Hardly Halloween

We had a good night at the Hardly Haunted House this past Monday. The kids were not impressed with the orange trash bags full of pine straw - that was the scariest thing on the hay ride, except for the scary smell that James produced.
We had a bad night on the way home. I decided we needed some pumpkin pie and we went to the grocery store to get one. James was a bit naughty in the store and then wouldn't buckle in his seat. I directed him to sit and buckle and he refused.
As I went around the van to threaten him and buckle him in, somebody (I suspect James) closed the van door on me. I bumped the door so it wouldn't close, but it came back at me and pinched my head in the door (Cammie accuses me of saying this as if the door is possessed - maybe it was). This time, I flung the door back while it growled and beeped and feel completely off the lower rail. There was only one point of attachment left; the door was now broken. By the way, Cammie was wishing her dad happy birthday on the phone while I was having war with James and Lucky -wish she had told me that before I flung the door. I had to take the door in my hands and pull it to my body and fasten it in position so we didn't have to ride home with the door open. It would have been very similar to a seats-in, doors open Air Assault from my days in the 101st, but Lucky's crew chief, Cammie, no-go'ed this idea. Jay Allen announced on the way home, "I think you broke the door." I just said, "Thank you, son. Really. You think its broke. Is that why it was growling at me and beeping and making that clicking noise?" I was not ready to be critiqued. When we got home, I attempted to get the Grand Caravan door back on its rails for two hours with no luck. It was dark, the ground was wet, and my attitude was not good.
As I was telling Cammie what I wrote on Facebook, I think I got to the bottom of who closed the door on me the first time. She says she opened the door, but I explained that I had done that before I got out of the driver's seat, so when she pressed the button, that was a close. I said no four letter words, but I didn't say much nice either. Cammie thought all of this was hilarious and it was funny to me by the time I got to bed - exhausted from spending two hours trying to get the van door back on the rails. Cammie would had jumped a curb to take off with my head caught in the door if she thought of it and that would have made a better blog, but she didn't think of that until her brother brought it up.
I briefly put Lucky for sale, but does anybody really wanna buy a used minivan that has been rear-ended by a bus, caught on fire (mirror melted off), had its windshield blow out in the driveway, jumped an island at the bank, jumped a curb at a Mexican restaurant (without Margarita assistance), been soaked in gasoline (not related to the fire incident), and ha...s tried to pinch its owner's head in the side door during a disciplinary event. Its name is LUCKY!
I took Lucky off the market after I got her door back on the rails. It took a little blood and some grunting, but no profanity or broken tools!
After the hayride and Lucky adventure, the kids asked me to produce the first running of HomeDaddy's Haunted House on Tuesday. Jay Allen, who was the loudest requester, wouldn't even come down the steps when it was ready. It wasn't too bad - A jack o lantern with a wig and a head in my lunch box and some candles and compressed air (from a can, not the kind James deployed on the hayride). I thought we fell short of the nightmare threshold and the kids were pleased, but Carlie did report a bad dream about a balloon the next morning.
Night 2 of Home Daddy's Haunted House was more intense! I boiled Scooby Doo (James's costume) on the oven, hung lifeless flight suits from the ceiling, substituted balloons for heads, and scared my children to the point of involuntary bodily functions. I wore a plastic hulk mask and my wild rock and roll hair. I looked like a professional wrestler other than my pajama pants and my UNC Tar Heel house shoes. They were very excited about our scare show and wanted to bring their friends over Friday night to be scared. More terror on Yukon Road!
The first open to the public Home Daddy's Haunted House was a big success. My kids thought it was the scariest one yet and the neighbor kids squealed - in delight or fright, I am not sure. I converted the turtle shell for our minivan into a coffin and laid at rest under a poncho liner (woobee) until the kids came by. I used compressed air (from a can) to draw their attention to me just before I leapt out in my SAS faceover (a tubular ski mask type device) and my rock and roll hair and my desert flight suit. Horror for all. Jay Allen and his buddy Stephen came unglued! The girls were also scared, but did not cling to their mothers and start crying. The neighbor kids had never seen the wild hair or faceover and did not like it even with the lights on.
My kids were pleased with my efforts to scare them and have secured my services for next year. If anybody else out there needs to be scared, just give me a call.

