The Haircut from Herndon

I broke my normal routine and went for a haircut before work this morning.  I also broke a standing rule that once I find a good barber, I don't change. This was a new barber shop that was conveniently located, so I wanted to try them out.
I showed up at the barber shop before they opened and hoped to get in the front of the line. Actually, I got in before the line. The gentlemen cleaning up took me right in and put me in his chair for the first haircut of the day.  Looking back on it, that might have been his first haircut ever! 
I told him that I wanted a high and tight flat top, but there was not a clear sign of cognition on his part. There was much pointing and quizzical looks, so I keep saying, "REAL SHORT!" louder and louder.  I knew I was in trouble when the man sprayed Febreze in my hair instead of water.  The "barber" began giving me a high and tight flat top with scissors!  I have seen scissors used after clippers, but never had I received a flat top with scissors.  I am pretty sure that I didn't receive a flat top with scissors today, either, because my haircut was beyond description. It was like watching a train wreck and it kept getting worse. Those of you who know me know that my facial expressions told the barber exactly what I thought of my haircut and that just made him nervous. Now, I was getting a flat top with shaky scissors!  I tried to relax, but it was killing me watching my haircut go bad. And it went bad for nearly an hour! When the gentleman finished, I asked for a mirror, but he refused to hand me one. When I got to my car, I figured out why. My hair was boogered up like a mangy dog after it wollered in road kill. It was terrible.  I was better groomed when I arrived and realized that the man never spoke or acknowledged a single word of English during my entire visit.  I think I actually got a haircut from a member of the cleaning crew!
There was no way I could go to work in this condition,  so I quickly determined that I was going to get a second hair cut today.  I went back to my old barber shop in Chantilly!  When I walked in, all the ladies gasped and the man said a curse word in Vietnamese (yes, I recognized it). They were all fixated on my hair and I just said, "Help!"
They asked, "what happened?"  I explained that I had been given a flat-top with scissors and they all said, "Ahhhh. You are the second one."
The owner of the barber shop summoned the flat top specialist from the back of the barber shop and the renovation began. I had a complete makeover. When I walked in, my eyebrows were longer than my hair. I had two ear-fros, my original term for excessive ear hair (not an afro, but an ear-fro). My ear-fros were so scary, a child went running out crying (that is a true story).  And, there was an embarrassing nose hair issue.  So, before she even got to the flat top, she trimmed away all the hair on me that would confuse an Evolutionist about which museum I escaped from. 
After all those issues were addressed the flat top work began.  She did a great job in spite of the damage done earlier. I had a front to rear fade, a two helicopter landing zone, and a multi-level duplex on my head when we started and I had a respectable high and tight flat top when we finished. The flat top specialist at Sully Barber Shop in Chantilly earned a big tip today!  If any of you need a flat-top, go there first. It is much easier than getting a haircut from Herndon.