People who spend time with me hear me do a good bit of bragging, but I want to explain why I brag on my kids so everybody has the full context. Yesterday offered a good opportunity to explain this since all three kids accomplished things in one day that I never have.
James played in his third football game yesterday and his team is undefeated. Though football is the sport I love most, I have never been on a team.
Jay Allen played in four ice hockey games yesterday alone and is starting his third year. I can't even ice skate.
Carlie took her first deer (three point buck) yesterday with a perfectly placed shot and then helped dress the deer afterwards. In spite of growing up in a Sportsman Paradise and serving in many more, I have never killed a deer.
I am proud of my kids' accomplishments, but am more proud of how they got to them.
Humility and hard work.
James is playing his first year of football and is learning fast. His team had an exhibition game before the season and it was a disaster. They got manhandled by a team that was better than them at every position. The parents and players on our team started really getting on the kids for not playing well. Remember this is an eight year old team playing an exhibition game. I was pretty disappointed in what I heard from our team's parents and then somehow, many of the players and parents began to vocalize that all the problems were the center's fault, who happened to be James. I know a little about football and I am pretty sure the center does not cause the defense to give up 21 points, but common sense had left our sidelines long before they began to blame James. In my younger days, I would have probably caused a 911 call for the police to break up a fight to occur after hearing the idiot parents (some of whom I had not seen before this game). I was furious and knew I needed to get some distance between me and these people. I didn't like the way the people were yelling at the whole team, but I really didn't like James being wrongly singled out. He did struggle in the game (as did every one of his team mates), but he was not the problem. The problem was our team was not as good and did not play as well as the other team. So, when James came off the field and told me, "Dad, I did not play well and I got really confused out there. I need more practice and hard work to get better," I was proud and humbled. He was the only kid or adult that I heard that from. My message of learn from it and get better was not necessary - he already got it. My eight year old got what all those parents missed. If he had told me that he wanted to quit that team, I would have probably let him and it would have been the first time I let one of my kids quit a team they had joined. He didn't want to quit and since then, he has played outstanding and so have his team mates. They even got a revenge victory on the team that whipped them, beating them 24-7. James's success started when he walked off the field owning his shortcomings and determined he would work to overcome them. That is what I am proud of. He may or may not be a great player, but he is a great teammate and leader on his team and I expect that to continue. |
| James after a victory. When #88 snaps the ball, look out because he is going to hit somebody. |
Leading by example
Jay Allen is entering his third year of ice hockey. He is an athletic kid who is still improving by leaps and bounds, but Jay Allen stands out on the ice because he out hustles and outworks everybody. His coaches know he is always ready to go back on (or stay on) the ice and help the team no matter how long he has already been out there. Jay Allen is not ever the largest, fastest, or most skilled player on the ice, yet he always finds a way to make a huge impact by pure hustle. He takes every opportunity to improve (and I need to give him some more of those) and his team mates really seem to respond to his hustle and raise their game when he is on the ice. Jay Allen has made me an ice hockey fan and has made many of his opposing teams parents fans of the way he plays. He volunteered to play goalie for his spring team and sought out extra practices to learn the position and improve. I can remember three distinct occasions where parents have sought me or Jay Allen out to commend him for his hustle. One of those was one of his first games at goalie when he faced 48 (or so) shots and denied the first twenty without a single goal. An older gentlemen came to the locker room and told him that was some of the best goalie play he had ever seen. I can guarantee you that was not because Jay Allen's dad has been teaching him how to play goalie since he was born or even because he is a seasoned veteran at the position. It was because he did everything he knew to do as hard as he could for the whole game. He still does and he is learning to do more each day! That spring team did not win a single game, but Jay Allen played as hard as he did on his previous two teams that played in championship games. For a dad who was always over-competitive and often a poor sport, watching Jay Allen compete that hard and always carrying himself as the consummate sportsman is both a proud moment and very humbling. |
| Always ready to rock and roll on the ice, we are going to be yelling for the "Deuce" this fall! |
Taking on new challenges and facing fears
Carlie is an accomplished student and runner and musician, but she is never hesitant to expand her already broad horizons. Yesterday, she went on just her second deer hunt. She was well prepared and very patient as we waited for the right shot on the right deer. She did not fire her rifle once in the morning despite seeing five deer, telling me that she did not want to shoot a small one or even a doe. When we returned in the afternoon, she waited patiently as a young buck moved into a perfect position for her to take a quartering away shot. And then she made a perfect shot. The deer dropped dead in a few steps with no suffering and no damage to the meat that we will soon enjoy. Our guide told us that many of the teenagers (most of them boys), do not make that shot and some miss entirely because they are so nervous. I am sure Carlie was nervous too, but I am proud of her because she controlled her nerves and made the perfect shot. After the shot, she composed herself in about 15 seconds and was ready to go get the deer and help dress it. Further controlling her emotions, she stood steady in helping gut the deer despite that unpleasant smell associated with the process. I did tell her that one advantage of a perfect shot was that the smell was not nearly as bad as it would have been if she had gut-shot the deer. The guys who ran the camp were really impressed with Carlie and I was really proud. We are going to have a huge celebratory meal soon and you can guess what the main course will be! |
| Carlie was like an old pro. Her hands were steady and aim was true. |
All three of my kids are better than me. They are so much better athletes, better students, better leaders and better people than I ever was as a kid. That means a lot to a guy who many people have compared to Bull Meechum in The Great Santini because of my over competitiveness. To parent (or raise or rear, your choice) kids like mine and to be a good example is a daily challenge and it is great motivation. These kids have all learned to admit their mistakes, to do more than their share of the work, to face their fears, and to raise up the people around them at an age where I was failing at all four. All three of them make me better and I am really proud of them. Whatever their natural talents, I am confident that God will help them develop them as long as they continue to do their part. That is going to be an exciting journey.
I know I did a lot of bragging, but everything I bragged on my kids about is within reach for all of us. After being around some parents who seemed to be the opposite of encouraging to their kids, I wanted to affirm all of you who try to encourage your kids the right way. I know I fall short of this often, but as James recently taught me, I just have to learn from my mistakes and work harder when that happens. God bless all you parents and your kids! I look forward to my kids beating your kids in something soon!
