It was Opening Day of Alabama's Football Season and I Went Fishing

Never before have I positioned myself to be without TV and radio on the first day of Alabama's football season, but never before had I spent that first day in Alaska! There were fish to catch and my buddy (and former XO), Jim Fitzgerald was in town and this was our first and last chance of the season to go fishing together. I know my football fan friends are still a little shocked, but know that Alabama helped me out by scheduling Kent State in the first game. I mean, if they can't handle Kent State easily, it is going to be a long painful season (you Auburn fans know what I am talking about - you should have gone fishing, too). 
Fishing trips start at the butt crack of dawn and this one was no different. Carlie and I rode to the Homer spit with Jim, Mindy, and Hannah, and first stop was breakfast at the Boardwalk Bakery, where we also picked up our lunches for the trip. We had coffee, biscuits, paninies and a lot of talk about an over reaching corrupt federal government that is going to steal our fish.  Homer's entire economy is being threatened by federal regulation that will limit numbers of privately caught Halibut drastically while increasing the commercial limits.  It sounds a little like the raid on the guitar company that made the news - the government appears to be applying different rules to different people based on politics.
Since I was missing football, all that political talk got me fired up  - or maybe it was the three cups of coffee, but I was ready to go.  We headed from the bakery down to North Country Charters, whose office is right beside the Time Bandit offices. That was sort of cool, but if North Country called themselves "the Deadliest Charter," I was considering fishing from the shore - my daughter was going on this boat after all!
They did not call themselves that and in fact, we were in very good hands. Our Captain was Eric Lehm and we went out on the Storm Petrel.  Eric is a first generation American, whose parents are both German. I knew when he told us that bit of personal information that we were good to go. I am sure my buddy Ingo would see this as an answered prayer for our safety and for a good trip.
Eric took us down to the boat and gave us the safety brief. I paid close attention because those of you who follow my blog know that some kind of story always breaks out around me and I didn't want it to be one that resembled Gilligan's Island or I Shouldn't be Alive (Jay Allen's second favorite show behind Finding Bigfoot). After laying my hands on the inflatable life raft, I was more confident and ready to get going.
We started out of the harbor and stopped before we had even gone a football field away.  Just to show off, Eric caught our bait for the day.  He handed out poles and we all pulled in a couple of Alaska wall-eyed pollock (fish sticks).  We literally pulled these in as fast as we could cast. I see the pictures you people from the lower 48 post and I know we pulled in more fish than most of you do in a full day before we even started really fishing. Us native Alaskans (yes, I am native - I bought a Subaru for goodness sake) fish at break-neck speed and need our huge coolers for fish, not beer! We fish a little differently up here and looking at those fish that I would have been proud of myself in my pre-Alaska days and realizing those were only bait, I got fired up yet again! This was going to be awesome!
We started our drive out to the fishing hole and saw a humpback whale showing out just as we left.  That is why I don't believe in wild life cruises. All those wild life like to eat fish and if you go after the fish, you will see the wild life. If you want to find the Southern people where ever you live, go to where they serve biscuits and gravy - same principle.
To further make my point, we saw dozens of Sea Lions also. They were laid up sorry and making quite a ruckus, but they were all fat of fish. And not to be left out, we saw seals, puffins, otters and eagles, all sharing in the great bounty of nature that God provided.
The drive out to the first fishing hole was pretty long. We were all pretty entertained just exchanging stories and catching up. In addition to the five Fitzgeralds and Benefields, another fisher person named Judy came with us.  At the point where we were completely caught up with the eleven years since we were last neighbors with the Fitzgeralds and knew Judy and Eric's complete life history, I was beginning to have visions of Chevy Chase at the Grand Canyon.   I know people make fun of Sarah Palin for saying she could see Russia, but we drove for such a long time that people would have made fun of us for saying we could see Alaska! We were out there!
It was time for us to stop cruising the Russian shore and share in the bounty with all the other wildlife, so we got to fishing.  Captain Eric told us we would go for the big Halibut first. It went just as he said, the first two fish we caught were the biggest.  Jim caught the first and biggest of the day, but my competitive nature requires me to point out that we let Jim have the first fish because this is his last chance to fish this year.  If we were going to catch only one fish, we wanted Jim to catch it. Next time, though, I will crawl over his back to get that big one! And Carlie will crawl over my back - it gets pretty competitive out there!.
We (Jim and Mindy) caught a couple of really big fish at the first site, but things eventually started to slow down. We pulled up a huge Starfish that was an absolute marvel of nature, but as it neared the surface, it realized there had been a misunderstanding and it released our bait and went back into the ocean.  As the fishing slowed down, Eric told us some stories of the sea. The otter floating by our boat reminded him of one story that he had witnessed just the night before. There was another otter floating around doing his thing, when BAM! A killer whale came up and ate him.  That would have been quite a show, but I had just watched Soul Surfer and I didn't want to be part of any story that included, "BAM! The big sea animal ate him!"
So, not wanting to leave with only two fish and a few stories, we cranked up and left the first site and motored out to a fishing hole that was really hopping. We all ate lunch while Eric took us to the new site and that was good, because we were going to need all that energy.
As soon as Eric killed the engine, we started bringing in Halibut. Every Halibut you reel in from the bottom of the ocean feels like Moby Dick! And the later in the day it gets, the bigger you expect each fish to be when you get them to the top.  We went from two fish to our limit in about an hour and a half. We were all pulling in Halibut and started to be selective about the size of fish we kept. Back to my previous fish story, fishing in Alaska is really like NASCAR, but fishing in Alaska doesn't get rained out (at least not in Homer).
I have to praise some of the catcher people on our boat. Mindy Fitzgerald brought up some really big fish and despite sound effects that might be better suited to women's tennis, she is an awesome catcher person. Carlie and Hannah also did a great job of bringing in their fish. Hannah had one that fought her for about twenty minutes and we thought sure was going to be a record. It ended up having some old fishing line attached to it, which made it doubly hard to get to the surface, but Hannah did. Carlie refuses to let anybody help her pull in fish and I was scolded the one time I tried. Our team did awesome! It was a good thing everybody was so independent because there were a couple of times that there were four fish on the line at once.
With out limit of Halibut in the box, we started the long drive back to Homer. If you doubt that Halibut fishing is hard work, I would like to point out that everybody in my party feel asleep on the way back. We were smoked!
As we left those Halibut rich waters, I pointed out the most amazing cloud formation I had ever seen to the rest of our boat. There was the perfect form of a giant wolf on top of the mountain in the background. The wolf's head, face, legs, and tail were all visible and it was perfectly postured in a sitting position on the top of the mountain as if he was watching us leave and maybe was watching over us the whole time.  Whatever was watching over us on God's behalf did keep us safe. God also blessed us with a good day of fishing.
When we got back into the harbor area, we had to huddle to determine how much to tip our captain - I recommend you figure this out before you go so you don't have to text your wife and tell her to bring you some cash to the pier. I usually plan better than that, but I goobered it up this time and Cammie bailed me out and delivered the cash.   I think we tipped an acceptable amount for a successful trip, but I am not sure if we tipped as generously as Judy did. She and the captain were both single and I think she might have thought he was sort of cute and that probably influenced her tip formula. Cute did not influence mine - we were not out on the sea that long that I found our bearded captain cute.
When we got to the pier, the balance of Benefields and Fitzgeralds met us there and so did Charlie, the Halibut filet master. He hauled our catch to the North Country Charter Office where we took pictures and so did some tourists who were just passing by. What a foul to take your picture with somebody else's fish and claim them as your own.  We did not know these picture poachers - they weren't on the boat with us and we had never seen them before, but somewhere on the internet, they are claiming our catch as theirs! Of course, I think I did almost accidentally roll Eric's fish into our count, but we had Charlie there to keep us honest on the numbers.