Elements of Greatness

What made LTC Lloyd Mills the Bear Bryant of BN Commanders

I want to lay out what I believe are the elements of LTC Lloyd Mills’s greatness. These elements complement each other and may overlap. They are from my experience and recollection as a member of his battalion during his entire command. As I have studied Bear Bryant and the tremendous changes he made in people’s lives, I realized that Lloyd Mills had that kind of impact on his men. I was a weak to mediocre lieutenant who had the chance to learn from one of the greatest leaders in the Army. I would like to believe that in spite of myself, LTC Mills’s leadership changed the direction of my career and my life.

The Like Tactical Mindset

LTC Mills was a master trainer and the one driving idea behind his training philosophy was the “LIKE TACTICAL MINDSET.” Through thorough planning and repetition of execution, LTC Mills made sure each one of his platoons and companies executed their Mission Essential Tasks in a very similar manner. All of his platoons were not identical, but they all knew what the battalion commander expected them to do when he gave them a mission. This idea also gave each unit confidence in the units on their left and right and an understanding of how they would be executing their mission. I would be willing to bet that you would still find wide spread agreement between LTC Mills’s former officers on how to execute those Mission Essential Tasks.

Unfailing Loyalty

Because I served as his Adjutant, I had the privilege of seeing how hard LTC Mills worked to get each of his commanders a good report card. The maddest I ever remember seeing him was after failing to convince the Brigade Commander to reward one of his top commanders with a good officer evaluation report. He went to bat for his men time after time, probably, had he lived long enough, to the detriment of his career. I never forgot that and what it meant to his battalion.

High Expectations

When LTC Mills took over our battalion, he did not measure where we were as a unit and calibrate his expectations accordingly. LTC Mills laid down his expectations of the unit and each soldier and forged the 3-327th into the best Infantry Battalion in the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault!). If he had dumbed down his expectations to match the kind of unit he inherited, then we would have been mired in mediocrity as a group and as individuals. He never allowed us to fall short and we were all the better for it.

Professionalism

Consistent professionalism was part and parcel to LTC Mills’s high expectations. This professionalism was also known to his officers as “CHEESE”, we knew that every training event and every social event and every ceremony that we put on had to be first rate. You could go to any range, and dining out, or any retirement and see that professionalism on display. Unfortunately, my enduring memory of the capstone of his demand for professionalism was his own memorial service. I am proud to say that LTC Mills’s professionalism did rub off on his officers and lived on with them in the Army and in the civilian world.

Competitiveness

You have to compete with your peers to be the best. LTC Mills had great personal humility, but great pride in his unit and wanted us to be the best in everything. He made us want to be the best in everything as well, whether it was basketball against a sister battalion or performing better at JRTC (which was much more important to us), we strove to work hard enough to be the best at everything we did. I think everybody who served in his battalion believed we were the best and many outside of the battalion conceded that to us. It was the drive of our commander that made us the best.

Showmanship

One of the reasons soldiers followed Lloyd Mills is because it was fun to follow him. He would always make the soldiers proud of him and proud of the unit. I remember at Eric Lyman’s promotion to 1st Lieutenant that a push-up challenge arose between Eric and LTC Mills. LTC Mills matched him push-up for push-up and then, started doing his push ups one-armed. The battalion went nuts! It was a great memory and made us all realize that we better come ready if we were going to challenge the commander!

Confidence in his Men

Another hallmark of LTC Mills’s tenure as the Battleforce commander was his confidence in his men. It was this confidence that allowed the battalion to reach its potential and forged the strong bond between men and commander that I have not seen since. I think the most famous example of this confidence was the story of the trip to Panama. It was highly unusual for units visiting the Jungle Training Center to get time off to go into town because of all the potential for trouble. LTC Mills carried his entire battalion into town, let his boys loose, and they responded by staying out of trouble and returning on time without incident. I think that was a first, but its no surprise that Lloyd Mills battalion was the first battalion to pull that off.

