So, because of our crazy summer, we took a mini-vacation over the Forth of July Weekend. Cammie and the kids drove down on Friday and we started our weekend. We went to the PX and picked up a few supplies for the weekend and made our plan for the rest of the day. While checking out at the PX, the lady working the register swore that I looked just like Kenny Chesney. I had never heard that one before, so I checked it out and asked my kids. They said no way - I don't even own a cowboy hat. I may look a little like the country singer/songwriter, Jason Benefield, but an older, clean shaven version.
Now supplied with all life's necessities, we hustled the kids to the beach at Damneck Military Reservation. It was a great little spot just for military families. The kids played until we were exhausted and then we planned our trek back to home base (at Norfolk).
We were hungry when we started the journey back, but were soaking wet. Since we couldn't sit down in a respectable restaurant, we called a Domino's Pizza for pick up enroute. Actually, Cammie called and the guy at the Domino's was very friendly and funny. I suspected he was trying to flirt, but Cammie did not participate. She said as she hung up, "Mr. Funnyman finally took my order."
When we stopped to pick up our pizza, I stayed with the kids in the Lucky van and Cammie went inside to pick up the pizza. A deliveryman came out with some fresh pies and asked us how we were doing and what our plans for Independence Day were. I told him we weren't sure, but we were staying on the Naval Reservation. He said, "Oh, you are with Cammie!" I was taken aback and then realized this was Mr. Funnyman. He then began to rattle off all the events and local sites we should see for the 4th. I suspected that he was trying to flirt, but I would not participate. Actually, he was just very friendly, but Mr. Funnyman was not his true identity. In his list of recommendations, he included the Virginia State Zoo in Norfolk. I said we would likely go there and he said, "I do a couple of shows over there. I am a monkey." We did not know what exactly that meant and after our visit, we still do not. But, Mr. Funnyman is a real live monkey of some kind.
For the next two days, our kids quoted the Pizza Monkey as a great authority on Independence Day events in Norfolk. Honestly, I have to admit that he was right on the money with every recommendation and every bit of 411. Pretty good work for a pizza monkey.
So, the next day, the Benefield Five were all the zoo when the gates opened. The kids had a great time and even I enjoyed Virginia's State Zoo. It was more scenic than most zoos and let us get eye to eye with everthing from Meerkats to Giraffes. As we ended our visit, we didn't have a complete consensus on whether we wanted to ride the train, so Cammie took James for a train ride while I took the big kids to the gift shop. Since James would pay $2 for his train ride, I authorized each big kid $2 for the gift shop. I thought we would be playing mission impossible to find something for $2, so I let them pool their money to share something for $4. Can you believe there was an entire rack of little stuffed animals for $1 and some for 50 cents?! I am proud of my big kids because they bought themselves colored bean bag frogs (green and blue) and then asked if they could buy James an animal - all within budget! They picked out the purple giraffe for James, which he instantly dubbed a "bergaffe", despite our efforts to identify it correctly as a giraffe.
Now, the kids all loved their new stuffed animals, but Jay Allen had the bright idea of throwing his green frog on the roof of our guest quarters. Cammie shot some video of me trying to rescue the frog and know when you see it that the vibration in the video is from Cammie's laughter. I almost had that little frogger free when he fell into the gutter. I ultimately failed to recover the frog and had to promise Jay Allen an FRU to get him to quit obsessing about getting somebody to recover the original frog. By the way, FRU stands for Frog Replacement Unit - I will be re-visiting the Zoo gift shop this week.
After experimenting with a public beach in Norfolk Saturday evening, we headed back out to the military beach early Sunday morning. The waves were "wicked" as the kids say. Actually, the waves were literally wicked. It was great fun to get out in the surf, but after only a few minutes, Carlie got turned completely upside down and had so much sand in her hair that she looked more like a life size piece of beach art than a real person. Bless her heart, she waited until she got back to our little piece of the beach before she started crying, but she took quite a lick to the gut and the noggin. She shook it off after an hour or so, but that set the tone for the rest of the day.
Jay Allen took heed and stayed in water no deeper than his knees. James had a life vest and a kick board and was a little more brave than his wise brother. James did temper his bravery by staying with me in the deep water, but eventually, a wave came in that turned me upside down, too. I kept James above the surface, but his Nemo kickboard got away. So, when I came up out of the water, all I heard was James screaming, "NEMO!" and pointing toward his wayward kickboard. I turned around to recover it when a second wave hit me in the face so hard that I lost my NRA hat and my favorite sunglasses. Jay Allen reocovered my NRA hat as it violently washed into the ankle deep water with the wave, but my glasses were gone forever, Poseidon only knows where.
While I was engaged in hand to hand with the Atlantic Ocean, behind me, James was getting pile drived by the wave that claimed my glasses. I turned around in time to see Cammie rushing into the water to grab James's two legs. His two legs were sticking straight up in the air! We pulled him out of the water and saw that he had Carlie's sand sculpture hair do. He was disoriented for a minute, swore (with nice words) he was never going back in the ocean and then declared the whole experience, "AWESOME!"
After the beach, we went to Fort Monroe for their independence celebration. The local country music stations sponsored the event and they had Emily West and Jimmy Wayne as the featured artists. If you are having a hard time explaining all the facts of life to your young children, take them to an open air country music concert and catch up. We learned almost all the dirty words (luckily James did not know these when the wave capsized him), almost every kind of sin, and every sad occasion of life. By the time we life, the kids knew stories about breaking every one of the ten command.ments! That was our payback for skipping Sunday School on the 4th of July.
The first artist, Emily West is a very talented musician, but a bit confused on the difference in a Honky Tonk crowd and a family oriented event at a military installation. She will figure it out, but by the time she does, somebody will teach her kids dirty words and trashy country music songs.
Jimmy Wayne, on the other hand, is a class act with an inspiring story. He closed his set with, "I Love You This Much." Of course, our kids were either asleep or looking for fireworks by the time he did that song, but it was very moving for Cammie and me. Look up Jimmy Wayne, his story, and his music. He has a powerful testimony.
My kids went wide open all day at Busch Gardens and rode almost every possi ble ride. If you have never been, go see the Pet Shenanigans. It is a show put on by animals rescued from local shelters and it is hilarious. The animals and trainers do a great job and our kids absolutely loved it. Busch Garden also has two bald eagles and several other unique attractions that make it a great family event. You are not Dad of the year if you don't ride the Super Grover roller coaster more than four times, so mail me my award now and save time.
Actually, Dad was pretty grumpy and tired by the end of the day, but the kids were pretty well behaved. They were all sound asleep on the way home and I suspected they would sleep on the way to Alabama the next day, but Cammie said they did not. They actually behaved so badly for Cammie that they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will never leave them on the side of the road for bad behavior. If she would do such a thing, it would have happened today. So, the grandparents and aunts and uncles in Alabama are going to get a chance to love some rotten little people who are more tired than they have ever been.
Even rotten, I miss those little monkeys and wish we could stock up on energy drinks and do the whole thing again this weekend. I pray all your family vacations are just as frenetic, but you might want to stretch them over a couple of weeks instead of a long weekend.