When Charlie started preparing our fish, another wave of tourists happened upon us.  I had no idea fileting fish was such a tourist draw, but I did share with Charlie my experience in Valdez with the French speaking tourists. I also told him that I could tell he was a pro because he got all our fish prepared without showing any butt crack - something I still have not accomplished. 
These Alaska fishing towns have a lot of great services provided. After Charlie got our fish cut up, we had it hauled over to Coal Point to have it packaged and frozen for a small fee. We were too smoked to do this ourselves and the Halibut is just too valuable to be trusted to amateurs like us.  We dropped it off at 1600 on Saturday and picked up our fish 0800 on Sunday. What a great deal!
With our fish at the processing plant, we needed to find some fish that had already been through the processing plant and the deep fryer. After a long day, what better place could we eat than the Happy Face Restaurant. No kidding, their logo was a big yellow smiley face.   Despite the happy logo, some of our little people were not so happy. I am not going to name the child, but I have to tell you that I thoroughly enjoyed the complete melt down that occurred when we said grace before one of our little people was ready. We had to pray over our food again just for him!  That is going to be a great story when he grows up!
With our bellies full, the Benefields were ready to call it a day. The Fitzgeralds had to drive back to Eagle River Saturday and I did not envy them -I fell asleep before 8 pm and was not fit to drive. The Fitzgeralds also had to go buy a freezer early Sunday so when we got their fish home, they could keep them frozen. What a great problem to have when you have more fish than freezer space. We had just enough freezer space for all of our fish.
I can't wait to eat all that fish and refill the freezer next year!  As soon as Alabama releases its 2012 football schedule, I will know when we will be going back to Homer to get our Halibut! Thankfully, they kept up their end of the bargain this year with a 48-7 win over Kent State, but don't worry football fan friends, I will be in front of the TV next week to see Alabama take on Penn State - in front of the TV eating fried Halibut!

The Fall in the Wild

Moving on up - to ALASKA

It is PCS season for the Benefields. We are moving from the political jungle of Washington DC to the final frontier of Alaska. It is the adventure of five lifetimes and we are well on our way!
Military families expect to move every three years and leave good friends behind.  When you leave a military community, there are sad goodbyes, but a lot of understanding based on the common experience of moving every couple of years. When a military family leaves a civilian community, there are sad goodbyes and it is not part of a common shared experience.  As we prepared to leave, I began to worry about how some of our friends were taking the departure of our family. I think the only thing that allowed some of them to cope with our move is they almost as happy to see me go as they were sad to see Cammie and the kids leave - that's just a theory, but a good one.
The good-byes were long and tearful and I began watching everybody who came by the house very closely to make sure nobody was going to chain themselves to our minivan or kidnap any of our children to delay our PCS. While watching all these goodbyes that I imagined to be the most emotional event since the premier screening of Old Yeller, I realized that I was a little desensitized to the emotions of moving. The day prior, I had said goodbye to our close friends the Roserberrys, who were stationed with us in Louisiana. Our goodbyes were along the lines of, "I'll see you on Facebook, Rhonda. See ya, Ryan. Come visit." No tears and a couple of brief hugs. We will see each other again.  I won't miss them less than our neighbors will miss my family, but I learned what a difference experience and expectations make.
Another thing on my mind during all the goodbyes were all the things we still needed to accomplish. Sixteen hours out from our flight and we still had things in the refrigerator, had not packed our bags, and I had to do something with my car. Those of you who know me know how much fun I was to be around while this was weighing on me.  I tried to relax, but I had to pray through this in order to not have a stroke.
We got back to our hotel room sometime around 2130 and got the kids in bed as quickly as possible. Cammie starting setting stuff aside to donate to Goodwill and throwing stuff away. I took the lead in organizing the bags after she had them mostly packed so we would be sure not to have more than we could carry through the airport. I laid two bags by each person's clothes for the next day.  By 2300, we were somewhat ready, but we had two hampers and three boxes of stuff that we had to dispose of.  Our neighbor volunteered to help us with that so I planned to take all the stay behind stuff to her house the next morning while I handed over the keys to my car.
The small drama over the fate of my old car Blue had an unusual, but happy ending. While preparing our house to turn over to our landlords, I explained to a man I had just met, Coach Mac, the dilemma of what to do with my Fairlane while I lived in Alaska.  I did not have the means to get the car to South Carolina or Alabama, where I had volunteers to store her, and get myself back to DC to fly out to Alaska. The Army would not allow me to fly out from Atlanta, so I was a bit stuck.  I could not get Blue to Alaska without great expense and time, neither of which I could afford. The gentleman looked at me and said, "I would love to have your car." I asked how much he would pay for it and he hesitated a minute, but I made a quick counter offer. "How would you feel about buying it from me and agreeing to sell it back in three years?" He liked that deal so much that a tear came to his eye. Actually, a few tears came to his eye, but it was from happiness. For $1.00, I sold my beloved old car to a Christian brother who is already using the attention that car draws to talk to people about Jesus. I told him that it would be fine with me to update the Ten Commandments license plate with something more New Testament and he teared up again.  We established a handover time of 0730 the morning of 25 September to complete the transaction.
We now had a great plan for 25 September. A 0700 wake up for the family. I would have donuts from Dunkin in the room when they wake up for motivation. Then, I would be off to drop the stay behind package at the neighbor's, hand over Blue's keys to Coach Mac, and then return to the room for a 0900 shuttle ride to the airport. A perfect plan, until.....
At 0550 in the morning, my cell phone went off and I got there in time to see an 800 number that I thought was a telemarketer. But, telemarketer's don't leave voice mails and this caller did. I checked the voice mail and heard United Airlines tell me that my flight, "has been affected by a cancellation." What in the world did that mean? Did they cancel the in flight movie or my flight? I called the reservation number and found out that our nice 1245 flight was canceled. The only flight from Dulles that would make our connection to Alaska was a 0930 flight. Three hours cut out of our perfect plan, but it was our only option. I had the lady switch all five of us to the 0930 flight and she confirmed we were all re-booked.
So, Cammie and I huddled and issued a quick FRAGO. I was immediately off to drop the stay behind package, text Coach Mac to have him meet me at the hotel instead of my house, re-schedule the hotel shuttle for 0715, and bring back donuts. Cammie would wake the kids and pillow pets and get all the luggage on a cart.  It was now 0615 and we had one hour to execute.
I returned to the hotel at 0655 and saw our cab driver waiting in the lobby (it was too early for the shuttle),  a fully loaded luggage cart in the room, three dressed kids, and a wife who I was extremely proud of - Cammie does not like to be rushed, but she responded like a paratrooper.
At 0705, Coach Mac texted from the parking lot and was there to take custody of Blue. God was smiling on us and everything was going on time. I gave Coach Mac the car and our last two Dunkin Donuts and we exchanged a good strong Christian handshake to seal the deal.  I cried a little as my car pulled away, but then I remembered there are always reunions!
At 0714, I walked back into the hotel and saw our luggage cart getting off the elevator.  I was proud of my family for pulling this off. The gentleman driving our cab wanted our kids to ride two to a seat to make room for the luggage, so I had to send him to the driver's seat while I loaded the luggage and the family to meet Virginia safety laws and Mommy Benefield's standards. All my years of hauling hay paid off that day and every bag was secure and every Benefield had their own seat belt on the way to the airport.  And just to reassure my old hay hauling buddies, there was nothing tied to the top of the mini-van taxi - we got it all inside.
We arrived at the airport a little early because, well, because I don't trust the people who work for United or at Dulles to be efficient.  My suspicions were somewhat confirmed when we checked in and found that the reservation agent had only re-booked Cammie and the kids. I was still on the canceled flight. The agent who helped us at the airport was grumpy due to a barking dog, but she was very efficient (my kind of people). She got us seats somewhat together with time to mosey through security.
After we checked our bags, I gathered the family for another FRAGO on security procedures. After the brief, tThe kids acknowledged that they would empty their pockets, take off their shoes, remove their belts, and James acknowledged that he WOULD NOT get naked as we passed through security. I have seen a lot of families go through the security line and I think we might have the Dulles record for a family of five. It was like an OPFOR battle drill. Again, I was proud of my crew.
With all the focus on getting to the airport, we had not really talked much about the flight for a few days. So, we assembled at the gate for a refresher on Benefield flight procedures. It was a pretty simple brief- if any of my children misbehaved on the flight or deliberately caused a scene, there would be several consequences. The first infraction would cause Santa Clause to strike them from his list. Any misbehavior beyond that and I would start giving away their favorite toys.  If it got really bad, I would issue them prison clothes and make their rooms in Alaska look like prison cells until they were properly rehabilitated. My kids were under a lot of stress, but this was not time to tolerate bad behavior.
Deterrence worked! My kids were excited, but well behaved on the plane. As the plane took off, Jay Allen yelled, "YEAH, BABY!" James yelled out, "I berlieve I can fly!" Jay Allen couldn't get enough - he wanted to "blast off" instead of "take off".  Carlie was quietly just as excited, and all together, we are quite a comedy show.  We should have charged all those laughing passengers for the extra entertainment.  Watching my three kids, it is easy to forget that many people are scared of flying. 
When we got to Chicago, we had an almost five hour layover. We learned from friends in Alaska that there was a huge earthquake there while we were flying, but no significant damage. I could only think that was a warm up for what James would bring to the state. We ate lunch and tried to contain our children, but they spent almost all of their good behavior.  We loaded the plane just before Santa had to get his red pen out.
As we boarded the plane, I pointed out to James a gentlemen wearing a sweatshirt from the Arkansas Razorbacks, Alabama's opponent that day. I planted an idea in his head and was proud of James when we boarded the plane. The Arkansas fan was sitting in the first seat we passed and James stopped and said, "YOU ARE GOING DOWN, PORK CHOP! ROLL TIDE!" The guy in the sweatshirt and all the surrounding passengers really enjoyed that - more than the game as it would turn out.