The Great Motivator

Many leaders can get the most out of their top performers, but LTC Mills seemed to get the most out of each member of his battalion. We were not organized to be what most would consider an elite unit, but LTC Mills masterfully elevated our status by motivating us to be the best. I think the most telling evidence that we were all driven to be the best is that we imitated the best. Almost every member of the battalion had a LTC Mills impersonation. Some were better than others, but when we impersonated LTC Mills it was because we truly wanted to be like him.

Mission Focus

LTC Mills was not only a great leader and motivator, but he led us in the right direction. His focus on our mission gave purpose to everything we did. Each element of greatness that I have outlined made our unit great at accomplishing our mission. If we were not good at our combat mission, then none of these other things I am sharing with you would matter. I am proud to say that I have been called a zealot about accomplishing my mission during the course of my career. I learned that from the best.

Beer

Anybody who remembers LTC Mills, remembers him with a beer in his hand. A Stroh’s beer. He used beer more effectively than any commander I have ever met. When his officers gathered, we drank beer. When he met with the Command Sergeant Major, they drank beer. When we gathered for officer professional developments, we drank beer. We all drank the LTC Mills Kool-aid and that Kool-aid came in a Stroh’s beer can!

Fashion fo-paw

For those of you who know me well, fashion conscious is probably not the first words that come to mind when you think of me. On my recent trip to Atlanta, I was the victim of a funny misunderstanding that led to me being distinctively out of place. The conference I attended had a “no-host social” so we asked for the proper attire and were told “duty uniform”. Well, when my fellow Army team mate and I showed up, we were the only two in uniform and all the folks in civilian clothes had a laugh at our expense. I am not the one to pay somebody back for an honest mistake and want to assure the gentleman who mis-communicated the proper attire to us that the social events in DC really do have a required dress code of flip flops and a light coat of oil! Because I had planned on wearing my uniform to this event before I packed, I would have actually had to wear my orange Crocs (formally known as the Christi Jaggers after a friend who despises Crocs in general and mine in particular) if he corrected the mistake the day of the event. No great harm, but we sure did look like ding-dongs. Many thanks to LTC Patterson for being a team player and a good sport!

