and shades - and possibly Jay Allen's Leapster out of our van while we were unpacking.
My computer had crashed while we were gone, which is strange because we left it turned off the whole time.
I already rendered a report on Carlie's Baptism - it was great and so was the entire vacation, but we were away from home a long time and there's no place like home.
Hope you all have a great summer and enjoyed my potpourri of vacation notes!

The Benefield Camping Expedition

I promised my boys a camping trip while we were on leave, so AJ and his kids were able to join us. It is the only time I remember having beans, wieners, and Yoo-hoos for dinner, so you know it was a good time.
Originally, the blueprint for this trip was for all the boys to go camping, build a fire, eat beans, and toot. AJ decided to bring the girls, so that civilized the whole expedition just a little bit, but it was still an adventure. With all of our children, the adult to child ratio was 2-5. When both adults are dads, that ratio is perilously close to disaster, but we did survive.
I made the kids some fishing poles out of bamboo cane, thinking that would be safer since no casting was required. It only took about five minutes for Carlie to hook Jay Allen in the shoulder, so that theory was not as solid as I thought. I had to take a tactical pause and give the entire camping party a safety brief on the use of the cane poles. Happily, nobody else was hooked during the trip, not even a fish.
The next near disaster involved Jay Allen dropping the tailgate on Carlie. I know many of you are thinking, "PAYBACK", but it was clear that he did not mean to hurt his sister and was more scared than she was about the injury. By Benefield family standards, it was a minor injury - no blood, no broken bones, no emergency room necessary. It paled in comparison to James taking a header off the Braggs's top floor and breaking their steps.
After a feast of beans and franks and Yoo-hoos, I convinced all of the children to fish with me. This lasted for a few minutes and then the big kids wanted to go roast marshmallows. James had no interest in marshmallows and kept on fishing for a good while. When he finally returned to the fire, he realized his mother was not there and wanted to go home. So, we took him home and camped on with the big kids.
The kids all settled down and slept quietly that night, though Jay Allen and I regretted that we left the tarp that my dad laid out for us. We slept under an Army poncho liner and it left us just a little chilly when we woke up. AJ had faithfully kept the fire going through the night, though I suspect that had a lot to do with the fact that his dog, Hoss, kept licking his feet when he tried to sleep.
My kids woke up wanting to fish and go paddle boating, so that is what we did, in that order. The paddle boat worked pretty well, and we even docked for blackberry picking on the far side of the pond. Yoo-hoos and blackberries for breakfast are number one!
Well, two minor injuries and two of three kids making it all night is a success for a first camping trip. AJ left just before we did, but technically, I think his camping trip lasted longer, at least for Aaron. When we both got back to my parents' house, Aaron was still asleep on AJ's truck. I don't know when Aaron finally woke up, but I did see him a couple of days later

A Dad's best Day

While I was deployed to Iraq, my young children changed a great deal and did a tremendous amount of growing. Of my three awesome kids, my daughter, Carlie, experienced the most significant change and growth. More significant than her baby brother, James's successful potty training and more significant than Jay Allen's two advanced belts in Taekwondo, Carlie accepted Christ as her savior and became a Christ follower. Only those who have experienced this personally understand the significance. Only Christian parents can understand the emotion and righteous pride (through Christ) that a dad feels when his children enter into that relationship with Jesus.
Most of my days in Iraq were very similar and are a blur in my memory - months of my life that seem to have vanished. This past Easter stands out from all those days. It was the only day I was able to break free from my routine and attend the protestant services at the main chapel. It was an awesome service and I can remember being filled with a spirit of humility and thanksgiving for all that God had blessed me with. The music, the message, and the fellowship of my brothers in arms made me feel twenty feet tall, but that was just the beginning. As I left worship and returned to work, my euphoria continued. I hummed praise music in my head and had a much better attitude than I did before going to worship, and then, I got the news. Cammie sent me a note that Carlie had accepted Christ.
I emailed everybody in my address book to share the news. Though I am known to be a little over-enthusiastic, my enthusiasm surprised me and seemed completely appropriate all at the same time. It was my best day in Iraq and why not, God had sacrificed His Son to save my daughter and it happened all on the same day years apart.
Most new believers are baptized at their current place of worship. Because I have served in the Army for 20 years, we do not worship at a home church, but have worshiped with over a half dozen churches during that time. So, Carlie could have been baptized at our current church in Virginia, but Cammie and I recognized that as much as we love the people there, we are only a year away from another permanent change of station that will take us away from Southview. We have no roots there at all and wanted to have Carlie's grandfather baptize her in Alabama. Luckily, that is exactly what Carlie wanted, too.
Well, Carlie's baptism was my best day back in the states. My father pastors Chulafinnee Baptist church, which is near our hometown. It is also near our last duty station, Warner Robins, Georgia. The people of Chulafinnee Baptist are an amazing congregation of believers who could not have made us feel more at home. So, without a real claim to a hometown, my daughter was baptized in front of all of her grandparents, all of her aunts and uncles, and her cousins. We also were thrilled to have friends from Warner Robins, Todd and Nancy Howell, bring their daughter and Carlie's best friend from Georgia to the Baptism. Cammie and I were honored to have in attendance many of our friends from high school (Paula Barker Brooks and Sandra Roberts) and friends from our home church, Pine Grove (The Truetts) and friends from past military assignments (Margaret Kucia and Bob Poling) and friends from all of the above (April Truett Poling). A home church could not have done more than Chulafinnee did by welcoming all of us.
All of our friends, family, and fellow believers overwhelmed our family with the outpouring of affection and support for our daughter and her decision. As a church we had never attended hosted the biggest event our family had experienced together, it was a great reminder that we are truly citizens of Heaven and only visiting here for a little while. God's hand was involved in that day in ways large and small and some ways that we may never know. We are thankful for having such a day to reflect on our many blessings and for all who helped. We would especially like to thank Gail Barker for stepping in to help Carlie in and out of the Baptismal pool at a time when Carlie's baby brother, James, appeared to be on the verge of shutting down the entire service. Gail freed up Cammie to take charge of James and quell the rebellion that almost broke loose. Everything from that point on went perfectly.
I usually like to incorporate a lot of humor in my writings, even on serious subjects, but this time, I really don't have much humor to share. I will say that could have been different if AJ and Jennifer had managed to convince Carlie to do a cannonball into the water. If you wonder why an aunt and uncle would encourage such a thing, I have a confession to make. Though it totally slipped my mind this past Sunday, it seems that I might have offered a monetary reward to my nephew, Aaron, to cannonball into the water at his baptism. It seems that the negotiations by his parents to get him to fore go the cannonball were a lot more intense than I realized and the final decision whether to cannonball was in doubt until the very last second. So, now, AJ and Jennifer have two more opportunities to repay me for that little gesture as I await the day of decision for my two sons. Even if one or both decide to cannonball into their citizenship of Heaven, it will still be one of my best days!