The flight to the final frontier was long and a bit challenging. The first challenge was that the movie was supposed to be the Karate Kid. The kids were sorely disappointed when the movie turned out to be the Grownups, but being the veteran parents we are, we had video games and activity books on hand for plan B.  
My kids are just not normal and do not have many fears (flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz withstanding). On the flight into Anchorage, we had the worst turbulence I have ever experienced on a commercial flight.  It was so bad I was looking for the yellow oxygen masks and I think I saw the tail of the plane pass the nose once. Jay Allen slept through it and Carlie and James laughed and cheered the worse it got.  This was quite a contrast to the tense atmosphere created by the other passengers, who were gasping, crossing themselves, and praying up a storm. I was worried that some of the terrified passengers were going to yell at my kids, but none did. I was strangely amused and worried at the same time, but again, proud of my kids for being so fearless.  Different experience and different expectations showed themselves again.

Airport Bear

When we landed, we snapped a couple of pictures with the stuffed bears in the airport and then ran over to reunite with our friends the Sanders, who were with us in Louisiana, too. See what I mean about military farewells - there are always reunions.
The Sanders brought our new vehicle, THE BEAST, to the airport for us so we were instantly mobile.  The BEAST is an 1984 Surburban that the kids have already embraced as the family vehicle. I bought it off Craig's List for a very small sum, but I have doubled my investment since adding snow tires and replacing the battery and alternator.  I am going to have to buy jumper cables and remember to carry warming blankets in the car in case it ever has issues again, but still, it is a rolling playground par excellence.  

The BEAST

The Alaskans told us to be thankful we got to Alaska before it got cold. It was 28 degrees our first morning here. I am sure glad it was not cold! MERCY!

Alaska is a different planet. There are Eskimos and Russians and all kinds of different flavors of people and creatures here. Moose crossing signs and public service announcements to stay away from bears are common. There are also signs everywhere reminding you that, "It is illegal to feed foxes." Cammie is going to starve!

But alas, I did feed Cammie and did so at the Snow City Cafe in Anchorage for our first meal in Alaska. It was the absolute best breakfast we have ever eaten and well worth the car payment it cost!  I have never had a crab omelet before, but it was number one!  All the kids had hot chocolate and Cammie had a fru fru coffee that she thoroughly enjoyed. The only uncomfortable part of breakfast was trying to keep James from talking about the host's many piercings. He had a nose ring that I almost convinced myself was there so he could be pulled through the snow in case he slid off the road into a ditch.

Snow City

As we spent our first full day in Alaska, we discovered that every Alaskan works for the tourism bureau, or at least it seems like it. Alaskans love their state like southern folk love their SEC football. I am not exaggerating. The welcome wagon overwhelmed us many times over and we loved it (still loving it).

The big kids are now Birchwood Mustangs and James is Little Lamb of Peace, the name of the Lutheran pre-school. Carlie and Jay Allen have a PE teacher named Mr. Armstrong and they are already signed up for a 3k and 1k race respectively. Mr. Armstrong told us about the ice skating and cross country skiing and came just short of saying, "I have the coolest adult job ever!"
So, the Benefields are braving the final frontier and already going native. I caught myself on the phone today saying, "That's not too cold," when my buddy told me that it would only get down to single digits here in the winter. To go native faster, I think we will go see what an Alaskan football game looks like this Friday.  The Chugiak High School Mustangs are in the football playoffs and from what I hear, we have more people working in our concession stands at high school games in Alabama than they have in the stands here. I am really hoping for a moose to run on the field - nothing would please my kids more! 