The latest from the Benefields

To get our story started, I will tell you that James broke yet another set of my sunglasses. He is a destructo! I bought some sturdier glasses and tried to scare James out of touching them. We will see!
Jay Allen had his bowling birthday party Monday. All the kids had a great time and did a great job bowling. Carlie had the high score, smoking the boys. Jay Allen and Timmy tied for the high score for boys, but fun was had by all, even Robert who fell down and Thomas who shot-putted the bowling ball.
Carlie went to dinner in a limo! Our neighbors won some kind of VIP promotion from a local Japanese restaurant and invited daughter to go with them. Part of the deal was a limo ride to the restaurant. None of the kids knew about the limo and pandemonium broke out when it pulled up. Their son, Steven, yelled, “there’s a limo outside!” and ran out and jumped in! The rest of the family followed and had a great dinner. Carlie ate a lot of shrimp (her favorite) and gave us a full report! Thanks to our neighbors for their hospitality.
The day I was leaving on a trip, James just produced some horror movie quality projectile vomit. So, we had to have a re-do on dinner. He sprayed chocolate milk on our subway sandwiches, though I tried to convince the big kids that a few chips survived the blast intact. I also tried to convince Jay Allen that his white milk would be ok as second-hand chocolate milk, but he wouldn’t buy it. My little man was not pleased that we all laughed (and gagged) at his hurl-a-thon.
On a different note, Angie found my Carolina hat. Angie and her crew brought it back to me when they came to visit a week or two ago. On my flight home from Atlanta today, I found myself sitting in front of an infant who was completely fascinated with my recently recovered Carolina hat. There was a delay taking off, so I had to hear commentary on every plane landing and taking off, too. “There comes another one. They have us over here and the planes are taking off over there. Where are they going to put all of these airplanes?” And that was not coming from the infant, that was from the old lady sitting a row back. She especially cracked me up when she yelled, “BUCKLE UP!” just before we began our take-off. I guess she missed the safety brief and forgot that everybody was buckled. The infant boy was virtually silent during the flight and he and I became fast friends. I put my Carolina hat on him and he spun his hands and squealed in delight. I regret that I had no Crimson Tide wear to share with that precious little Yankee baby. I am afraid he is doomed to become a Michigan State fan (according to his mother), but maybe the Carolina hat made enough of an impression to save his fanhood!
We had the meanest flight attendant I have ever dealt with. She tried to stop me from helping a lady put her luggage in the overhead because “I was not insured”, but I assured her that as a government employee that the bag stowage would not be the most dangerous thing I had done recently (though arguing with her may have been). She also sent an elderly gentlemen back to his seat when he got up to use the bathroom. He flagged down the other, kinder, gentler flight attendant and told her, “I HAVE TO USE THE RESTROOM AND THE SEAT BELT SIGN IS ON!” The compassionate flight attendant told him to just go, not understanding why it was such a dilemma. He explained, “I tried and she (pointing to Attila the Hunette) sent me back to my seat.” The kind flight attendant sent him to the forward lav. I am glad he made it through that ordeal without any accidents! After witnessing this event, there formed a substantial line at the forward lav and a conspicuous absence of a line at the aft lav. I may have to change airlines if I have to fly with Attila the Hunette again. She is scarier than Drill Sergeant Rios from my basic training twenty years ago!
Twenty years ago! I am getting older. For the past few weeks, God has made me confront the fact that there are some days that I can not do all that I could when I was young. I had to skip the Army Ten Miler because I had just gotten over the flu – that would not have stopped me ten years ago. I had to lighten up my workouts because I just could not push quite as hard. I was dog tired each night after work. I just had to face the fact that I have new limitations. As I had come to grips with this, I got a call from one of my dearest old friends who is a cancer survivor – I will withhold his name so as not to embarrass him with this written display of affection. He had been dealing with his new limits as a result of his cancer treatments and associated side effects. First, I told him that I was just very thankful to have him around to suffer side effects from treatment. Then, I shared my new found wisdom with him and told him to focus on what he could do and not on his limitations. I think my friend appreciated that and I hope to have him around for a long, long time, side effects and all. His situation also put my struggles into perspective. I am thankful for the life God has given me and my friends and will always try to focus on what we can do with it instead of what is beyond us.
One of the new talents my friend may have due to a “lazy eye” is shooting around corners. I sure wish he had that talent when we served together at Fort Polk! It would have been very handy in shooting at BLUFOR from Shughart Gordon! He says his right eye can read billboards off the side of the road while his left eye is trained straight on the road ahead. That sounds sort of SUPER-HERO ish to me. All of the Geronimos I served with are Super Heros and some are still getting new powers, so no surprise there.
I had the opportunity to participate in Rick and Bubba’s sponsor drive for World Vision on 15 October 2009 via telephone. It was a great event and I was personally honored to have part in it. Because I was on government business and travelling, I had to call in from a hotel room. I used the hotel phone because the only cell phone I had was a government phone and I did not want to mis-use government equipment or even give that appearance. World Vision is actually a Combined Federal Campaign charity, making the phone call acceptable, but I still wanted to be extra diligent with the tax payer’s funds.
When I went to check out, I asked the concierge to take that phone call off my bill and let me pay that separately. I asked how much the call was and could not hide my sticker shock at the price of $17. Wow! I told him that was OK, just more than I expected. He did not understand why I wanted to pay it separately, so I explained to him that I had called the Rick and Bubba show to talk about World Vision. The concierge was from Alabama and a fan of the Rick and Bubba show. He also asked me about World Vision and gave me a chance to share their great work with him. He took a brochure and an ink pen and took the $17 phone call off my bill entirely – on the house! I count that as multiple victories and feel that God created that situation by making me uncomfortable using my government cell phone to call in. He truly moves in mysterious ways.
More fevers and puking at our house upon my return! I took immediate action and turned all the chairs at the table out so if any of the kids spew again, it won't go on our dinner! Carlie and Jay Allen are feverish and James is recovering. Cammie and I are still standing, but feeling the effects of all the sickness in the house. That is what’s going on with the Benefields for the moment. More later…

Broken Glasses and old hats

James broke yet another set of my sunglasses. He is a destructo!

I found my Carolina hat. Angie and her crew brought it back to me.

Jay Allen had his bowling birthday party today.

Carlie went to dinner in a limo!

I will expand on these themes later!