 

Four Days of Fast and Furious Vacation

We are moving this summer, but we don't know when. The kids didn't get out of school until June 24th and they are likely to start back to school by August 17th.  I am in school until September. If you are confused about our situation, just be thankful that you are not us.
So, because of our crazy summer, we took a mini-vacation over the Forth of July Weekend.  Cammie and the kids drove down on Friday and we started our weekend.  We went to the PX and picked up a few supplies for the weekend and made our plan for the rest of the day.  While checking out at the PX, the lady working the register swore that I looked just like Kenny Chesney.  I had never heard that one before, so I checked it out and asked my kids. They said no way - I don't even own a cowboy hat.  I may look a little like the country singer/songwriter, Jason Benefield, but an older, clean shaven version.
Now supplied with all life's necessities, we hustled the kids to the beach at Damneck Military Reservation.  It was a great little spot just for military families.  The kids played until we were exhausted and then we planned our trek back to home base (at Norfolk).
We were hungry when we started the journey back, but were soaking wet.  Since we couldn't sit down in a respectable restaurant, we called a Domino's Pizza for pick up enroute.  Actually, Cammie called and the guy at the Domino's was very friendly and funny. I suspected he was trying to flirt, but Cammie did not participate. She said as she hung up, "Mr. Funnyman finally took my order."
When we stopped to pick up our pizza, I stayed with the kids in the Lucky van and Cammie went inside to pick up the pizza. A deliveryman came out with some fresh pies and asked us how we were doing and what our plans for Independence Day were. I told him we weren't sure, but we were staying on the Naval Reservation.  He said, "Oh, you are with Cammie!"  I was taken aback and then realized this was Mr. Funnyman.  He then began to rattle off all the events and local sites we should see for the 4th.  I suspected that he was trying to flirt, but I would not participate.  Actually, he was just very friendly, but Mr. Funnyman was not his true identity. In his list of recommendations, he included the Virginia State Zoo in Norfolk.  I said we would likely go there and he said, "I do a couple of shows over there. I am a monkey."  We did not know what exactly that meant and after our visit, we still do not.  But, Mr. Funnyman is a real live monkey of some kind. 
For the next two days, our kids quoted the Pizza Monkey as a great authority on Independence Day events in Norfolk. Honestly, I have to admit that he was right on the money with every recommendation and every bit of 411.  Pretty good work for a pizza monkey.
So, the next day, the Benefield Five were all the zoo when the gates opened.  The kids had a great time and even I enjoyed Virginia's State Zoo. It was more scenic than most zoos and let us get eye to eye with everthing from Meerkats to Giraffes. As we ended our visit, we didn't have a complete consensus on whether we wanted to ride the train, so Cammie took James for a train ride while I took the big kids to the gift shop. Since James would pay $2 for his train ride, I authorized each big kid $2 for the gift shop. I thought we would be playing mission impossible to find something for $2, so I let them pool their money to share something for $4. Can you believe there was an entire rack of little stuffed animals for $1 and some for 50 cents?!  I am proud of my big kids because they bought themselves colored bean bag frogs (green and blue) and then asked if they could buy James an animal - all within budget!  They picked out the purple giraffe for James, which he instantly dubbed a "bergaffe", despite our efforts to identify it correctly as a giraffe. 
Now, the kids all loved their new stuffed animals, but Jay Allen had the bright idea of throwing his green frog on the roof of our guest quarters.  Cammie shot some video of me trying to rescue the frog and know when you see it that the vibration in the video is from Cammie's laughter. I almost had that little frogger free when he fell into the gutter. I ultimately failed to recover the frog and had to promise Jay Allen an FRU to get him to quit obsessing about getting somebody to recover the original frog.  By the way, FRU stands for Frog Replacement Unit - I will be re-visiting the Zoo gift shop this week.
After experimenting with a public beach in Norfolk Saturday evening, we headed back out to the military beach early Sunday morning.  The waves were "wicked" as the kids say. Actually, the waves were literally wicked.  It was great fun to get out in the surf, but after only a few minutes, Carlie got turned completely upside down and had so much sand in her hair that she looked more like a life size piece of beach art than a real person. Bless her heart, she waited until she got back to our little piece of the beach before she started crying, but she took quite a lick to the gut and the noggin.  She shook it off after an hour or so, but that set the tone for the rest of the day.
Jay Allen took heed and stayed in water no deeper than his knees. James had a life vest and a kick board and was a little more brave than his wise brother. James did temper his bravery by staying with me in the deep water, but eventually, a wave came in that turned me upside down, too. I kept James above the surface, but his Nemo kickboard got away. So, when I came up out of the water, all I heard was James screaming, "NEMO!" and pointing toward his wayward kickboard.  I turned around to recover it when a second wave hit me in the face so hard that I lost my NRA hat and my favorite sunglasses.  Jay Allen reocovered my NRA hat as it violently washed into the ankle deep water with the wave, but my glasses were gone forever, Poseidon only knows where.
While I was engaged in hand to hand with the Atlantic Ocean, behind me, James was getting pile drived by the wave that claimed my glasses. I turned around in time to see Cammie rushing into the water to grab James's two legs. His two legs were sticking straight up in the air!  We pulled him out of the water and saw that he had Carlie's sand sculpture hair do.  He was disoriented for a minute, swore (with nice words) he was never going back in the ocean and then declared the whole experience, "AWESOME!"
After the beach, we went to Fort Monroe for their independence celebration. The local country music stations sponsored the event and they had Emily West and Jimmy Wayne as the featured artists.  If you are having a hard time explaining all the facts of life to your young children, take them to an open air country music concert and catch up. We learned almost all the dirty words (luckily James did not know these when the wave capsized him), almost every kind of sin, and every sad occasion of life. By the time we life, the kids knew stories about breaking every one of the ten command.ments! That was our payback for skipping Sunday School on the 4th of July.  
The first artist, Emily West is a very talented musician, but a bit confused on the difference in a Honky Tonk crowd and a family oriented event at a military installation. She will figure it out, but by the time she does, somebody will teach her kids dirty words and trashy country music songs. 
Jimmy Wayne, on the other hand, is a class act with an inspiring story. He closed his set with, "I Love You This Much." Of course, our kids were either asleep or looking for fireworks by the time he did that song, but it was very moving for Cammie and me.  Look up Jimmy Wayne, his story, and his music. He has a powerful testimony.

After the concert and the truly awesome fireworks display, I had to carry our stunt surfer, James, back to the van and drive all my sleepy people back to the Naval Base after a long day. You would think that we would rest the next day, but noooo.  We were off to Busch Gardens.
My kids went wide open all day at Busch Gardens and rode almost every possi ble ride. If you have never been, go see the Pet Shenanigans. It is a show put on by animals rescued from local shelters and it is hilarious.  The animals and trainers do a great job and our kids absolutely loved it.  Busch Garden also has two bald eagles and several other unique attractions that make it a great family event. You are not Dad of the year if you don't ride the Super Grover roller coaster more than four times, so mail me my award now and save time.
Actually, Dad was pretty grumpy and tired by the end of the day, but the kids were pretty well behaved.  They were all sound asleep on the way home and I suspected they would sleep on the way to Alabama the next day, but Cammie said they did not. They actually behaved so badly for Cammie that they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will never leave them on the side of the road for bad behavior. If she would do such a thing, it would have happened today.  So, the grandparents and aunts and uncles in Alabama are going to get a chance to love some rotten little people who are more tired than they have ever been.
Even rotten, I miss those little monkeys and wish we could stock up on energy drinks and do the whole thing again this weekend. I pray all your family vacations are just as frenetic, but you might want to stretch them over a couple of weeks instead of a long weekend.

Vacation 2010

The Benefields rolled out to the Virginia Beach Area for spring break this year with weather more suited for a snow skiing trip. It was nearly freezing the day we left and it was rainy and cold at the beach.
Our little Fort Story beach cabin was adequate for warm weather, but not really designed to contain a high spirited group of kids like ours. We discovered within minutes of arrival that it was very hard to even think with the kids running wild in the house. We went on a short walk, but a hungry fox was stalking us, so I had to chase him away and then calm down the kids. In order to get the kids in bed earlier, we gave the kids the bedrooms and we slept on the fold out couch in the living room. We made that decision before we actually folded out the couch. I laid on the bed first and Cammie asked if it was comfortable. If being poked by bed springs in the ribs and legs and parts in between is considered comfortable, this bed rocked! I warned Cammie that unless she had spent some time in prison I didn't know about, this bed was going to suck worse than any she had ever slept on. I was right. So, after 17 years of marriage, Cammie is now also my prison girlfriend after the night we spent on that bed.
Our first full day at the beach started with James having war with a spider at the foot of our bed and was characterized by floods and road closures. So we were going to have a day inside, but not, Lord willing, in the tiny prison cell we were renting. We put the kids in front of the TV while we developed a plan, so they embarked on a rainy day Evan Almighty marathon. They never asked me to build us an ark, but I know they were starting to worry as the stormy ocean outside made the movie storms look very calm. Or maybe the little people were paying closer attention to Evan Almighty than I thought.
On viewing three of Evan Almighty, I went to the ticket office at Fort Story and bought tickets to the Pirate ship, Nauticus and USS Wisconsin for the family. This was a http://www.nauticus.org/ great family event, but I think the adults may have been more interested than the children.
We all had fun, but we were "starving to death" as Jay Allen says, by 1500! After trying to put dinner off with a family sized pretzel, we gave in to hunger and journeyed back to Bubba's seafood restaurant.  By 1600, we were seated for dinner. The kids were somewhat well behaved, but as an elderly couple walked in, James saw the silver haired lady with glasses and yelled, "GRAMMY!" It took some convincing, but we finally got James to believe that the lady was not his grammy. Of course, that was nicer than what the boys called her husband. After all the Evan Almighty watching, my boys called the elderly man the "weirdo with a beardo." We could not get them to quit saying this in spite of elevating to Threatcon three (threat of a public beating). I am thankful that the weir...I mean the elderly man is hard of hearing or he might have well been offended.
It is important to us as parents to keep our promises, so we took our children to the beach as promised on Tuesday, even while the risk of hypothermia and frost bite was still very high. The kids played until they turned blue and made us to promise to come back each day until we left, though sunshine and warmth was not forecast until the day after we left. Maybe we should extend at the beach a day.
Besides the beach, we played a lot of baseball on this vacation. I have two little league ball players in the family and Carlie is very dedicated to practicing. She had me out in the yard playing catch for two or three hours a day. Jay Allen participated a little, but Carlie practiced relentlessly. I have to admit that she came back from the beach with much better catch and throw skills and is a possible starter at second base! Heck, I came back from the beach with much better catch and throw skills - just in case Bobby Cox is reading this.
Wednesday was not super warm, but relatively warm compared to the other days. We hauled it back out to the beach and hung out until we were all blue and shivering again. Carlie had awaken me at 0630 that morning to look for dolphins and we had seen none, so when I spotted a large group of dolphins early that afternoon, there was great rejoicing in the Benefield family! These dolphins didn't dance on their tails the way the Jekyll Island dolphins did, but making an appearance was huge for our animal and ocean loving children.
The dolphins were a great finale to our beach visit that day, so we loaded up to re-visit the USS Wisconsin (the tours were closed due to rain and slick decks the first day). As we started toward town, Jay Allen declared, "James doesn't have on any pants!" And he didn't. Not sure how he got in the van in his drawers without us noticing, but he did. After we ran back to our cell to get pants on James, we got back to the Wisconsin and had a great time walking through the old ship and its history.
As much fun as the dolphins and Wisconsin were, the big event was visiting the Polings, Bob and April. Our kids love to visit and they thought that Bob and April's house was "awesome". There were cats to terrorize and kids to play with and a pit of balls that James thought was the best thing ever, despite the bad things Bob said about the pit of balls. Visiting with the Polings is always great, and being able to work that into vacation is a definite bonus.
As Wednesday came to a close, we realized that we needed one more day at the beach. When we asked to extend one night in our prison cell, the lodging staff told us that it was taken and they had no room except for the VIP "CG's cottage." Cammie's first instinct was that we were out of luck, but I wanted to know who was in the CG's cottage and whether we rent it. The lodging staff could not answer this for us, but they did put us in touch with the CG's office. Come to think of it, the lodging staff was not overly helpful during the entire stay. When Cammie tried to drop some mail with them, they told her that they could not mail her letter because they were "federal employees." Luckily, the people at the post office did not make the same protest or we would have never gotten that letter mailed!
Back to the issue at hand, the CG's office attacked our lodging crisis as if we lived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (and no, I didn't tell them that). They were great. After they checked with everybody and their brother to make sure no real VIPs wanted the CG's cottage, they instructed the lodging office to rent it to us. After working through the fact that they were federal employees and what was in their job description, we finally got our sleeping arrangements for our final night worked out.
Quick aside for Jesus - I don't think it is any accident that we were upgraded from a prison cell to a mansion during Holy Week. How appropriate! I just need to remember that when life's springs are poking me in the ribs that a mansion does await me!
The VIP quarters were wonderful. They were so comfortable, we hardly wanted to come back home. Our last day at the beach was awesome and closed out a great week.We grilled more seafood from Bubba's on the grill and it was cooked perfectly (if I do say so myself).  Nothing better than seafood at the beach.
After wrapping up our all-time favorite family beach vacation, it was time to head home. The family did indulge me a quick stop at the Global Supply Solution http://www.gssgear.com/home.html store to buy some Vibram Fivefinger shoes. I bought the shoes, wore them out of the store and we headed home (I will post more on these shoes later).
We fueled up Lucky the Van and filled our bellies at McDonald's and headed north. As Lucky ran with traffic at about 70 mph, a helicopter attempted to land on our roof. At least, that is what Carlie said it sounded like.  I thought it sounded like the loudest jake braking ever and Cammie wondered who was running down the shoulder on the speed strips.Other than the sound effects, the blowout not very dramatic and we were all unfazed and thankful. The kids never even paused their video games, but we all realized it could have been much different.
For anybody wanting to have a picnic, I recommend the 105 mile marker on I-95. If you can forego the blowout, all the better.  We were spread out in the median like the Clampetts and road side assistance took an hour to get to us. At least we were not hurt or freezing and Lucky the van survived another chapter in its life unscathed.  Worse than the blowout, the temp tire almost got us smoked by a semi. Those tires are supposed to be rated for 50 mph driving, but I don't feel safe at any speed with the temp tire. We would not be traveling the remaining 80 miles home on this bicycle tire for sure.  We swerved like drunken sailors in the first mile and looked for a place to get our real tire fixed.
We pulled off at a nearby exit and found a tire repair shop co-located with a Cracker Barrel. Thank you, Jesus! For the record, the tire repair cost the same price as the "Fish Fry" at Cracker Barrel, so my wallet came out of the blowout better than it came out of dinner. And that is how I like it - if I am going to spend money on a spare tire, I want it to be the one around my middle!
Well, that is all from Vacation. God Bless you all and have a great Easter!

Grave Digger Diggers

The Benefield men just joined the world of Monster Truck fans. We drove to Baltimore for Monster Jam and had a great time. I thought we should show a couple hours early, but that was not the best idea. They didn't open the gates until an hour before the event for normal tickets. We were not getting in the arena before then without a special pass, UNLESS....
Since we were so early, we hit the local eating establishments. First, I treated the boys to Dunkin Donuts, their favorite! Then we moved on to McDonald's for a lunch-like treat. To give you an idea of how rough this McDonald's was, they had crime scene tape in the supply closet. There was a drug dealer distributing pills from a prescription bottle and I had to act like I didn't notice so as not to get stabbed. I did get noticed pretending not to notice, though, and the buyer started watching me. He stood up when I stood up and he followed us out. There was another dad in the McDonald's and I planned my exit with his just in case of such an event. As we all walked toward the arena, I prepared to hand my boys to the dad beside us and refresh my hand to hand skills on the streets of Baltimore. Luckily, the buyer decided to turn off. I mean, good gravy, we wanted to see Monster trucks, not a street fight!
The arena was still not open for Monster Jam, but they did have a boy scout event a couple of hours early that allowed the scouts and parents to meet all the drivers and see the trucks before the show. I managed to infiltrate behind a line of boy scouts and act like I was looking for my troop leader (who was holding the passes). When asked if I was with the Boy Scouts, I simply said, "Absolutely, all the way," and I was honest about not not having any passes, but the lady assumed one of my boys must be a scout and that our troop leader had our passes. We had a great time walking around with the scouts looking at the trucks and will continue to give Boy Scouts our full support in the future! I am also thankful that I got to refresh my infiltration skills and not my hand to hand skills, which is what I fear would have happened if we had been kicked back outside with the drug buyer from McDonald's.
The Monster Jam show was very well done. I enjoyed it immensely and the boys were just blown away. The trucks and bikes and motorcycles were all awesome performances. We spent our entire souvenir and snack allowance before the show, but the boys have gravedigger hats and banners and cotton candy to show for it.
There was a dad near me who was about to get into a fight with an obnoxious mom in front of us who kept blocking our view (no, it was not me- he was sitting by me), but the usher sat her down and threatened her sufficiently after she gave my neighbor dad the hand. I hadn't seen that kind of display in person in a long time, so I just counted that as a bonus to the show!
We are officially Grave Digger fans, now, without a doubt. I would say we really "dig" Grave Digger(thus the catchy title of my blog). I can't claim much interest in Monster Trucks before the show, but the show won me over. I am also proud of my boys for being so well behaved. Believe it or not, James went to sleep in the loudest part of the show, but I am not complaining. I did have to carry him a mile back to the van in my arms, but I think most dads would agree that its nice to still have little ones that you can tote. This was definitely a top boys' night out memory for us.
Next, the whole family goes to see the Globetrotters Wednesday night!

Gettysburg (rated - whatever tells you I am going to pass on things my kids said)

The Benefields were due a family outing, so I began mission planning for a trip to Gettysburg. Our failed attempt at a date down town reinforced the need to plan everything here, so I pulled up the Gettysburg tourism site, http://www.gettysburg.travel/visitor/attractions.asp, and starting planning my fanny off.
We started off with two major disadvantages. The first disadvantage was that 50% of the sites were closed seasonally (NOV-MAR is not good for touring Gettysburg). Another 20% were closed because it was Wednesday, but we still managed to identify several sites of interest that made the trip worthwhile. An Eisenhower Christmas, the Battlefield, a covered bridge, several scenic tours, and Mister Ed's Elephant Museum made the final cut for planning!
I don't want to say that I have been grumpy and short with my family lately, but Cammie actually confronted me on the way to Gettysburg for being in a good mood! She asked me if I was taking drugs, but I never figured out if she asked out of concern for my health or if she just wanted access to my stash. I was not chemically altered, but I did threaten all the kids with the worst punishments I could imagine if they did not behave well on this trip. Just knowing they were sufficiently scared straight put me in a better mood.
We got a bit of a late start and had to make a McDonald's stop for the kids and a Taco Bell stop for Cammie and me in Leesburg, VA. Drive thru at McD's and I walked in at Taco Bell just across the street. While waiting for my order, an older lady, who could have been Barbara Bush, struck up a conversation with me (in English) and we became fast friends. She was completely amazed at the efficiency of the Taco Bell staff and acted like she had never been inside one before. I had to admit that I was impressed to see three different customers complain and see the Taco Bell crew handle all three complaints exceptionally well, In all three cases, the customers were in the wrong! I have never seen that before, but they let them off the hook easily and rapido, por favor.
With semi-full bellies, we pedaled on down the road to Gettysburg and arrived at 8 Lincoln Square with completely full bladders. We had to make a bathroom stop at the Subway just off the square before starting our tourist activities. The boys broke out in one of their anatomy discussions while we waited for the girls. Jay Allen wanted to know why it took the girls so long - was it because they had to wipe? In the middle of Subway, he went on to explain to James that boys have penises, but girls have Chinuses. Some of you may remember that after watching Kindergarten Cop, the boys told me that boys have peanuts and girls have Chinas. They have figured out the terminology for male anatomy, but obviously believe that the plural of China is Chinuses. James was now pointing to his man parts, going "Yeah, boys have penises." Cammie emerged from the lady's room with Carlie to find me laughing semi-hysterically (still no drugs involved, I promise).
After all the anatomy talk, we had to escape Subway through the back door and find the starting point for all our planned tours. We walked around the square and failed to find the correct address (8), so I volunteered to duck into the Cigar shop and ask directions. When I broke the front door open, I was overcome with the sweetest smelling cigar smoke you can imagine. I was so distracted that I did not notice the Pit Bull who charged James and attacked him relentlessly - with slobbery sugar! That was the most affectionate dog I have ever seen and James loved him! The Cigar Store owner gave me directions to all the tourist attractions between pulls on his very fine cigar and sips of his Bourbon. All three seemed to be in perfect balance, but I only partook of the second hand smoke and the directions. He was very proud of his town and rightfully so. I think we could have spent a week in Gettysburg, but alas, we had only one afternoon. The cigars and Bourbon would have to wait.
After stopping briefly at the Wills House (where President Lincoln stayed the night before the Gettysburg address) to snap a picture with a statue of Abraham Lincoln, we headed on to the Gettysburg Museum. There were many options there, so I had to go to the information desk for help. I pointed to Cammie and the three kids and asked what would be the best choice to entertain those people for the rest of the afternoon, keeping in mind that we were going to stop by Mister Ed's Elephant Museum on the way home. First, the Park Ranger behind the desk had to make sure I knew that Mister Ed had more Elephants than anybody could possibly enjoy or even endure and the only attraction there was the candy, which we could buy at the nearest gas station. Ok, Ed was out. After sizing up our family, she recommended a Museum tour and a Battlefield driving tour. I think she was dead on!
James did mistake the museum for a playground and ran around simulating riding a horse or flying in an airplane the whole time. Strangely, the sound effects for a galloping horse and a speeding jet plane are the same for James and both involve spraying almost as much slobber as the friendly pooch in the cigar shop did. Gettysburg's Museum is truly awesome and I didn't get to take in but a fraction of it, but we are going back!
A quick aside - this is my second attempt to see Gettysburg that has fallen short. In January of 2001, I had worked with Trevor "Guppy" Hill to plan an actual Airborne operation that would drop modern paratroopers from the 509th onto the historic battlefields of Gettysburg. Trevor ended up doing most of the planning, but it started as my idea and I had planned on being one of the primary jump-masters kicking out Airborne soldiers over that sacred ground. Well, something even neater than that happened and my daughter, Carlie, was born just a day or two before the Gettysburg jump went off. I wish that I had been able to go on the jump, but not at the risk of missing Carlie's birth.
Now, back to today's trip. After persisting as long as we thought we could in the museum without getting kicked out, we began our battlefield driving tour. Knowing that Cammie and I were the only ones who would pay attention (and we were getting hungry), we passed on buying the CD with the narrated auto-tour and just free-styled our tour of the battlefield. We drove up to Culp's Hill and climbed the observation tower to observe the entire battlefield. This, too, was awesome. The kids loved it. In case you don't know, the only member of our family with any fear of heights is Cammie. That makes it really tough to keep control of the family at altitude, so I had to put Carlie in charge of Cammie and I took charge of James. Jay Allen had to be trusted to be in charge of himself, and he did a good job. After successfully coming down from the tower, we headed back toward Northern Virginia.
We received a Cracker Barrel gift certificate for Christmas, so we decided to use it on the way back. Cammie called the 1-800 number and was on hold for about thirty minutes to ask if there was a Cracker Barrel in Frederick, MD. Just seconds after the friendly lady at the Cracker Barrel Help Desk finally picked up and said, "Hang on just a second, Honey, and let me get my locator out." We passed a billboard with the exact location on it. That is so typical of our luck. Our life really is a SITCOM - some of you already know that.
Well, we made it to Cracker Barrel and the kids were really well behaved and the food was really good. One surprise and one as you would expect it. I ordered the very festive salad with chicken and feta and apples, but couldn't resist a side order of greens and beans - the perfect meal for a health conscious hillbilly. Cammie and I couldn't recall ever having a bad meal from Cracker Barrel.
Jay Allen had on his Terrance Cody #62 Jersey and I had on my Alabama Sweatshirt that a gentlemen noticed as we were leaving. He asked if we were from Alabama and I, of course, said, "YES! ROLL TIDE!" He then surprised me and said, "Alabama! You guys have the best.." I was waiting for running back, receiver, linebacker, quarterback, kicker, coach, but instead, he said, "you guys have the best looking license plates." I was speechless for a second and then said, "Yes, thanks. The state prisoners do a good job on those." I really did not know the appropriate response.
The rest of our trip was uneventful, but we kept talking about how good our meal was. Thanks to my brother and Jennifer for the gift certificate. For any of my friends considering a visit to Gettysburg, do it! You can't imagine a place that is more hospitable, even to people with ties to the losing side of that conflict.

Halloween highlights

The Scooby Doo gang went to the Fall Festival at church and then around the block for trick or treating. Things went fairly well.
Freddie did almost get into a fight with a speeding hybrid car that was endangering the kids, though. I am not sure how scary it is to have Fred from Scooby Doo step in front of your car and yell for you to slow down, but that was somebody's Halloween fright. You usually don't see somebody drive that fast in our neighborhood without a pizza sign on their car, so not sure who that was - maybe I scared off some criminals looking to steal sunglasses and GPSes.
Freddie also had to stare down a mean dog barking at the kids! Did he think Scooby was real? He was probably harmless, but he seemed to be trick or treating with us - not cool for Dad or Fred.
Scooby, Shaggy, and Daffney all had excellent manners (I know -it shocks me, too), but Daffney and Shaggy did take off with Hannah Montana and Bumble Bee and leave Scooby with Freddy. Little brother and Dad just aren't very cool no matter how they are disguised. We stayed within hand grenade range, though.
Freddy did have to carry Scooby's candy bucket and eventually had to carry Scooby on his shoulder. Fred got Scooby-tooted, but Scooby did issue a "Scuse me."
Velma sent a half eaten moon pie home with some kid(our neighbor) by mistake. Hopefully we don't get tricked for that, but I think we are safe.
There was one Halloween trick.
Jay Allen has a very accurate inventory of his Halloween candy. If somebody takes a single piece, he knows. This morning, he came to the family and wanted to know why he only had seven packs of Whoppers when he had eight at bedtime last night. There was a moment of silence, and then the culprit confessed. Cammie did it! I found some Whoppers on the way home from work and replaced the stolen goods - so Cammie owes me.
That is all. Until next Halloween - BOO!

Hardly Halloween

We had a good night at the Hardly Haunted House this past Monday. The kids were not impressed with the orange trash bags full of pine straw - that was the scariest thing on the hay ride, except for the scary smell that James produced.
We had a bad night on the way home. I decided we needed some pumpkin pie and we went to the grocery store to get one. James was a bit naughty in the store and then wouldn't buckle in his seat. I directed him to sit and buckle and he refused.
As I went around the van to threaten him and buckle him in, somebody (I suspect James) closed the van door on me. I bumped the door so it wouldn't close, but it came back at me and pinched my head in the door (Cammie accuses me of saying this as if the door is possessed - maybe it was). This time, I flung the door back while it growled and beeped and feel completely off the lower rail. There was only one point of attachment left; the door was now broken. By the way, Cammie was wishing her dad happy birthday on the phone while I was having war with James and Lucky -wish she had told me that before I flung the door. I had to take the door in my hands and pull it to my body and fasten it in position so we didn't have to ride home with the door open. It would have been very similar to a seats-in, doors open Air Assault from my days in the 101st, but Lucky's crew chief, Cammie, no-go'ed this idea. Jay Allen announced on the way home, "I think you broke the door." I just said, "Thank you, son. Really. You think its broke. Is that why it was growling at me and beeping and making that clicking noise?" I was not ready to be critiqued. When we got home, I attempted to get the Grand Caravan door back on its rails for two hours with no luck. It was dark, the ground was wet, and my attitude was not good.
As I was telling Cammie what I wrote on Facebook, I think I got to the bottom of who closed the door on me the first time. She says she opened the door, but I explained that I had done that before I got out of the driver's seat, so when she pressed the button, that was a close. I said no four letter words, but I didn't say much nice either. Cammie thought all of this was hilarious and it was funny to me by the time I got to bed - exhausted from spending two hours trying to get the van door back on the rails. Cammie would had jumped a curb to take off with my head caught in the door if she thought of it and that would have made a better blog, but she didn't think of that until her brother brought it up.
I briefly put Lucky for sale, but does anybody really wanna buy a used minivan that has been rear-ended by a bus, caught on fire (mirror melted off), had its windshield blow out in the driveway, jumped an island at the bank, jumped a curb at a Mexican restaurant (without Margarita assistance), been soaked in gasoline (not related to the fire incident), and ha...s tried to pinch its owner's head in the side door during a disciplinary event. Its name is LUCKY!
I took Lucky off the market after I got her door back on the rails. It took a little blood and some grunting, but no profanity or broken tools!
After the hayride and Lucky adventure, the kids asked me to produce the first running of HomeDaddy's Haunted House on Tuesday. Jay Allen, who was the loudest requester, wouldn't even come down the steps when it was ready. It wasn't too bad - A jack o lantern with a wig and a head in my lunch box and some candles and compressed air (from a can, not the kind James deployed on the hayride). I thought we fell short of the nightmare threshold and the kids were pleased, but Carlie did report a bad dream about a balloon the next morning.
Night 2 of Home Daddy's Haunted House was more intense! I boiled Scooby Doo (James's costume) on the oven, hung lifeless flight suits from the ceiling, substituted balloons for heads, and scared my children to the point of involuntary bodily functions. I wore a plastic hulk mask and my wild rock and roll hair. I looked like a professional wrestler other than my pajama pants and my UNC Tar Heel house shoes. They were very excited about our scare show and wanted to bring their friends over Friday night to be scared. More terror on Yukon Road!
The first open to the public Home Daddy's Haunted House was a big success. My kids thought it was the scariest one yet and the neighbor kids squealed - in delight or fright, I am not sure. I converted the turtle shell for our minivan into a coffin and laid at rest under a poncho liner (woobee) until the kids came by. I used compressed air (from a can) to draw their attention to me just before I leapt out in my SAS faceover (a tubular ski mask type device) and my rock and roll hair and my desert flight suit. Horror for all. Jay Allen and his buddy Stephen came unglued! The girls were also scared, but did not cling to their mothers and start crying. The neighbor kids had never seen the wild hair or faceover and did not like it even with the lights on.
My kids were pleased with my efforts to scare them and have secured my services for next year. If anybody else out there needs to be scared, just give me a call.

The Benefield Camping Expedition

I promised my boys a camping trip while we were on leave, so AJ and his kids were able to join us. It is the only time I remember having beans, wieners, and Yoo-hoos for dinner, so you know it was a good time.
Originally, the blueprint for this trip was for all the boys to go camping, build a fire, eat beans, and toot. AJ decided to bring the girls, so that civilized the whole expedition just a little bit, but it was still an adventure. With all of our children, the adult to child ratio was 2-5. When both adults are dads, that ratio is perilously close to disaster, but we did survive.
I made the kids some fishing poles out of bamboo cane, thinking that would be safer since no casting was required. It only took about five minutes for Carlie to hook Jay Allen in the shoulder, so that theory was not as solid as I thought. I had to take a tactical pause and give the entire camping party a safety brief on the use of the cane poles. Happily, nobody else was hooked during the trip, not even a fish.
The next near disaster involved Jay Allen dropping the tailgate on Carlie. I know many of you are thinking, "PAYBACK", but it was clear that he did not mean to hurt his sister and was more scared than she was about the injury. By Benefield family standards, it was a minor injury - no blood, no broken bones, no emergency room necessary. It paled in comparison to James taking a header off the Braggs's top floor and breaking their steps.
After a feast of beans and franks and Yoo-hoos, I convinced all of the children to fish with me. This lasted for a few minutes and then the big kids wanted to go roast marshmallows. James had no interest in marshmallows and kept on fishing for a good while. When he finally returned to the fire, he realized his mother was not there and wanted to go home. So, we took him home and camped on with the big kids.
The kids all settled down and slept quietly that night, though Jay Allen and I regretted that we left the tarp that my dad laid out for us. We slept under an Army poncho liner and it left us just a little chilly when we woke up. AJ had faithfully kept the fire going through the night, though I suspect that had a lot to do with the fact that his dog, Hoss, kept licking his feet when he tried to sleep.
My kids woke up wanting to fish and go paddle boating, so that is what we did, in that order. The paddle boat worked pretty well, and we even docked for blackberry picking on the far side of the pond. Yoo-hoos and blackberries for breakfast are number one!
Well, two minor injuries and two of three kids making it all night is a success for a first camping trip. AJ left just before we did, but technically, I think his camping trip lasted longer, at least for Aaron. When we both got back to my parents' house, Aaron was still asleep on AJ's truck. I don't know when Aaron finally woke up, but I did see him a couple of days later

Fear the Buggy Man!

We took a family trip to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum today and had a great time! The highlight of the day was the paper airplane flying contest. There was a class of eighth graders and their teachers participating, but Carlie and Jay Allen jumped in there, too. They both did a great job in the first couple of rounds and then Carlie's paper airplane missed the target just a little bit and was out. She immediately went to Jay Allen and whispered encouragement in his ear and coached him on through the next three rounds. Jay Allen won each round and was the overall winner! If you think he was intimidated by the young teenagers he was competing against, I will tell you that I turned around in time to see him stick his tongue out and taunt all the eighth graders who were out of the competition when they were cheering one of their classmates who was still in. Jay Allen hates losing and he loves winning and that was obvious to all who saw him today. I am just glad he didn't bring any of his Taekwondo into the airplane competition. I don't know where he gets that competitiveness, but he showed some great focus and concentration. The young man running the competition was a former Navy Petty Officer who was quite impressed - he said that he had never seen a kid that young win or do that well. I told Jay Allen to let the "instructor" know that he used a Jumpmaster eye to make that winning airplane, but he decided against taunting the instructor, too (good call).